Saturday, December 27, 2014

Five of Swords - Walking Away From Nonsense

As 2015 approaches, I have been moving closer toward making my life nonsense free. I am not going to take it from others, nor from myself. What I am talking about, is the negative kind of nonsense, not the ' lets run around, have an afternoon of make funny faces, and do impersonations, fun ' kind of nonsense.

The people in my life that dish out negative nonsense are rare, because I can't have people like this in my life. When they do appear, often as strangers, or acquaintances, it takes me by surprise. I am usually not prepared. It can really throw me off base, because in the past, I accepted this behaviour. I was a passive bystander, not an assertive participator in my relationships, unable to assert my own rights.

The Five of Swords indicates the shadow side of love, and walking away from conflict. I had to address this shadow side on two occasions this week, and I walked away, not without standing up for myself. This is what I have to do when others exhibit this kind of behaviour, otherwise I feel like I condone it, give the message that it's acceptable,  and these folks will no doubt continue fobbing this nonsense onto another. Passive aggression, bullying or abuse is a continuum, if it is not addressed.

 In my 12 step program, we are told to make amends with those we have wronged, as soon as you have wronged them. I have made this an essential part of the way I live my life. Some folks will never apologize for wrongs done, and so I have to accept that, and let it go. It is however easier to forgive another when they apologize, and then change their behaviour. Apologies, and changed behaviour can salvage relationships, and even strengthen the bonds between individuals. It is however, next to impossible to sustain a relationship with another who continues with negative behaviour, when an apology is non-existent. It can break hearts.

Letting go has meant saying goodbye to friendships, or deciding I can no longer continue on with some relationships be they recent, or long term, because I have accepted my own limitations, and boundaries.

That's all I have to say about this. I leave you with this quote...


Ellen said...

This is a difficult post. Sometimes I wish I could live alone in a little cottage on the outskirts of a tiny village. But I know that is a "flight" dream.. Some relationships I cannot let go of although I let them take to much of me. Maybe this year I can take even better care of myself and put up even more clear boundaries.
Thanks for bringing this up

Unknown said...

Ellen thanks so much for your honest comment. Having to say good bye to relationships that have existed for years is never easy. But I realized one in particular was never really as close as I thought but unhealthy and co-dependent which I had grown out of especially after my own recovery. We mostly shared a history of the years, and then I changed and so did the relationship, and I feel sad about it up to a point but happier and healthier.


thesycamoretree said...

So many people feed off this kind of behavior. They dangle the bait, saying or doing something outrageous, and wait for someone to react. But I don't have to get caught on their hook; I can ignore them or walk away. I know there are times when a true injustice happens, and this I would speak out against. But most of these folks are just spouting opinions, spoiling for a fight. If ignored, they're as transient as smoke from a burning fire.

Unknown said...

"They're as transient as smoke from a burning fire' That is good sage wisdom Bev! Thank you!

Las Magas said...

Hi dear Catherine! I totally agree with you and it is a wisdom quote. It's difficult to cut with some people or relationships, but it is for your good health (body, mind and spirit) to get rid of toxic beings. You are a nice and good person, and you will be fine. My best wishes for you for the New Year and a lot of Muchas Estrellas!!!!!!!!

Unknown said...

Hey Las Magas so good to hear from you.! Thank you very much for your comments, and encouragement, as they a greatly appreciated.

Blessings to you in the New Year!