Pay Pal

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Using The Magician's Tools When The Arse End Goes Out of 'er.



Well I couldn't have drawn a better card than the Magician today. I have spent the past three days without my internet or my phone due to unknowingly disconnecting a cable from my router and then I unknowingly connected it incorrectly. I finally figured this out with persistence, and the expertise of a good computer technician I called a few times from a good neighbour's phone..

 Being sick with a rotten cold and flu bug, along with some car problems, all added to my frustration. It takes patience to ride the wave of chaos and confusion, and it can do a number on your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your overall health, if you let it. We all experience days like this and can feel like we have some dark raining cloud hanging over our head with a universe conspiring against us. We have to make a choice to turn our good days into bad somehow. There is always something good to be found in the bad days, and they can go from bad to good, which makes the good days even better, with the wisdom of patience and gratitude.

Letting go, taking care of yourself  and just riding the wave until calm seas prevail, is the only thing to do, if you have given everything else a try, and then, wait. If not, it's real easy to make things more complicated and difficult for ourselves, in trying to force a solution.

I have to say I have a love hate relationship with technology, and though I certainly wouldn't call myself a geek, nor a Luddite, but I think I'm somewhere in between. Maybe a Geuddite. I enjoy all the benefits of technology but have real negative feelings around how dependent I am upon it, when things go wonky or as they say in Newfoundland, the arse is gone out of 'er. The nature of being human is that we often take for granted what we have, until it's gone.

The Magician reminds me that I do have tools at my own disposal to take care of my mind, body, and soul if I only utilize them on a daily basis, and when I need them. If I do this my self-esteem and self-confidence and my gratitude is much more likely to remain intact.

Time for a hot cup of some honey, lemon, ginger and vinegar.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Lovers - Choice & Consequence


 This Major Arcana card, The Lovers is mostly about choice. A personal choice that we make for ourselves. I have some choices to make and frankly it's tempting to just ignore these, and do nothing, but that is a choice as well, and the consequences will soon follow I know. As it's been said in many ways, "Choose the behaviour, choose the consequences."

 Many choices we make are difficult, and some even easy, including all the seemingly little inconsequential decisions we make from day to day. These choices involve material, emotional, and intellectual decisions, and they mirror back to us the kind of person we wish to be.

 When we strive to do the right thing with discernment, regardless of how difficult it may be, we then have the opportunity to become stronger happy individuals with integrity, who have the courage of our convictions, and to be all that we are meant to be. 

 Here we are dealing with our own free will and instinct. This card can often signify a choice in love, career or creative activity. We are urged to look carefully at the implications of our choices, instead of jumping into something blindly without careful consideration.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Four of Swords - The Antidote to Self-Doubt - The Authentic Turn-On



Tomorrow I have an ultra sound. I've been stressing about it, along with the impending Winter, which of course is such a useless waste of my energy. I get frustrated and impatient with myself when I worry, and start spinning my wheels.
So after some reflective reading I've come to a more peaceful place in my mind, and am feeling better in knowing I can trust myself to be strong and overcome my self-doubt.

Something I received this morning was these wise words of Regena Thomashauer ( Mama Gena ). I don't know where she finds this wisdom, but I am grateful she does because her words, are timely and much appreciated. The email was about the antidote to self-doubt, and this morning I drew the Four of Swords, that indicates the following. characteristic behaviours.
  • Inner reflection
  • Balance
  • Clarity of thought
  • Wholeness
  • Contemplation
  • Letting go
  • Introspection
  • Inner vision

Here is what Regena Thomashauer means by having an authentic turn-on, and it is the antidote to self-doubt.

"But the experience of authentic turn-on goes much, much deeper:
  • You feel a sense of your own aliveness and your life force
  • You know that your spirit and your body are one
  • Your native enthusiasm is intact
  • Your ability to reach for pleasure is on—especially when it seems hard
  • You’re in your right mind and your highest power
  • You’re you—full, complete and whole
Once planted in her authentic turn-on, a woman begins to grow. Kind of like the way you just trust a tree to grow.

A turned on woman learns she can deeply trust herself. She pays attention to her desires, and treats them as her road map.

Indecision vaporizes.
 

She can truly feel her deep yes and her deep no.
She relaxes into the unknown, rather than forcing or muscling her way through life.
She knows she can handle obstacles, and understands that each one forces her to expand in new ways.
She experiences the divine in everything, especially herself.


Within you, within me and within each woman is the source of our own power. 
 

She is our antidote to shame, and the wellspring of our deepest intuition.
She is our divinity, our spiritual center, the timeless point of our attraction, and our power source.
She teaches us that our joy is serious business.
She is anchored to our truth.
She teaches us our unshakable confidence."




The divinity and our spiritual center Regena Thomashauer speaks of, is The Empress, the Great Earth Mother.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Four of Pentacles - Order Out of Chaos



 "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." This is a statement attributed to a number of sources. It's a wise one regardless of who said it, and it has born out to be true in my life.

 Sometimes the teacher resides within ourselves. We learn from our mistakes, we let go of the people, places and things we have been holding tight to our chest, be it material possessions, our looks, our health, home or relationships etc.

We see in this card the apprentice and the teacher. The teacher is holding tight his pentacles seemingly threatened that his position might will be usurped in some way. He doesn't want to let go of what he has worked hard for to get.

Most of us aren't really welcoming of change and we get comfortable with a certain status quo or situation. When we see others making progress and positive changes, this can cause us to compare ourselves to others or it can motivate us to take an inventory of our own lives. This action can be an opportunity to grow and move forward. It's our choice. Change is inevitable. We either move forward or backward, never staying still..

And so taking a personal inventory of ourselves can be a teacher and if we can accept ourselves as we are, as human beings with grace, humour and humility we learn to be our own best friends, and finding serenity in the storm, and making order out of chaos. Art and creativity help me to do just that.

.


Friday, September 18, 2015

Strength - Flying Without Wings






 Sometimes when we are feeling the most weak, it's when we are the most strong, although it may certainly not feel like this is our reality.

 I love cats of all shapes and sizes, but most of all I am what some might call a horse nut. They deeply touch my soul. I love them for so many reasons. They symbolize to me freedom, inner strength, and beauty.

When I was a thirteen year old teenager, I was good friends with a girl who took riding lessons. I lived vicariously through her experiences with horses. She once told me something I never forgot, but at the time did not completely understand the significant depth of it's meaning to me. I was able to apply what she'd said to me later in life.

 She said when jumping fences her coach told her to concentrate on the fence directly in front of her, and to jump one fence at a time. I adapted this to living, taking on one day, and even one moment at a time. This for me is where strength is.

If I project into looking at the fences and hurdles ahead, I will be overwhelmed, worried and even paralyzed with fear. If I regret the stumbles I have made in the past were the posts came down, or I failed to even try to get over the hurdles, I'll feel guilt and maybe shame, because I failed and made mistakes.

When you come face to face with a horse, or any creature that is much bigger than you, you can often feel an overwhelming fear about the expanse of their huge strong bodies. You  also come face to face with your fears, and attune to your visceral reactions and response. You realize they could hurt you, or even kill you.

 Horses, although no longer so much a wild animal like a lion, they cause you to become self-aware, and teach you to have an inherent respect for a highly intelligent, sentient creature.

When I turned 40, I had the privilege of being able to work around horses, riding daily, and living on a horse farm for a period of two years. It was hard disciplined work, but I persevered, and I overcame so many struggles and  fears. I learned so much about horses, about myself, and learned to fly without wings.

" The horse had carried the girl into danger, as it may carry many of us, but her triumph conquered her fears and gave her courage for the new challenges that lay ahead. ".

                                                               - Mary Midkiff, She Flies Without Wings 


Feugo- Robert Painter's Barb - Oil on Canvas, Catherine Meyers

 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Moon - The Beauty of Imperfection



I always think of the Moon as being beautifully perfect. I suppose because it speaks so strongly to that part of myself that has my Moon in Pisces in my astrological chart which creates a polarity of opposites and contradictions. This is the way I see life. It is a contradiction of polar opposites and fortunately or unfortunately we can't have one without the other, it's just the way it is.

There are so many other reasons that the Moon is such a significant card, representing the sea of the unconscious, being the card of Hecate, that is sometimes interchangeable with the moon-goddess Artemis. Hecate is underworld moon goddess. The confusion, fluctuation and uncertainty of Hecate, is certainly more about imperfection, and the only thing I can do, is to hold on to faith and hope, in the transformation that comes through personal development and growth, which is reflected in the inevitable changing faces of life.

Hecate is vague and elusive, which can cause great anxiety and bewilderment. Along with faith and hope I also need the wisdom of patience in life, which allows for the a gestation period, before I can grasp a clarity and knowledge on the 'royal road' of dreams which is the only road to Hecate's world, where I learn about the beauty of imperfection.

On this road, I learn how to honour the imperfect, to be who I am, and to accept life on life's terms. That is beauty, as sometimes described in the Japanese aesthetic of Wabi Sabi, as being "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete." There is spirituality to be found in imperfection.





Sunday, September 13, 2015

Six of Pentacles - The Sparrows Don't Worry They Sing


This is the perfect card for me to have drawn today, as it reminds me to be grateful for all that I have, and to focus on the blessings and mercies that have been so freely given to me. The more of a gratitude list I have, the more harmony and happiness I can draw into my heart, and into my life, even when things get rough. It is especially during these lean times, I am reminded to have courage, faith and trust  to know that if the little sparrows don't worry about what they are going to wear or eat, and they are loved and cared for, surely I can do the same, as the sparrows don't worry, they sing, and I'd much rather sing than worry.

Sparrows Don't Worry They Sing

Friday, September 11, 2015

The Hanged Man - The Dark Night of The Soul




The Hanged Man always brings me back to the fist time I had a reading. My friend who was a very good reader, had used the Celtic Cross spread for my reading. I don't remember the placement of The Hanged Man, but I sure do remember my reaction to seeing this card. I was in a precarious relationship that would change my life, and was not going to end well, though I couldn't see it then. I had been and was going to continue to experience this kind of "dark night of the soul", that this card represents.

At this time, I knew nothing about Tarot, or the cards and their meanings. I couldn't begin to imagine what this one meant, but I was pretty convinced it couldn't be good, seeing this poor shackled soul, hanging from a rocky cliff, upside down, having next to no clothes on, with an Eagle seemingly in attack mode.

 The Greek myth is pretty gruesome about Prometheus. He defied the law of Zeus by stealing the fire of the gods to give to man. Prometheus means "foresight", and this Titan had the gift of prophecy. He had a profound sympathy and compassion for the plight of humankind.

The Hanged Man is a deeply relevant card for me. It is very much representative of what St John of the Cross talks about in his poem , The Dark Night of The Soul, and going into the unconsciousness of the psyche, experiencing great suffering and then coming out the other side transformed. Out of the darkness of the night, comes the light.

This poem illuminates the deepest kind of self-sacrificing love between the Lover and the Beloved, between humankind and God. I love this poem and Loreena McKennitt's interpretation is so touching and beautiful.

Loreena McKennitt - The dark night of the soul

Upon a darkened night
the flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest
Shrouded by the night
and by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
while all within lay quiet as the dead

Chorus
Oh night thou was my guide
oh night more loving than the rising sun
Oh night that joined the lover
to the beloved one
transforming each of them into the other

Upon that misty night
in secrecy, beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
than that which burned so deeply in my heart

That fire t'was led me on
and shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where he waited still
it was a place where no one else could come

Chorus

Within my pounding heart
which kept itself entirely for him
He fell into his sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave
And by the fortress walls
the wind would brush his hair against his brow
And with its smoothest hand
caressed my every sense it would allow

Chorus

I lost myself to him
and laid my face upon my lovers breast
And care and grief grew dim
as in the mornings mist became the light
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair



Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Seven of Swords - The Road Less Traveled



This dude carrying his seven swords, walks his own path, which has been a rough and rocky road. The road hasn't always been this way, living by his wits and paying a price for the choices made. This individual has benefited from many choices, he is street wise, and has applied his mental energy in a rather amoral way, and no doubt for a variety of reasons, that many are unaware of and don't fully understand. He may not even understand himself.

Like the Seven of Swords there are things we do that may cause us to feel our character is has been compromised. On the surface this cards encourages us to be tactful, diplomatic, and intelligent in our communications with others which will enable us to better cope with life, to survive and to thrive.

We may not agree with another individual's life style or the decisions they make. It is often easier to sit on the sidelines in judgement of another. Until we walk their path, and look beneath the surface, only then can we really understand. It is important to be more than just tolerant, but hopefully having more compassion toward another who we may not like, respect or love will help us understand them, ourselves, and to have gratitude.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Queen of Pentacles - The Happiness of Pursuit


This generous and gracious Queen of Pentacles is a great lover of the finer things in life and loves nothing more than  to share them. Not necessarily monetary possessions but the love and attachment to her environment and to the natural world around her.. This is kind of appreciation is the foundation of what is what is essential to her own personal happiness, much more so than physical things. It enables her deep spiritual connection that transcends, and transforms her into a better person of depth and character that is defined by who she is, not by what she possesses, or her status is society.

When I see the Queen of Pentacles today, I immediately think about how we can all get caught up in material possessions and acquiring things that we think will make us happy. We worry about how we are going to manage to either get ahead financially, while going deeper and deeper into debt, living in a culture where many of us live credit rich, and cash poor.

I think the Queen of Pentacles urges us to involve ourselves more in the happiness that comes from the happiness of the pursuit, instead of the pursuit of happiness.

" It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit. "
                                       - Denis Waitley

Sunday, September 6, 2015

The Emperor - Is The World Unraveling?



The Emperor is the counter part to the Empress, though concerned with the inner world as opposed to the outer world. The Empress is the All-Mother, the Emperor is symbolic of the All-Father, creator of all the gods, a spiritual figure who concerns himself with high ideals, ethics and spiritual values.  He does have his dark side. Tyrannical authority can rear it's ugly head, where there is an abuse of power.

When I reflect on the very positive characteristics of the Emperor, he is a kind of the ideal of what men should be in this world. Unfortunately this is seldom the case, but there are some men that I can think of who set the bar high, and are men of integrity, great kindness, with a deep faith and belief in what is true and good. They stand for right, are defined by the courage of their deep spiritual convictions, to love their fellow human beings, and they set an example for others.

The world as we know it, can really seem like it is unraveling. I sure felt this way over the past few days watching the news, and it has not been the first time, nor the last time I am sure, I will feel the same way in the future.

 I could easily ask myself, where is God in all of this? What kind of a God allows for such tragic events to happen, and why is there such inhumanity toward humanity, and all living things?

It is difficult to make sense of it all, or to find some kind of resolution. My own personal experience is that sometimes the only resolution there is, is to accept that there is no resolution. I know this may sound hopeless and rather dissolute, and I might agree in some instances. It isn't the way I choose to think, in spite of what is going on around me in the world, because there is hope and that means a lot. Having hope is where acceptance enters our lives in knowing what we can and cannot change, and having the wisdom to know the difference, that is stated in the Serenity Prayer.

I am certainly not a Pollyanna, although I do love her. Rather pessimism, desolation and discouragement it is simply not a luxury I can afford, being a person in recovery from a disease of the emotions, alcoholism.

Today I recognize the things that upset me, and so I try hard to live by the law of spiritual progress, not perfection. I don't allow myself to be discouraged. I expect better things ahead, and try to be a part of the cure toward the world's ills, rather than be part of contributing to this malaise, and to be a force for good, much like a good mother and good father should be.

The Emperor - Egg Tempera on Porcelain Tile 12"x12" 2015, Catherine Meyers

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Two of Swords - The Supernatural Mind



I haven't a supernatural mind, although in the past I've deluded myself into thinking I could be a superwoman. But that sure didn't work out right.

I thought Supernatural Mind would be a good title for my post after drawing the Two of Swords. This card was not menacing or threatening like some in the suit of Swords I have drawn over the past two days.

Here we see Orestes in between his mother, Queen Clytemnestra (now there's a handle) and his father, King Agamemnon, another wild one.This pair are more than troublesome on so many levels. Both are murderers and have their own selfish agenda reflecting their destructive, grandiose egos. Orestes does not want to listen, or engage with either of them, though he does need to make a decision to act which is indicated in the Two of Swords, in order to find some kind of peace and serenity within this horrendous storm. This may mean walking away, finding a healthy balance between his mind and his heart, or between reason and faith.

These two symbolic Greek figures cause me to reflect on the balance between the mind (reason) and the supernatural (faith). Agamemnon's downfall was to put his ego and pride before anything, which eventually resulted in his death at the hands of Artemis, the best Huntress and by his own vengeful wife, Clytemnestra, who wants revenge on her husband for sacrificing their daughter.

Reason and faith may seem diametrically opposed, but they are not. They work best in conjunction with one another, and balanced. I cannot solely rely on my own reason,or  mind to provide all the answers to my questions. I also need to hold my ego in check and remember to practice humility.

I've learned that I cannot blindly follow any doctrine without question, but at some point I needed and continue to need faith and trust in a power greater than myself, were reason can no longer provide explanation. I need to trust and have confidence in myself as well.

The path of least resistance is not always the best way to make a decision in order to avoid the fall out, or to keep the status quo, as there are going to be repercussions regardless. It is better to fish or cut bait.



Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Ten of Swords - " For when I am weak, then I am strong.”



Drawing the Ten of Swords today, after drawing the Nine of Swords yesterday, made perfect sense to me as we see Orestes beaten down and overcome by the torment of the Furies. Athene the goddess of Justice has come to put a stop to this ancient curse with clarity and vision.

I was also having my own continuing battle with the Furies again, but I took time for impartial reflection, and saw the end of a difficult situation, which this card represents.

Finally with some patience, my hacked pay pal and bank account issues are straightened out, and over. I really didn't want to have to make the calls, listening to muszac and being put on hold for long lengths of time, but if I knew didn't, I'd end up in another kind of mess.

When human beings have their feet to the fire, then and only then it seems, do we get the motivation to take action. Sadly this sometimes can feel too little to late. It's why those wise adages, proverbs and sayings exist, like, "Why put off tomorrow what you can do today?'

If you choose to maintain hope, fight a good fight, and come out the other side, you feel triumphant and proud that you've see things through to their conclusion. Many of us are good at beginnings and endings, but are unable to follow through with the middle bits, and we give up.

 If we didn't have struggles we couldn't feel the triumph that comes from overcoming. If we didn't have the darkness, we'd never be able to experience the warmth and light of the sun. Darkness is good, as is light.

What makes you weak should make you strong, when you can follow through and overcome.
Like Orestes, I think I need a nap!