Pay Pal

Monday, December 11, 2017

Three of Swords - Tarot Readings in Cyber Space




In every suit of threes initial completion is what is represented.  The Three of Swords represents heartache, separation and grief. It's a sorrowful card because of strife, conflict and a painful situation.

This week I spent an afternoon doing a face to face reading. These are always enjoyable and energy expending but energizing at the same time.

I always include the face to face readings with a hard copy emailed reading for my clients future reference, because for those not familiar with Tarot it's a lot of information to take in and it can be like hearing an incomprehensible foreign language to the questioner.

When composing online emailed readings they can be both time consuming, and very rewarding. Then add the combination of computers, WiFi and the Internet this can be very convenient and potentially frustrating. This was very much the case for me this week.

I had the pleasure of doing this sit down reading with my friend, intending to follow up with an email of the reading, other unforeseen and unexpected factors came into play.

After having been called away from home, on what I felt was a bit of a goose chase yesterday and delayed my task by several hours. When I finally returned I set about completing the reading and was ready to send it off into cyber space, when the WiFi, my prehistoric desk top computer and  slow-speed internet connection, all seemed to conspire against me by going on the fritz.

I then decided to use my little Kobo reader to forward the reading, as I can use the internet on this little gadget. Something happened when I hit send on my Kobo, and the reading was gone. Thing was, it wasn't sent, nor was it anywhere to be found in any of my folders. It was simply sucked into the black hole of cyber space.

I proceeded to go into a big heartsick fit. The anxiety and stress I was feeling over this loss felt very palpable, because I had spent a long time carefully interpreting this reading for my friend. Nothing I tried worked, in hopes to retrieve my email. I felt my reading and I where  forever parted, and there was nothing I could do get it back. Of course I wasn't thinking right and was reacting, not responding rationally.

My distress continued to escalate, until I finally managed to get a grip after getting very annoyed at my visceral reaction. At the same time I happened to hear an item on the radio about the British Columbia fires, and how so many had lost everything they owned. Wow I thought, that's real loss. I asked myself, what am I doing getting so bent out of shape over my reading being lost in cyber space?

My really inconsequential loss paled so poignantly to me in comparison, that I was embarrassed by my behaviour and the way I felt and resolved to continue to work on changing this kind of reactionary, very hyper-vigilant behaviour that rears it head now and again, when I let stress get the better of me.

The lesson in this card, is how eventually it's necessary to work out the consequences of our choices over time, and once we do this, we will be relieved and our hearts will be healed.

So calming down I went to bed and knew, I simply would redo the email and send it along, which I did yesterday night, and I was happy and grateful in doing so.

Friday, November 24, 2017

Five of Pentacles - The Fat Cat




The Five of Pentacles comes up in my daily drawn card more often than I'd wish, and appears at the times when I'm feeling worry and insecurity over my financial state, which is exactly what this card's meaning implies. It's not my favourite, but on the positive side, I see it as a card of transformation, if I trust my intuition and have enough faith to allow the God of my understanding to do what I can't do for myself.

This perspective has enabled me to become rather immune to my worry, and the fear of financial insecurity. Experiencing these feelings in many ways has made me stronger, given me more compassion and gratitude. The most difficult bit about being in this situation in the past and occasionally today, is, I don't want to ask for help. I know this is a common experience for many people, they find it difficult to ask for help. The problem being, this is false pride, and it makes you angry. You don't want to appear weak, or you might fear being judged, causing an individual to cut their nose off to spite their face, and now added to your trouble, you're walking around without a nose, not a pretty sight!




Monday, November 20, 2017

Queen of Pentacles - Hygge Queen





You know the kind of day when you can't seem to get out of your own way, and you ask yourself why? I might blame it on the weather, the time of year being between the end of Fall and the impending beginnings of Winter.

Outside my window I see no more leaves left on the trees and no snow to cover up the bleakness and gray that matches the sky and I don't want to go out there into the wind and cold to get my needed exercise. I can feel the needle on my Hygge meter quickly inching into the red zone!

Well I'm having one of those days. Ironically I heard an item on the radio about Amanda Lang's new book The Beauty of Discomfort which explores how it's important for human beings to get comfortable with being uncomfortable that enables personal growth.

Having drawn the Queen of Pentacles today is initially comforting for me as she is the symbolic influence that all Queens represent, but she's especially the image of the quintessential down to earth, sensual mother, who enjoys abundance in many areas of her life and is quick to share all she has with others. She's stable and receptive, the Mythic queen of Lydia, Omphale.

The Queen of Pentacles is the image of female strength, a ruler in her own right. She wants the best, is hard-working and self-sufficient. I call her the Queen of Hygge!

So today I'm trying to get more comfortable with my discomfort, maybe even find  some meaningful Hygge in my discomfort and simply be grateful.




Thursday, November 16, 2017

King of Cups - Creativity and Compassion






I often draw the King of Cups. There is a implicit message here in this card for me, that until now, I've missed. The two primary words used when describing this card are creativity and compassion, that both have evoked and created a kind of vision quest for me throughout my life.

Over the years my understanding and exploration of how I defined what both of these words meant to me  in relation to myself, to others and to the God of my understanding, began for  at an early age, for reasons that perhaps are not fully revealed to me

I was told as an adult, by an astrologer who read my chart, that it was extremely important for me personally, to find my spiritual purpose in life in order to find a deep happiness. This has certainly been born out and because it has long been my focus, through creativity and compassion, especially toward myself, this greatly helped me to find my purpose, mission, and define my vision for living life.

The road was often not an easy one at all, filled with loss, struggles and temptations, after trying unsuccessfully to fill that hole in the soul, that came with the territory along the path on the journey of self-growth.

In retrospect, I wouldn't change a thing, because these experiences have made me the person I am. Today I continue on the path to creativity and compassion, learning important life lessons along the way, and very gratefully, this has helped me to patch up and heal that hole in my soul, restoring the emotional balance that the King of Cups reflects.




Friday, November 10, 2017

The Empress - Motherhood - Earth - Practical Wisdom






I believe the reason I love the Empress so much is because when I think of who she is, I want to do everything I can to feel grounded to the earth, seeking the practical wisdom she is known for, and she prompts me to work at having a strong sense of discernment to make the right decisions. I'm reminded to trust my intuition and to apply the practical wisdom that the sacred feminine exemplifies.

Last night I had a visitor from a neighbour who has made me an offer, hard to refuse. No, nothing untoward or unseemly, but a business offer that left me feeling a little excited, almost giddy, nervous and thinking about the old adage, 'be careful what you pray for', because your prayer might be answered, and then what will you do?

Oh, I could say yes, I could say no. The pros to saying yes, could really change my life for the better, and be a very practical solution, relieving me of two major problems I've struggled with for many years.

One the other hand, what were the cons? I couldn't see any, as these were unknown, other then what was vaguely in my worrying imaginings.  And I'd say this is what made me fearful, the unknown. The thought of either answer left me feeling anxious, like I was in a kind of state of paralysis, not knowing what to do. I did know I couldn't make any decision in haste.
So I thought, the best thing for me to do would be to take a deep breath, turn it over to the God of my understanding, pray and I drew the Empress card with a question in mind.

 I knew I needed to call a friend today, who's opinion I greatly respected and trusted, and who possessed the practical wisdom of the Empress, a very grounded a very motherly kind of woman, whom I love very much. Calling her to ask what she thought, wasn't the first thing I did this morning, I simply continued with my usual morning rituals and routine to help me get grounded.

Finally, when I felt it was time, I called my friend this afternoon, who thought this offer was something I should say yes to, as it could be a very positive event in my life, and make things so much easier for me.  And she had good things to say about my neighbour. I felt in my heart and in my mind that she was right and I might not ever get another opportunity like this in the future.

So tonight I called my neighbour and asked if we could meet this Sunday to discuss the matter further and hopefully work out some of the initial details and come to a mutual agreement that we were both happy with based on practical wisdom.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

King of Cups - Orpheus




I've heard it said, only the wounded healer can heal and who we find within ourselves.

The representation of water depicted in the King of Cups symbolizes the overt search for relationships to guide and help others.

The Mythic figure of Orpheus is embodied in this card, who was priest, healer, poet, musician and truly, a creative soul. Sadly he seemed destined for unhappiness meeting an untimely end as the wounded healer, having a great compassionate and empathetic heart, toward every living thing and yet couldn't heal the wounds of his own heart. I believe many of us have aspects of this wounded healer embodied in our personality, and we need to learn to heal ourselves.

This kind of individual is often characteristic of the personality in the helping professions, or is simply found among many, whom for what ever reason seem to care for others more than themselves, and can't trust life quite enough to take it's course.

A timely card today, as I think about how difficult it is for many of us to completely trust in the goodness of the Universe when we witness so much suffering all around us, perhaps in the form of broken relationships, either through resentment, or separation through death, leaving us angry, and questioning why. It can be a challenge to find our way back to some kind of emotional stability.

I may no longer be the kind of wounded healer who can't heal all of her wounds, but I do have a wounded faith.







Thursday, October 26, 2017

Nine of Cups - I Wish...I Hope





Today after spending a restless night, I intentionally sought out some kind of message of comfort, from whatever card I drew this morning, because I've been feeling so sad. It's been a difficult couple of months emotionally with the loss of a long time friend and another dear friend, now in palliative care.

Considering this card, the Nine of Cups it is the best one I could draw, as it's the wish card, representing fruition, comfort and satisfaction.

The truth is, we can make wishes all we want but it doesn't change reality regardless of what is happening in our lives and in the lives of those we love so much. So I don't spend my time wishing. Of course I wish things were different, but they're not and there's nothing else I can do but find a place of acceptance, and forgiveness and instead of wishes, I hope and pray for acceptance of situations that I struggle very much with, because they're so unacceptable. I know I have to let go and trust that the God of my understanding will do what I can't do myself, in order to find the way.