Three of Cups - My Tribe

I always get a really good feeling when I look at the Three of Cups, illustrating a celebratory union between Psyche and Eros and the water nymphs propose the toast.

Being a Cups kind of person, and have to say I am somewhat partial to this suit regardless of the card. But I have learned to balance my heart with my head over the years, developing the practice of reminding myself to not exclude one over the other.

Cups represents the emotion. It's also card of communication, friendship and community.
Life is all about relationship with self, others and with the god of our own understanding.

This past week I celebrated 30 years of gathering with life long women friends. It was also my 63rd Birthday and so it was a very special time. It will be a really memorable occasion to me, having celebrated with this special tribe of women.

Some of us have known one another longer than 30 years and have remained in contact and we have seen each other through good and bad times. We are really all like sisters of choice and some of us are actual biological sisters.

We are also all very aware that our group of gals is pretty unusual these days. So as we have aged over the years our gatherings are becoming more significant to us individually, realizing that we have been very blessed to have one another, as a very supportive, loving, and fun loving collective tribe.
 I found the following on a site called The Organic Sister. I think it gives a good explanation of why communication, friendship and community are vital to our happiness.

12 Reasons We Women Need Our Tribes

1. We are inherently tribal. – We once lived in cultures where the women raised babies together, did laundry together, cooked together, and helped each other laugh through the ups and downs of life. We have evolved to be inter-dependent. It’s only in the last few decades that we’ve held up that Fierce Independence as the epitome of a strong woman. Well, if alone against the world is what makes you a great women, count me out. I’d rather feel great, than only look it.


2. Your partner can’t be everything. – I used to lean on Justin for everything. It was a real bitch when we had a fight and he was the only person I had to talk to about it. For awhile there I even thought it wasn’t okay to talk to other women about our challenges. And in a way I still find that true; I don’t want a tribe that will help me complain about him. I want a tribe that will help me examine my triggers and overcome any barrier that keeps us from loving one another better. I also came to find that it was simply unfair to him to place every stress on his shoulders. He’s one man, who wants very hard to fix as much as he can to see me smile, and without more support in my life my husband was becoming heavy with the burden of being the only person I would turn to help me meet my deeper needs for connection, growth, fun, or help. That’s not healthy; that’s co-dependent.


3. Your kids need a break from you. – Oh man, am I serious about this one. Especially because my son is an only child. Without my tribe of conscious mamas, from both local parenting groups with like-minded philosophies on life and parenting, to online tribes, to coaches who have helped me through rough spots, I’m pretty sure my son and I owe our relationship to the support I found in others. Without it I was constantly examining and analyzing every action my son took, worrying that I was doing something wrong (or he was), or just not giving him the space to just breathe, explore independently, or make his own choices without my fear trying to micro-manage, nag, control or stress him out. Having other mamas helped me to put things in perspective, lighten up and be a better mom more capable of responding to his needs with compassion and support.


4. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. – You want to radically change your life? Surround yourself with examples that it’s possible. You want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence? Engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper, more meaningful things. Don’t let the limitations of what those around you can do become your reality. Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seems impossible will soon become the only thing you know.


5. Girls just wanna have fun. – Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It’s our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to do you in is not so bad when our tribe helps us to play and lighten up. And fun is a damn important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more laughter and play.


6. You need people who won’t let you off the hook. – I didn’t use to see this was true about myself. I’ve always thought I was pretty self-motivated. Until my tribe called me on my bullshit and helped me to see how I was giving up, playing small or rationalizing away my dreams. Because I allowed others to know what my real desires were – what my heart ached for – they were there to call attention to the ways I was neglecting them. It was not a pretty mirror they held up but it was a much needed view that helped me to confront my real barriers and catapult right past them.


7. You need a safe place to land. – The world can be harsh. Have one terrible day and you could end up on YouTube being bashed by millions of people. Make a mistake and you probably have learned to do the bashing yourself. But the right tribe of women will open up a safe and sacred space for you to bring your cracked and weeping heart. They will wrap you in compassion and stillness and allow you to breathe and vent and process without judgment. They give you the nurturing and the encouragement to heal and grow and move forward again. I can’t tell you how powerful it is to know that a circle of women, some whom you haven’t even met, are waiting with open arms, whether you’re having a horrible day or your life has just been shattered.


8. You can’t see your own blind spots. – I’ve already mentioned a few times how the tribes of women in my life will call my on my shit. And sometimes it really pisses me off. But without their intuitive ability to hold up that mirror to what I can’t see I would still be spinning my wheels in frustration over the patterns I couldn’t change. With the multiple perspectives and the collective wisdom a tribe of soulful, conscious women can be a catalyst for the most powerful personal growth.


9. You’re can’t jump over buildings in a single bound. – Or any of the other impossible things we try to do on our own. You’re not Superwoman. You’re not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything. You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. Whether you’ve just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you’re trying to manage a household, love a family, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. Trade support. Pay for support. You’re worth the investment.


10. You’re going to drive yourself batshit crazy unless you do something for you once in awhile. – Nuff’ Said.


11. You can’t give what you don’t allow yourself to receive. – This was my Aha moment when it came to receiving support. I can NOT give it if I don’t first have it. And it’s no one else’s job to know when I need it, or how I’d like to receive it. It’s my job to seek out the things that will meet my needs in such a way that I feel so filled up with love, energy, connection, passion, and everything else I might need that I am overflowing that back out to my family, my clients and the whole world.


12. You deserve to receive a lot. – Women tend to have this idea that it’s great for other women to receive, “but oh no, not me.” “I couldn’t possibly take that from you.” “I can’t justify that for myself.” “I’d be selfish.” No. You won’t be selfish. You’re selfish when you continue to try to meet your needs in ways that aren’t effective. It wastes your time, energy, money, and capabilities. And you’re never helping others. But investing well in your own health, well-being, personal growth, mental clarity, stability and ability to do more in the world is anything but selfish. It’s imperative.

Knight of Pentacles - Steadfast

I've been writing a lot lately, I'm back to work after two weeks off, and trying to get ready for an art exhibit next month and so I feel a little pressed for time and could easily get my underwear in a big knot, if I let myself.

And so it's nice to see the Knight of Pentacles that stands placidly and steadfastly, seated bareback upon his loyal companion, his horse, and appears to be if in a meditative, mindful state taking in the beauty, sights, sounds and smells, all around him, that he loves so much. He takes pleasure in the simple things of life, and  has faith, trusting the Earth Mother will supply his needs. On a mission of sorts, he persists in living a full balanced life, is forward looking, focusing on his goal.

 The Pentacle he holds is confirmation and assurance to me that the physical demands of daily life are best managed and tempered in the context of that calm, mindful state. This is what helps us to get done, what we need to do, every day.

I have to remind myself, that I can't control the goings on around me. I can control myself and my attitude and perception toward them. It's a simple message but a vital one. I need to appreciate the menial everyday tasks and to persevere in getting them done. At the same time I need to do all I can to foster that connection with all of my environment, including my relationships and friendship with other living beings, in the natural world, be they creatures or human.

Page of Cups - Love Vs Ego

This Page gazes into the Golden Cup, seeing his mirror image. He is transfixed and enchanted by the beauty of his reflection. Seated on the bank of the river, he appears to be harmoniously surrounded by abundant, lush greenery, and flowers, with trees that look like they are embracing and drinking in the water, representing the spiritual realm.

Cups are connected to emotions, relationships, friendships and romance.
The Page of Cups is living in what looks like Paradise, but he does not take notice, as he is completely absorbed in looking at his own image in the cup. This Page is the young nymph Narcissus, who has fallen in love with his own reflection. He has been unaware of his own identity until now.

Trees for me, always symbolize friendship, and like the trees the roots of friendship run deep, and are all connected deep within the earth. Humans have a direct relationship with nature, which transcends into a spiritual relationship, as we are all part of the earth. It is impossible to separate ourselves from this fact, though in today's world, there exists a big disconnect, as we humans see ourselves as superior to nature. We some how believe that our primary purpose is to use, abuse, and exploit the natural world, and the good earth in whatever ways that are expedient to us.

The Page of Cups embodies the gentle beginnings of self-love, as opposed to the vain love that Narcissus represents. It is true, we are not able to love another, nor fully participate in a loving relationship, if we cannot love and accept who we are. The other extreme is about our egos being so self-absorbed, thinking we are superior, which never allows for happiness, peace of mind, or living a life in harmony with nature, where we are caring for and being good stewards of the world we live in.

The Lovers - A Heinz 57 In The Shadow of the Beloved

The sign of Gemini, the twins, and my birth sign, are associated with The Lovers. Love, friendship, and partnership, are all suggested in this card. There is an implied duality of earthly and divine love. I see it as a push and pull tension between the two and having to make a decision.

I reflected today when I drew this card, on how I have always longed and searched all my life, for a relationship with divine love, but truthfully in the past, I was more preoccupied with earthly love. My search for the Divine involved attending Church, with my mother at a young age, which I know now, had planted the seeds of faith. I wasn't so much searching then, not until I hit puberty during my adolescence.

When I was 13, and a very troubled kid, I would often go to find solace, in a big Cathedral church that sat on top of the hill, overlooking the city where my family lived. I could find peace and comfort there. I loved the statues of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and felt a deep connection with her. Today I see why, because of my identification with the goddess.

 I then began to meagerly, explore Zen Buddhism, and soon went on to seriously involve myself with studying Christianity in a formal way at 18. I was soon baptized and confirmed as what is commonly known as an Anglo-Catholic, which has all the bells and smells of Roman Catholicism, minus the belief in the infallibility of the Pope, and a few other differing adherences.

Once I hit 30, I decided I had really always been very drawn to Catholicism, and so I converted, took all the classes, joined a church and became a Roman Catholic, prior to all the sexual abuse issues coming to light within the church. 

After several years of being a Catholic, and around the time I became a member of a 12 step program in the 80s, my ideas surrounding belief, slowly began to evolve, into what I would call less religious, and more spiritual. I came to realize I could no longer be a member of a church that was full of corruption, that embodied abuse, through power and control. I was finding spirituality and fellowship, that was second to none, in the rooms of recovery. I knew this is where I belonged.

At this stage of my life, I have a positive relationship with the Divine, that is about knowing the meaning of the God of my understanding, and feeling a deep sense of serenity, because of that understanding.

I am so blessed to have had a very open minded and loving mother, who never forced her religious beliefs, and let me find my own way. You might say I have been a Heinz 57 religiously.
My mother gently instilled and imparted her faith, gave me a sense of wrong and right, and a belief in God.  I am so very grateful that we were able to share our simple faith in those quiet moments, between mother and daughter, that have stayed close to my heart, all of my life, and always.

Friendship and Human Kindness - Four of Wands

 Jason would never have been able to achieve his goal without the kindness, and generousity of his friends who helped him to achieve his goal of obtaining the Golden Fleece.

The same holds true for our own friendships, which is truly a blessing. I know I could never survive without my friends in my life, past, present or future. It is a remarkable, and I think miraculous event, when we meet up with new friends, seeing those we have known all our lives, but are now separated from, for great lengths of time, and when we meet up with them again, it is as if we've never been apart.

I remember meeting certain folks, if only briefly, that I felt an immediate connection with, that I will never forget. My mother would always say that real, true friendships are few, and far between. If you can call those individuals in your life, true friends, you are blessed. I agree with her.

Acquaintances can be many, but these are not deep friendships. However when I reflect on the meaning of friendship, I think of kindnesses shown to me. I think of all the people who picked me up hitch hiking to, and from University when I had no vehicle. I think of days I had to reach out to others who never hesitated to  respond, even when I didn't ask, with no expectation. Many of these people I do not see, or may never see again, but I consider them friends, because of their kindness toward me, when I most needed help, and I will never, ever forget them.

Christmas is a time when we celebrate with our friends and family. But for many it is not so much a time of celebration, but a time of sadness and struggle. It is easy to love your immediate friends and family, not so easy to do for those who are out of sight and out of mind, such as those who are in prison or are experiencing homelessness.

There is not much virtue in loving your friends, but with those who are our enemies or those we do not know, it is when we show human kindness that makes all the difference to another, and to ourselves. Small kindnesses should never be underestimated, they are just as important as the large kindnesses..

I hope this Christmas  and throughout the coming years, I will reach out to others, and impart that human kindness that was so freely given to me, regardless if they are my friends or not.

 I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
 
Ettiene De Grellet

King of Pentacles - We Are All Pilgrims

The King of Pentacles is a good fellow to have in your court. He's a tough self-made man, is excellent at managing business, successful at what he does, and has what is commonly called, the Midas touch, referencing to King Midas, in that, everything he touches turns to gold. Not exactly the Donald Trump type, because Donald likes to fire people, and has really weird hair, but the King of Pentacles can be your best friend, and if you are his partner he'll be devoted to you, and make you his Queen..

The challenge of worldly things and manifesting ambition, is what is represented in the King of Pentacles, however there is a warning. Greed, and material goals cannot be superseded by other aspects of life, especially in relation to higher ideals and spiritual values.

In today's world, we are on a very negative course, using up and spoiling the earth's resources and species, threatening out environment with the never ending climb to the top of the corporate ladder and accumulation of wealth. It is easy for many, to turn away from three quarters of those in the world  who live in dire circumstances and extreme poverty.

 We are all just pilgrims I believe, and we are just passing through. Life is very short, and we have an obligation to our children, and our great grandchildren to leave this world a better place, and there is no room for self-serving greed.

I've always had a deep attraction to the Virginian Appalachia because of how historically, the people are rooted in their land, tradition, beliefs and their deep sense of home.

The King of Pentacles caused me to reflect on a song I listened to, at the library in downtown Toronto, where I lived many years ago. It was a song called, I Am A Poor Pilgrim Of Sorrow, from Classic Mountain Songs, sung in A cappella (Italian for "in the manner of the church" or "in the manner of the chapel"). It deeply touched my soul, and has never left me. There is also a song with a similar melody, A Poor Wayfaring Stranger. I found this version by Eric Bibb who is my favourite Gospel singer and here's his version. It makes me reflect on what is really important in life; not money, success or wealth, but our relationships with ourselves, with others, and the God of our own understanding.

Four of Wands - Friends

 In this card we see Jason gathered with his friends and shipmates, about to set off for their great adventure to find the Golden Fleece. This adventure of sailing to the ends of the earth is not only daunting, but it is something that cannot be done by Jason alone, and he knows it. This is why Jason gathers his friends around him. Each friend has different strengths, skills and inner resources upon which he can draw.
The Four of Wands like Jason's friends reminds me of the Four Elements, each one bringing it's particular nature.


Drawing the Four of Wands this morning made me wonder, what does this card have to say to me. Then I saw clearly, it speaks about the importance of having friendship with those we can trust. No one is an island, and we all need friends and we need to know how to be a good friend to others, to all God's creatures, and to the earth.


My mother, the very wise woman she was, would say, we can have many acquaintances, but if a person has a few close friends in life, they are very blessed. I have also found this to be very true. We can have long time friends and we can meet new friends that we feel close to, even though we may never meet them face to face, particularly in the age of the internet, meeting people from all over, the world. Many of our old friends we may not see for years but when we are reunited we pick up just where we left off, like we had never been apart, because we are bonded.

As I age I am  more and more grateful for my friends, as they have been and are like family to me, as I would be lost without them, and may never have survived the things I faced.
We have chosen one another. We cannot choose our families, and sometimes we are not as close to our biological family as the friends we choose as family. Friendship is precious.

Six of Cups - Nostaligia

The Six of Cups may look like a card of unhappiness but it is not, it is a card of nostalgia. Psyche, sitting on the rock mid the calm sea, has learned much about herself, and not simply in spite of loss, but perhaps because of it and there is harmony.

Feeling nostalgia is very different than feeling regret, and living in the past, which is pointless, regardless of how wonderful or painful it once was, or how we perceive it to have been. We cannot change the past, unless we have done some thing to hurt another, including ourselves, we can make amends and try to make things right. Forgiving ourselves for the part we have played in our loss and hurt, is often the most difficult part, especially if we do not kindly care about ourselves, the way we might be toward others.

I have learned the hard lesson, that there is nothing that will drive us more crazy, than trying to get something from someone who cannot, or will not give us what we want, or need, including ourselves. Acceptance is the key. This does not mean accepting unacceptable behaviour, or being a doormat, allowing ourselves to be stepped on, or used.

 Once when we grasp and come to the point of acceptance, will we find peace and serenity. Only then will we be able to move on and achieve our goals, no matter how big or small.

Our memory makes up a big part of what defines who we are, and so, we don't want to forget. As we age, we often reminisce, and can get lost in nostalgic thought about those good old days, that perhaps weren't as good as we recall, but not necessarily all being negative either. Our perception and perspective is all relative and important. I find it fascinating how in families, sibling's recollection of the same experience can be entirely different, and occasionally can lead to argument and even divisiveness. One sibling will see great hurt and loss in the family, another will see the exact opposite, as if they'd grown up in different households and families.

This day is what makes up the good old days, and like Psyche where she first encountered Eros, we contemplate that cup of emotion we hold, connected to relationship, friendship and romance, and we long for days and loves gone by. We are more likely to learn and find happiness in looking back, if we do not stare, regret, nor shut the door on the past.

If we embrace, appreciate and are grateful for our present, we can move forward with hope, for a future that will be easier, and happier. We can weather the rough seas of life and loss, finding calm in the eye of the storm, and know tranquility, peace, serenity and freedom.

Two of Cups - Love

I've been doing a lot of thinking and day dreaming lately, which could be a dangerous thing! But, before I leave myself open to revealing my vulnerable feelings, I will simply tell you about the card I drew this morning. I don't think it's too hard to read between the lines.

That said, the Two of Cups is about connections, friendship, love, passion and romance. Eek! Of course this card does not always mean romance, it can signify friendships and connections as well.
Here, the Two of Cups portrays the meeting between the god Eros, and the mortal Psyche. It is a sad quandary Eros has gotten himself in, accidentally pricking his finger with the arrow he carries , which causes him to fall in love with the woman he has been ordered to kill!

The Two of Cups heralds the beginning of a relationship. Perhaps a relationship that has undergone difficulties or separation, and now there is about to be a reconciliation. This relationship is one where each individual is a complete and whole person, having maturity of growth, through life experience. Neither is looking for the other to complete them, nor to be responsible for each other. They are companions comfortable in their own skin, and with one another. They understand each other. This couple has realistic expectations of one another, have their feet firmly planted on the ground, and do not have their heads in the clouds.
This also may indicate the start of a business relationship.

Cups are connected to emotions, relationships, friendship and romance. As well, the suit of cups are associated with the element of water, and the water signs of the Zodiac: Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces.

Many of us are fearful of love and friendship, because we know within our hearts, that when we love, we leave our selves open and vulnerable, to being hurt, perhaps having our hearts broken, and ultimately loosing the very person we love through separation, abandonment, and or through death. There are worse things than death, but nothing greater than love. It transcends and heals all things of the heart, and love casts out fear.

" I am afraid of the things that cannot hurt me, and I know it. I yearn for things that cannot help me, and I know it. What I fear is within me, and within me too is what I need. "
                                                                                   
                                                                              -  Chassidic Quote

Three of Cups - Joy

 Cups are the suit connected to emotions, relationships, , community, fellowship, friendship and romance.
In the Three of Cups, Eros and Psyche are portrayed being wedded to one another. A joyous occasion.
Joy is state of mind, and a feeling that is cause to celebrate. In today's world it seems joy can be hard to find.


Having a grateful attitude is a habit that can help us to celebrate joy in our lives. By not minimizing the simple  things, or not taking things for granted, this can greatly increase our feelings of joy. Our happiness is proportional to maintaining this daily habit.

The Three of Cups represents the initial completion of abundance, happiness, love, being loved, and emotional fulfillment. It's time to celebrate.
Relax and take credit for a job well done. There are successful ventures ahead. Life is unfolding and the journey is just beginning.
You may be moving toward retirement.

Along with the joy there can be a certain flush of romance and life that is full of promise and with it comes deeper experience of the heart, that is reached through both happiness and sorrow.

 “All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still 'about to be'.”
                       - C.S Lewis, Surprised by Joy