Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The Lovers - The Matters of the Heart

Here we see the handsome Trojan prince Paris who's been forced by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between the three goddesses - Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who've offered him many things, the world and then some.

Young Paris didn't understand one darn thing about life, beauty, love or what his inner values were. And so he made his decision with little thought or no matter how unwise. He chose Aphrodite,  the sensual goddess of love. Oh she was a real hotty, and how could he resist? It was a done deal. But this was just the beginning of the troubles that followed his decision.

Honestly, this isn't the card I wanted to see today. But there it is, The Lovers. This card indicates and represents a new love, or being concerned with decisions regarding matters of the heart. It's not something I want to think about so much these days.  But I'm finding myself in the position once again. It mostly gives me more grief than anything I think, to entertain the thought of seriously engaging in a romantic long term relationship again, I admit I'm afraid. I don't have the best track record because of my life experiences. It's not that I fault myself necessarily, it's just the circumstances that was my reality.

I met the man I loved 38 years ago, who I lost suddenly and tragically to illness at 27. I find myself comparing other men to him and often my decision to get involved romantically, is to quote George Bush Sr., no, na-ah, nope, not gona happen, not gona do it, wouldn't be prudent.
I had some short term relationships in between my first and second marriage.

The second time around my marriage ended in divorce after marrying an abusive alcoholic man. Fortunately I decided to get out after two years, but psychologically it was hard to separate and it took me about five years to completely, sever ties. It wasn't easy and I couldn't have done it without having a great deal of counseling and help.

 Growing up with an alcoholic father, co-dependent and eventually becoming alcoholic myself, all added to my insanity, until I got into recovery 23 years ago.

So this card reminds me to make wise decisions. If I'm having a hard time, in confusion, I seek out the help and counsel of some one I trust and or a power greater than myself to draw strength and discernment from everyday.

If you can't figure out how to have a real relationship with yourself, understanding who you are, loving and accepting the person you are, it's impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Your ability to make the right decision is unclear and disabled.

Lots of folks these days choose online dating sites. I have friends that it seems to have worked out for them. Time will tell. I have nothing against this and it doesn't matter how you go about meeting someone. What does matter, is knowing what you don't want, what you do want, and knowing what you need is right and good for you.

It takes time and work to have a discerning ability, which is paramount in our relationships. Shared spiritual values with a companion-ability helps to make you good friends who have real fun together, and you laugh a lot, no matter what you do.

As my wise late mother once said to me. If you are going to have a love affair and you find yourself crying more than laughing it's time to leave.


Ellen said...

I can understand how hard it is to make the right choice in regards to relationships. I have been getting to know myself the last twelve years on my own so well. Maybe even better than when I was in a relationship since I was so eager to please. Now I can honestly say I am in a loving, still often challenging relationship with myself.
I think the older we get the harder it is to find someone compatible, because we get so used to our own ways. I know my "no, na-ah, nope, not gona happen, not gona do it,"are only increasing. :)

Unknown said...

OH boy do I ever relate to what you are saying Ellen about the relationship with yourself. I think you are right the older we get as women the more the word no increases and we feel quite comfortable with that.

I remember something I think maybe Dr. Phil or maybe John Bradshaw said, don't invest any more into a relationship than what you are willing to risk loosing. I think there is some good wisdom in that statement. I really wish it was different and don't like to say this, but women emotionally are light years ahead, and I wonder when men will ever catch up. Bless their hearts. Of course I'm sure there are many of them that think the same of women but not in an emotional sense, more on the intellectual level. Their egos usually get in the way.

In the mean time we'll give our selves lots of loving affirmations and big hugs! And I'm sending you loving affirmations and big hugs too!<3