The Lovers - The Matters of the Heart

Here we see the handsome Trojan prince Paris who's been forced by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between the three goddesses - Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who've offered him many things, the world and then some.

Young Paris didn't understand one darn thing about life, beauty, love or what his inner values were. And so he made his decision with little thought or no matter how unwise. He chose Aphrodite,  the sensual goddess of love. Oh she was a real hotty, and how could he resist? It was a done deal. But this was just the beginning of the troubles that followed his decision.

Honestly, this isn't the card I wanted to see today. But there it is, The Lovers. This card indicates and represents a new love, or being concerned with decisions regarding matters of the heart. It's not something I want to think about so much these days.  But I'm finding myself in the position once again. It mostly gives me more grief than anything I think, to entertain the thought of seriously engaging in a romantic long term relationship again, I admit I'm afraid. I don't have the best track record because of my life experiences. It's not that I fault myself necessarily, it's just the circumstances that was my reality.

I met the man I loved 38 years ago, who I lost suddenly and tragically to illness at 27. I find myself comparing other men to him and often my decision to get involved romantically, is to quote George Bush Sr., no, na-ah, nope, not gona happen, not gona do it, wouldn't be prudent.
I had some short term relationships in between my first and second marriage.

The second time around my marriage ended in divorce after marrying an abusive alcoholic man. Fortunately I decided to get out after two years, but psychologically it was hard to separate and it took me about five years to completely, sever ties. It wasn't easy and I couldn't have done it without having a great deal of counseling and help.

 Growing up with an alcoholic father, co-dependent and eventually becoming alcoholic myself, all added to my insanity, until I got into recovery 23 years ago.

So this card reminds me to make wise decisions. If I'm having a hard time, in confusion, I seek out the help and counsel of some one I trust and or a power greater than myself to draw strength and discernment from everyday.

If you can't figure out how to have a real relationship with yourself, understanding who you are, loving and accepting the person you are, it's impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Your ability to make the right decision is unclear and disabled.

Lots of folks these days choose online dating sites. I have friends that it seems to have worked out for them. Time will tell. I have nothing against this and it doesn't matter how you go about meeting someone. What does matter, is knowing what you don't want, what you do want, and knowing what you need is right and good for you.

It takes time and work to have a discerning ability, which is paramount in our relationships. Shared spiritual values with a companion-ability helps to make you good friends who have real fun together, and you laugh a lot, no matter what you do.

As my wise late mother once said to me. If you are going to have a love affair and you find yourself crying more than laughing it's time to leave.

Eight of Swords - What Do I Fear?

A card well chosen for me  today, because I've been feeling a little fearful and a little stuck.

The Eight of Swords shows Orestes who is between a rock and a hard place. He feels like he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. In a state of paralysis, with Apollo on his left, who's giving Orestes the evil eyeball and to the left are the three Furies, with their ugly on a ape faces, their bat wings and snake hair. I think we all can  identify with this feeling like we can't move, change our mind or our situation. It's not good.

Fear is something that is present in life, for all of us and manifests itself in so many ways and when we can't make a decision we can feel paralyzed, knowing that whatever we do is going to be problematic for us and might even be perceived as being life threatening us in one way or another. If nothing else it's stressful and anxiety producing.

 At times our fears are natural, realistic, warranted and understandable. Others fears emerge as phobias that we might carry into our adult life from childhood, like fear of the dark, or like me, I had a choking phobia when eating cheese or ice cream, and had a fear of bees when I was a kid. I still have my phobias but have learned to control them.

We can get treatment for phobia and we can choose to avoid situations where they present themselves, or they may lessen with time when we learn strategies to cope. But some problems are more difficult to overcome with out making a decision to do something about it, in spite of our fears. If we choose not to take any action we remain stuck in the quagmire, hobbled by our fear and the situation worsens, effecting almost every aspect of our lives.

 Some of us experience a learned helplessness because we've become dependent or co-dependent on someone else to solve our problems, but this is ineffective in the long term. It's pretty difficult for any one else to help us if we can't help ourselves.

Ultimately we have to make the decision to change what we can for ourselves, face our fears and learn new skills that will help us to cope and hold those fears in check, without letting them control us. Otherwise we are simply spinning our wheels, going nowhere fast.

My experience has been that I had to make friends with my fear. Not to say fear's my new best bud, on no, definitely not but I've learned to make fear work for me. Sometimes this doesn't work, but I know fear is a necessary normal feeling, that will pass and that I need to work with it, instead of against it. I can then hopefully, make a good decision with some discernment in order to make a necessary change. Asking for help from others who have perhaps been through similar circumstance is important because I don't need to solve all my problems in isolation. I've always believed that when I can share a problem with someone else, it lessens my problem by half.

Two of Swords - The Supernatural Mind

I haven't a supernatural mind, although in the past I've deluded myself into thinking I could be a superwoman. But that sure didn't work out right.

I thought Supernatural Mind would be a good title for my post after drawing the Two of Swords. This card was not menacing or threatening like some in the suit of Swords I have drawn over the past two days.

Here we see Orestes in between his mother, Queen Clytemnestra (now there's a handle) and his father, King Agamemnon, another wild one.This pair are more than troublesome on so many levels. Both are murderers and have their own selfish agenda reflecting their destructive, grandiose egos. Orestes does not want to listen, or engage with either of them, though he does need to make a decision to act which is indicated in the Two of Swords, in order to find some kind of peace and serenity within this horrendous storm. This may mean walking away, finding a healthy balance between his mind and his heart, or between reason and faith.

These two symbolic Greek figures cause me to reflect on the balance between the mind (reason) and the supernatural (faith). Agamemnon's downfall was to put his ego and pride before anything, which eventually resulted in his death at the hands of Artemis, the best Huntress and by his own vengeful wife, Clytemnestra, who wants revenge on her husband for sacrificing their daughter.

Reason and faith may seem diametrically opposed, but they are not. They work best in conjunction with one another, and balanced. I cannot solely rely on my own reason,or  mind to provide all the answers to my questions. I also need to hold my ego in check and remember to practice humility.

I've learned that I cannot blindly follow any doctrine without question, but at some point I needed and continue to need faith and trust in a power greater than myself, were reason can no longer provide explanation. I need to trust and have confidence in myself as well.

The path of least resistance is not always the best way to make a decision in order to avoid the fall out, or to keep the status quo, as there are going to be repercussions regardless. It is better to fish or cut bait.

The Chariot - Decisions

Interpreting this card on a intuitive level, The Chariot is about decision, trying to get from one place to another, moving forward safely, and surely. It is about weighing the pros and cons, harnessing the oppositional forces between knowing what I should do, what I want to do and about discernment.

 I am no different than any one in that, I fight with myself, can be my own worse enemy, self-sabotaging  my intentions and plans. The old adage of 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions' comes immediately to mind."

I have been re-reading and trying hard to not simply grasps the concepts, but the many truths in The Heroines Journey, Women's Quest For Wholeness, by Maureen Murdoch. I want to actualize these truths in my life, so as to lessen the fights I have with myself in order to become whole, mind, body and spirit.

Like The Fool this is the journey of life, and I am at a new chapter. I know this deep in my soul. If I do not  begin this journey it is to deny all that is youthful, creative, and that which is greater than myself.

The Fool - Egg Tempera on Porcelain Tile, 2015 - Catherine Meyers

Seven of Cups - Reality and Fantasy

The Seven of Cups speaks of an emotional situation with the potential of a positive outcome. This is a card of fantasy and reality.

Here Psyche is confronted by Aphrodite, who points to the seven golden cups in the air, which symbolize 'castles in the air'. Psyche fantasizes about the future, which cannot be realized without the acceptance of the reality of hard work and sacrifice.


I think there was a show on television once, called "Reality Bites." It does much of the time. Sometimes we are faced with situations were we become painfully aware that we can't go on in denial or fantasy. It is a difficult decision we are sometimes faced with in our day to day lives, and this can result in a very heavy heart, because it may appear we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.We can feel like we are between a rock and a hard place, because of the limitations that reality offers, in spite of our hope for a better future circumstance.

It is essential that we carefully consider our decisions, however we must make decisions. Whatever the outcome, we will have to accept, but it is necessary that we decide in order to move forward.
We will always face difficult choices in our lives, and like Psyche we must learn to have patience, faith and perseverance in order to have the strength to make our choices based on reality, not fantasy.