Benjamin Disraeli said " Never complain, never explain." I don't know a lot about Disraeli, but what I do know of him, I'm not a fan. Perhaps this saying, he came by way of a hard lesson learned.
When we complain, whine, dodge, bob or weave with excuses, it is not only unseemly, it really turns a lot of people off. We all have problems, get annoyed by greater or lesser life events. Shit happens! That never changes. But the good news is, we can change, ourselves, and change our attitude, with an attitude of gratitude.
We all have our limitations, as illustrated in the Five of Swords that portrays Orestes facing the god Apollo, who informs him of his fate, and his obligation toward his family inheritance, in spite of it's unfairness. I'm sure Orestes might be thinking to himself, " If I'd only been born a woman, I'd never have had to face this lot! Why me?
Blaming our sexuality, or whatever our life circumstances on our misery, unhappiness, or being hard done by, by life's messes, fact is, we decide ultimately what we make of our lives, in spite of or even because of our situation.
I don't believe in a preordained, set in stone destiny, but I do believe I am in charge of my own destiny. If I spend all my energy, and time on complaints, and explanations, I am guaranteed some real good unhappiness. I'll be overwhelmed, and preoccupied with thoughts of 'if only' and 'what if' or why the hell did this happen to me?
Disraeli I figure, must have come up with this slogan for some reason. Perhaps he was getting sick of hearing himself complain and explain and it just wasn't workin' for him. Regardless of his reason, I've found it to be a good thing to remember, when I find myself complaining, and/or explaining.
4 comments:
This is a wise lesson to remember. Sometimes, especially when I am tired, I can throw a pity party for myself. But soon I realize its not doing me any good. "An attitude of gratitude" is what is helping me to keep my head up even in difficult times. It is not our situation which defines us but how we deal with it. That way everything becomes a gift
Hugs
You're on it, you got it, you go girl!
In AA we have a saying for ' pity parties. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink! No gifts at this kinda party!
Hugs to you Ellen!
Your post reminds me of a quote by Pema Chodron, one of my favorite Buddhist authors:
“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart...”
We get so caught up in blaming and complaining, we forget to attend to what's really important! :)
That's a great analogy Bev! Thank you for sharing it. Those Buddhists sure know what they are talking about! :)
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