The Lovers - Wayfaring Stranger

This card I drew today I relate to as a Gemini., which is the astrological sign associated with this Major Arcana card, The Lovers. What is represented here is both earthly and divine love, and all the challenges that accompany the choices in love, and the development of the individual. We all are challenged by these choices in love, both earthly and divine.

Today it's become more difficult I believe, to make these choices because we can feel overwhelmed by so many serious pressing problems that we feel pressured by, in an ever complicated world. My thoughts today on Earth Day especially turn toward Earth and Heaven and how they are directly related.

 I ask myself, how do to make Earth more like Heaven? I know I absolutely have to maintain my hope for our world, just as the Creator points to a higher love, that gives us hope.

There's a Capella song recorded by the Smithsonian Folkways in the old English-language religious music in the classic traditional, Appalachian mountain song. I Am a Poor Pilgrim of Sorrow, which I first heard in the public library, when I was living in Toronto back in 1980.

 Way Faring Stranger is no doubt another interpretation of the same song. I find the lyrics hopeful and not so desperate as the first version of I am a Poor Pilgrim of Sorrow. Regardless, this song has stayed with me all throughout my life, because it reminds me to keep focused on a higher love, that offers hope when we are home, in the place where we no longer feel like we are wayfaring strangers.



Wayfaring Stranger - Traditional - Author Unknown

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
Traveling through this world of woe
Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that fair land to which I go
I'm going there to see my father
I'm going there no more to roam
I am just going o'er Jordan
I am just going o'er home

I know dark clouds will gather o'er me
I know my way is rough and steep
But golden fields lie just before me
Where the redeemed shall ever sleep
I'm going home to see my mother
She said she'd meet me when I come
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet beauteous fields lie out before me
Where God's redeemed, their vigils keep
I'm going there to see my mother
She said she'd meet me when I come
I'm just a-going over Jordan
I'm just a-going over home
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
I'm just a-going over home

The Lovers - The Matters of the Heart

Here we see the handsome Trojan prince Paris who's been forced by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between the three goddesses - Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who've offered him many things, the world and then some.

Young Paris didn't understand one darn thing about life, beauty, love or what his inner values were. And so he made his decision with little thought or no matter how unwise. He chose Aphrodite,  the sensual goddess of love. Oh she was a real hotty, and how could he resist? It was a done deal. But this was just the beginning of the troubles that followed his decision.

Honestly, this isn't the card I wanted to see today. But there it is, The Lovers. This card indicates and represents a new love, or being concerned with decisions regarding matters of the heart. It's not something I want to think about so much these days.  But I'm finding myself in the position once again. It mostly gives me more grief than anything I think, to entertain the thought of seriously engaging in a romantic long term relationship again, I admit I'm afraid. I don't have the best track record because of my life experiences. It's not that I fault myself necessarily, it's just the circumstances that was my reality.

I met the man I loved 38 years ago, who I lost suddenly and tragically to illness at 27. I find myself comparing other men to him and often my decision to get involved romantically, is to quote George Bush Sr., no, na-ah, nope, not gona happen, not gona do it, wouldn't be prudent.
I had some short term relationships in between my first and second marriage.

The second time around my marriage ended in divorce after marrying an abusive alcoholic man. Fortunately I decided to get out after two years, but psychologically it was hard to separate and it took me about five years to completely, sever ties. It wasn't easy and I couldn't have done it without having a great deal of counseling and help.

 Growing up with an alcoholic father, co-dependent and eventually becoming alcoholic myself, all added to my insanity, until I got into recovery 23 years ago.

So this card reminds me to make wise decisions. If I'm having a hard time, in confusion, I seek out the help and counsel of some one I trust and or a power greater than myself to draw strength and discernment from everyday.

If you can't figure out how to have a real relationship with yourself, understanding who you are, loving and accepting the person you are, it's impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Your ability to make the right decision is unclear and disabled.

Lots of folks these days choose online dating sites. I have friends that it seems to have worked out for them. Time will tell. I have nothing against this and it doesn't matter how you go about meeting someone. What does matter, is knowing what you don't want, what you do want, and knowing what you need is right and good for you.

It takes time and work to have a discerning ability, which is paramount in our relationships. Shared spiritual values with a companion-ability helps to make you good friends who have real fun together, and you laugh a lot, no matter what you do.

As my wise late mother once said to me. If you are going to have a love affair and you find yourself crying more than laughing it's time to leave.

The Lovers - Trust in Action

In this Major Arcana card The Lovers, we see a potentially very stressful situation were three women are pitted against one another in a kind of competition. Love, Rejection, jealousy, self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence, guilt and even shame would all come into play in this stressful scenario, because Paris the Trojan prince, has been commanded by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who had been quarreling about who was the loveliest. Paris has had a very a stressed life to begin with, because his own father King Priam had sentenced him to death, but fortunately he was rescued by a kind shepherd. The three goddesses and Paris all find themselves in a stress filled circumstance and they all have a choice as to how they are going to respond.

Many of us, myself included I've noticed, can get ourselves feeling stressed when it's really unnecessary, or can be avoided. I believe this is rooted in worry and lack of trust in the midst of chaos and trouble. It can be our default mode, particularly if we have had trauma or difficult home lives growing up. We are used to living in our bodies in state of hyper-vigilance, and are perhaps always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Most of my life and I have had to fight against this, because it robs me of my happiness. That said, I also know reality and life are stressful for everyone in one way or another, and I am no different. I also know a certain amount of stress is normal and the fight or flight instinct in very strong within us.

 I can physiologically feel when my stress level increases, and most times it never feels good. I have to make a conscious concerted effort to change my reaction to that reality, doing whatever it takes in order to remain calm and to prevent stress..


Today I read this statement for a book of daily readings, which  really stood out for me to today. "Calmness is trust in action." I think this statement speaks for itself, and it is a good reminder to try to live this way, everyday.

The Lovers - What Do I Want?

This card typifies a kind of stereotypical beauty contest between the three goddesses, Hera, Athene, and Aphrodite, who were fighting among themselves. Zeus has appointed the reluctant Trojan prince Paris to be the judge of this contest.The Lovers card is symbolic of the problem of making a choice in love that reflects our values and the kind of person we want to become. There is a choice to be made between  free will and instinctual compulsions.

Seems to me I draw this card The Lovers frequently. I expect the reason being, it is something I struggle with at times, as I believe many women do. My immediate reaction is usually the same. I get a little excited initially, as it makes me think about love relationships because I am a hopeful romantic. I then immediately get a reality check focusing on my life, as a single woman.

 Oh I certainly don't see this as being a negative thing, although there are negative things about the single life that I mostly have come to see them as challenges, just as there are challenges found in a partnership. There are for me simultaneously more positive things about the solo lifestyle.

For me the most positive aspect about being a single woman is having a peace of mind and contentment within myself, and being comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long time since I felt I needed someone else to "complete" me, the way many of us were brought up to falsely believe, as if somehow if you are not committed to a significant other we fall short of happiness. Most women today don't need a man. but I think many might want one, but on their terms, not on anyone else's.

We no longer need to feel the validation of a man or anyone to give us a belief in ourselves. Nor do we need to turn ourselves inside out trying to be the person someone else wants or expects us to be. We are perfect in our own imperfections and don't need approval to be exactly who we are..

It's a different world today, but in other ways there are still so many things that need changing, and seem to be moving backwards instead of forward, in a still predominantly misogynistic society.

I think generally women want to be our own person, to live our own lives in peace, and taking responsibility only for our own happiness.

And so when I ask myself what is it that I really want? I have to say I want peace, regardless if this involves a life partner or not, and if I am happy within myself this is what matters most.

The Lovers - What's Love Got To Do With It?

Most of us when we see this card our initial reaction might be to have thoughts of romance and all that gooey gushy stuff. I think of it as a card of choice in love and/or chance.

I've have friends say they envy my single life. I can say the same of them sometimes. There are positives and negatives to both lifestyles. Generally speaking I am happy and content on my own. I met my soul mate, my partner, and companion 30 years ago whom I lost to death. If am to never meet another I accept that, because I know he watches over me, until he will stand by me again.

Romantic love is highly idealized in our culture. The media is full of it, and is mostly based on falsehoods and fantasy. Many can't live alone, and don't much like their own company I suspect. The couples that truly understand what it means to be in a loving relationship are few and far between I believe.

It was once explained to me by a spiritual man who was my spiritual mentor, that two individuals come into relationship together as two whole circles, where the creator is central. They intersect, and instead of the circle getting smaller excluding others, it gets bigger expanding to include others in community. It's called our compassion circle.

Compassion Circle

Here's my abstract interpretation of the compassion circle

My last dance with Bill was to Ben E. King's Stand By Me, while he was in hospital. I love this official video of John Lennon's better, and I'm sure Bill would too.

The Lovers - Choice & Consequence

 This Major Arcana card, The Lovers is mostly about choice. A personal choice that we make for ourselves. I have some choices to make and frankly it's tempting to just ignore these, and do nothing, but that is a choice as well, and the consequences will soon follow I know. As it's been said in many ways, "Choose the behaviour, choose the consequences."

 Many choices we make are difficult, and some even easy, including all the seemingly little inconsequential decisions we make from day to day. These choices involve material, emotional, and intellectual decisions, and they mirror back to us the kind of person we wish to be.

 When we strive to do the right thing with discernment, regardless of how difficult it may be, we then have the opportunity to become stronger happy individuals with integrity, who have the courage of our convictions, and to be all that we are meant to be. 

 Here we are dealing with our own free will and instinct. This card can often signify a choice in love, career or creative activity. We are urged to look carefully at the implications of our choices, instead of jumping into something blindly without careful consideration.

The Lovers - " The Age of Loneliness "

The Lovers

Every time this card comes up my heart gives a little flutter immediately followed by a reality check. So many of us are in love with love. We've bought into that romantic ideal that isn't reality based, but comes from the rhetoric and myth making.

Truth being, this card doesn't represent this kind of relationship, but represents and is in reference to companion-ability, respect, and love based on the hard work of being whole interdependent people, not co-dependent. This kind of interdependent relationship is rare.

The Lovers, a Major Arcana card embodies choice, earthly and divine love and reminds me of Psyche and Eros who have been through what is often referred to as being the Dark Night of the Soul and have come out the other side stronger and secure within themselves now having  a relationship built on a solid foundation, because they have chosen to invite into their lives the God of their understanding and they share this in common with one another. We all have the choice to make. I have chosen solitude but not loneliness.

George Monbiot says our society is living in what he calls, " The age of  loneliness. "
It is my experience that if I do not choose to maintain conscious contact with the God of my understanding, the result in my own isolation, loneliness, and unhappiness. If this is what I bring to other relationships I will continue to be lonely, which is some ways is worse in my opinion. We can be alone but not suffer unbearable damaging loneliness. Being involved in relationship with someone who either cannot or will not give you what you want or need is completely crazy making.

The Lovers - A Heinz 57 In The Shadow of the Beloved

The sign of Gemini, the twins, and my birth sign, are associated with The Lovers. Love, friendship, and partnership, are all suggested in this card. There is an implied duality of earthly and divine love. I see it as a push and pull tension between the two and having to make a decision.

I reflected today when I drew this card, on how I have always longed and searched all my life, for a relationship with divine love, but truthfully in the past, I was more preoccupied with earthly love. My search for the Divine involved attending Church, with my mother at a young age, which I know now, had planted the seeds of faith. I wasn't so much searching then, not until I hit puberty during my adolescence.

When I was 13, and a very troubled kid, I would often go to find solace, in a big Cathedral church that sat on top of the hill, overlooking the city where my family lived. I could find peace and comfort there. I loved the statues of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and felt a deep connection with her. Today I see why, because of my identification with the goddess.

 I then began to meagerly, explore Zen Buddhism, and soon went on to seriously involve myself with studying Christianity in a formal way at 18. I was soon baptized and confirmed as what is commonly known as an Anglo-Catholic, which has all the bells and smells of Roman Catholicism, minus the belief in the infallibility of the Pope, and a few other differing adherences.

Once I hit 30, I decided I had really always been very drawn to Catholicism, and so I converted, took all the classes, joined a church and became a Roman Catholic, prior to all the sexual abuse issues coming to light within the church. 

After several years of being a Catholic, and around the time I became a member of a 12 step program in the 80s, my ideas surrounding belief, slowly began to evolve, into what I would call less religious, and more spiritual. I came to realize I could no longer be a member of a church that was full of corruption, that embodied abuse, through power and control. I was finding spirituality and fellowship, that was second to none, in the rooms of recovery. I knew this is where I belonged.

At this stage of my life, I have a positive relationship with the Divine, that is about knowing the meaning of the God of my understanding, and feeling a deep sense of serenity, because of that understanding.

I am so blessed to have had a very open minded and loving mother, who never forced her religious beliefs, and let me find my own way. You might say I have been a Heinz 57 religiously.
My mother gently instilled and imparted her faith, gave me a sense of wrong and right, and a belief in God.  I am so very grateful that we were able to share our simple faith in those quiet moments, between mother and daughter, that have stayed close to my heart, all of my life, and always.

The Lovers - Yes No Maybe

The past week I've been having dreams about relationships, and simultaneously I've been immersing my thoughts and time spent in self-growth. Self-growth and 'love' relationships is nothing new for me really, been involved with both, most of my life. The love stuff I've not been not successful with by the way, except once, and it is why I have been single most all of my life, but I've been making ongoing progress in the self-growth department over the years.

First thing this morning I heard a magnificent version of Adele's " Rollin' In The Deep " by the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, that knocked my socks off. It got me thinking, ya, I kind of feel this way about love. I'm not a cynic or jaded and I do believe people fall in love, and stay together. Unfortunately chances are slim and  statistics support that. Then this morning for my daily draw, I picked The Lovers from my Mythic Tarot.

The cup of love symbolizes relationships. and the Lovers card can be a very heady for us, in that when we see it, it can immediately invoke a fluttering of the heart kind with excitement. Like when you first see 'the one'. I've done that more than a couple of times. Those hormones kick in and away we go. We think perhaps there is love on the horizon. And there is, but perhaps not in the way we expect. It's tempting to be in love with love, but that doesn't last realistically. There is so much hype in our culture about falling in love, but not many of us stay together for the long haul, till death do us part.

The Lovers is a card of choice. If we don't have any positive options to choose from, then we choose not to choose, because this is the best decision for us, especially when it comes to relationships. As Bill Shakespeare said in his play, The Taming of The Shrew, 'there is small choice in rotten apples'. To some this may sound rather jaded, but it is really about making the right choice for ourselves, taking responsibility for our own happiness. If we are not happy within ourselves no amount of lovin' can truly bring happiness.

We need maturity, discernment, determination, courage, and spiritual growth to make a relationship work, long before we choose. I need to reflect and consider all these things, and ask myself am I ready? Is this person good and match for me? Can I make compromise and adjust?
I'll keep my answer close to my chest.

Getting Smart With Your Choices - The Lovers

 Choice can be a  real difficult thing, especially when it comes to making the right decision.
 The Lovers, a Major Arcana card, is about making a choice, as Paris needs to decide who is the most fair and beautiful, Hera, Aphrodite or Athena.

Learning to make the right choices with honesty, and self-assurance or assertiveness can be a life long lesson. Many of us don't learn how to make assertive choices based on love, especially when we don't feel like being very loving after someone has done something to hurt us, or been very disrespectful. We either react in a passive manner avoiding the whole situation, or we lash out in aggression, and not with assertiveness.

 I know myself well enough to understand that it is unhealthy to let feelings fester, when I know I need to be assertive and to have faith in myself. At the same time I do not want anger and bad feelings to dictate negative behaviour toward myself or toward another. I have a choice to make choice to stand up for my own rights while not infringing on another's rights.

How I choose to stand up for myself is what will make all the difference for me, especially because I need to be loving, and at the same time get my message across, that what has happened is not appropriate or acceptable.to me. Then I need to let the situation, and what has happened, go, and not carry around a resentment, that I stick in my gunny sack.

" The problem of choice in love, which reflects one’s values because those choices are a mirror of the kind of person we wish to become. " The Mythic Tarot

The Lovers - Love, Friendship, Partnership

The Lovers is the sixth card in the Major Arcana. I am drawn to this card especially because it is associated
with the sign of Gemini which is my Sun sign ruled by Mercury.

The card suggests love, friendship, and partnership. Also it represents the duality of earthly and divine love, or true love. It also augers a time to make a crucial choice. There is temptation. A decision based on instinct and intuition rather than the intellect and there is a flash of insight. There is a moral choice based on maturity and integrity. The dilemma of choosing is reflected in our values, because our choices mirror back to us the kind of person we wish to be. Our choices affect all levels of life. We cannot be driven blindly but must look carefully at the implications before considering the choices we make.