Five of Cups - Attention - The One Cup Left Standing

"Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.
Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.
If we turn our mind toward the good, it is impossible that little by little the whole soul will not be attracted thereto in spite of itself."

                                                         -Simone Weil

We see here Psyche who is in desperate pursuit of Eros. Their relationship seems to have completely gone off the rails. Psyche has shone the lamp on Eros to reveal what he looked like, after he forbid her to ever do so. However all is not lost. Yes there are four cups knocked over, spilling the contents. However one still remains standing, symbolizing what is left will strengthen and sustain their love for one another, not based on will, but based on attention.

Cups representing emotion, and the Five of Cups being about adversity, loss, regret and bereavement makes this card very poignant in meaning for me today. It's been said , if you don't deal with your emotions, they will deal with you.  But how do we do this?

I've come to an important realization over the past week regarding death, loss and how it's fraught with deep emotion, it effects and how continues to affect me, and knowing what I can and need do about it.

Recently our small rural coastal community lost one of our young people to suicide. It's affected all of us in various ways, and degrees, especially affecting the immediate family and friends.

Our culture doesn't cope well with death, and we keep it at arms length. Most of us have grown up with out the skills of knowing what to do or say to those who are grieving. When we're directly affected by the loss of our loved ones, we're often at a complete loss as to how to cope, experiencing overwhelming fear and trauma resulting in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, especially if we have had more than our share of tragedy and loss in our lives.

After doing some research on line, I've come to the conclusion my responses to death, are a direct result of my own symptoms of PTSD, having experienced so much loss in my life due to the tragic deaths of loved ones mostly caused by disease. I was really mostly unaware of this, until the past week. I knew my reactions were troubling, disconcerting and probably not normal, but I never consciously attributed them to PTSD. I was mostly left with anxiety, fear and guilt.

I'm relieved to know this, as I can now begin to process and really understand my reactions and feelings that I've been experiencing over the years, and do something about it.

Yesterday I went to see the grandparents of this beautiful young person we lost to suicide. They're both my friends and neighbours. I walked to their house. On the way I became acutely aware of the visceral feelings I was having. Panic, anxiety, pounding heart, all underlined by overall feelings of depression. Regardless and in spite of my feelings, I'd paid close attention to what it was I wanted and needed to do to express my deep sorrow for their loss. Though I was wanting to run away and not go, I continued up the road to see them. I'd made muffins, had a poem in hand and a prayer in my heart, for them, and for myself.
  I felt so much better after our visit and my feelings had dispelled. We cried, talked, laughed and shelled beans from their garden. I know we all felt better.


In 1980 I lost my newly wed young husband at the age of 26 to Brittle Diabetes and drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. Bill was two years older than this young person who recently died in our community.

 People might think, that was over thirty years ago when I'd lost my husband, maybe I should be "over" it. It doesn't matter how long it's been. What does matter is how you cope and what other losses happen adding to the complexity of grief and coping skills. My own self-medicating behaviour through the use and abuse of alcohol, only created more confusion and grief. I was lost until I reached out for help and got clean and sober 22 years ago. But just because you've put the cork in the bottle, doesn't mean everything is all better now.



 I remember what a very spiritual man said to me about prayer when Bill died. He talked to me about how prayer is carrying someone in your heart. It's paying attention with faith and love.

 Today I live without the use of alcohol, but cannot live without prayer in my life, both for others and for myself. It's the one cup, left standing, that I paid attention to.

Ace of Pentacles - Super Moon

This dude Poseidon has shown up twice in a week and a half this month. Here he is again, and it's a good time for the Ace of Pentacles to appear with the Super Moon tonight revealing itself. I'd heard today on the radio it hasn't been this big in 68 years. I did manage to get a photograph.

A very emotional day for me today and goes along with what seems to be a water theme right now. But I feel very blessed and even lucky, though I don't believe in such a thing really. Prayer is what works for me and what I mean is, I don't always get what I want when I pray, but I really do get what I need, even though I might not like the answer, or seemingly lack of an answer.

I've be in great need of water and yesterday I finally got it back completely. Today I had a glorious bath in my bathtub and even finally got completely caught up with my big accumulating pile of laundry and hung it all out to dry in the sunshine on the clothes line. Awww the smell, it was truly divine!

Whew! To say it's a relief to have water again, would be an understatement. It's the miracle of water, the very miracle and prosperity of life it's self, and my answered prayer for water.

The Super Moon November 13th 2016

Nine of Cups -- I Make Prayers My Cup Is Full

The great synchronicity in this card the Nine of Cups, The Wish Card that I've drawn today is truly a beautiful thing. Representing fruition, comfort and satisfaction are just a few adjectives I'd use to describe my feelings. Mostly though, I am so very grateful.

 I went back in my journal to see how long it's been since I haven't had water running from my gravity fed Spring into my taps. It's been since October 21st, ten days.

This morning I plugged in my water pump not expecting any water. I have an open hole in my basement  and  when it rains the water table comes up and I'm able to gather up some water for washing, but only if it's rained. It had been raining over the past week and so as I was getting what water I could. I took quick notice that the sound of my pump was different. I immediately went over to look at the gauge and there I could see the needle gauge that had moved, increasing exponentially! Oh my goodness I was overjoyed and could hardly believe it! I flung my hands  and arms up in the air in praise and thanks!

Prior to this grand event I was beginning to let thoughts of worry creep in, wondering how much longer this drought was going to last, as Winter and freeze up is not far away. I was feeling like I was at the end of my rope and at a complete loss in knowing how this was going to be resolved and conclude.

I haven't seen this kind of drought in the 22 years I've lived here, except twice. The second situation was due to 50 below weather that caused an old underground pipe to freeze and bust. Thankfully I won't have that problem again, having the pipes replaced deep in the ground and won't freeze.

It's common for human beings to take what we have for granted. It's only when we're suddenly without or it's gone, that our attitudes change.

Psyche and Eros have come to the same realization, in that they'd almost lost their deep love for one another. Having now established a firm spiritual foundation, they've made the commitment to build upon their relationship, based on this spiritual foundation. Without this awareness that all life is sacred we will not survive.

Water is sacred. Water represents life itself and without it we will not survive.


Make prayers for the life of the rivers
Make prayers for the creeks and the streams
make prayers to the Holy Myst’ry
Make prayers for Earth Mother’s dreams.

Fall down on your knees by the water
Fall down on the muck, sand or slate
Fall down in humility, hope and love
And pray that it’s not too late.

            - Water Walker, Grandmother Josephine Mandamin

The Red Road - Coloured Pencil, Catherine Meyers

Knight of Swords - "Shit Happens"

Change can be scary. I'm not sure it can be anything else. But it doesn't have to be overwhelming.
When change comes it can feel like our life is in total chaos, and it probably is, but I can't plan for how I am going to deal with it all, because life happens in unpredictable sometimes messy ways, but I can do things to prepare myself. One thing that is predictable is that change happens. As my old friend Charlie once said to me, at a time in my life of deep sorrow, "shit happens". He was right, that never changes".

The Knight of Swords is all about how we adapt and accept turbulent change. This card represents motion, and mercurial energy, based on the element of air, signifying a duplicity in the realm of the mind, and our ability to move with changes, that lead to a broader vision of life.

If we aren't open to change in life, we get stuck. We base our decisions on opinions that are reactionary and often hasty, because we are fearful of change and want to maintain some semblance of control.We just want to escape the mess.

The three mainstays in life that continue to enable me to accept disruptive and fluctuating change, are prayer, persistence and simple trust.

I have come to understand that tribulation gives me the opportunity to increase my patience, with patience comes experience, and with experience comes hope.

The Knight of Swords represents Gemini the identical Warrior twins and mythic figures of the quarrelsome Dioscuri, Polydeuces and Castor. Being a Gemini myself I understand this card all too well. I am grateful to have taken the road less traveled that has given me a broader vision of life.

Death- Transformative Experiences

I rarely get this card in my daily draw, although lately it's been making an appearance and it always gets my attention. In spite of infrequently drawing this card it makes sense to me today as it speaks of transformation, a kind of out with the old, and in with the new pretext, which is exactly where I am presently  in my life. It's both exciting and daunting simultaneously, that directly involves my creative goals and objectives.

Transforming experiences are brought about via internal or external forces, but ultimately it is our responsibility to decide what to do in response to the circumstances in which we find ourselves. I always try hard to work with what I've got, and my out look is to take an optimistic, hopeful and trusting stance, regardless of the situation, be it positive or negative.

 The power of our mind can never be underestimated in it's ability to transform the quality of our lives.

Skeleton Woman - Egg Tempera on Wood - Catherine Meyers

Seven of Swords - Do I Take My Own Advice?

 The Seven of Swords can be seen by some as a dark card. I see it as being about applying the skills of diplomacy, tact, charm or even gile as a means to an end, to achieve the outcome we want or need. But what really interests me is in knowing how I apply these skills to myself?

 Sometimes we can be good a convincing others, or giving our expertise advice to someone else, but when it comes to ourselves, we're often not so motivated, even though we might very much want or need a desired outcome.

 Having a a big ongoing brouhaha with ourselves gets to be real tiresome, very frustrating, and we can easily just give up. Letting go, and turning it over can certainly help matters and for me prayer helps immeasurably, and even if I didn't, I'd have nothing to loose. Being a little stubborn helps too.

  If it's something you absolutely have to do, and there are existing outside mitigating circumstances that cause you to get your arse in gear, these can certainly get you moving, because if you don't, there will likely be a price to be paid. If the price paid is going to be worse than doing what you aren't motivated to do, in all likely hood we'll do it, because we don't want to loose face, be embarrassed, ashamed or simply disappointed in ourselves for nothing trying. Most times the price is too hard on the old ego.

We can't always find the ideal approach in order to get the job done, but whatever approach we take, and it does get the job done, you might find that you feel a whole lot better for this, and wonder why you didn't or couldn't seem to heed your own advice.

I've been busy over this past month getting some major, what I'd describe as big yucky jobs around the house done. As a matter of fact, I just finished one that had me contorted in just about every imaginable position. But as we say here in the Maritimes, I got 'er done! Wow, I'm sure glad that one's over. I'm getting better at taking my own advice!

Strength - What Makes You Strong?

Many moons ago, I used to do a lot of strength training for many years. I felt great to feel the physical strength that comes with resistance training. It's something I could definitely benefit from again, now that I've reached that crone age. I have to go for a bone density test next month, so it will be interesting to see the results of that test.

The kind of strength that comes with strength training can indirectly affect you inner strength of course, but the strength that results from trust, persistence, perseverance, and experience is equally effective to increase your strength of character.

Living on my own for most of my life has mostly proven to be a challenge in many ways, and though I am an independent woman, I would never think, nor could I ever say, that I did it all on my own, because I have that kind of strength. No, definitely not, far from it.

There is a kind of strength in numbers for sure. If we help one another, and really understand that sometimes we all need to ask for help, and that it's equally as important to simply offer your help to others, without them having to ask, and help one another to be strong in our weakness.

Lately I've been getting some very unexpected help, and today was such a day, and I want to say how very grateful I am. Truthfully, I know I have my own strengths, but honestly my strength relies on the help that comes from the grace and mercy of the God of my understanding, and from the generous heart and spirit of others. Without them all, I'd have been be dead in the water, a long time ago.

If I can give back in any way I do, because I know I can't keep what I have, unless I give it away, and that's what makes me strong.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” - Ian Maclaren

The Chariot - Do I Have a Discerning Balance?

I can't remember the last time I drew The Chariot. This is a card of balance, power, energy and discernment.

 Lately I have been doing a lot of praying for others, and for myself. I think many times the best prayers are for others, and prayers of thanksgiving. I know too I need to say prayers for myself. Mostly that my will be aligned with the God of my understanding. But sometimes I have to ask for help when I am up against it, and I have done all that I can do, and so I pray.

 The Chariot reminds me that when we are being pulled and pushed in different directions, we have to decide what we can and cannot do. Maintaining our focus on keeping our balance is perhaps all we can do even though we may feel and know that anything can happen. This is the way life is, and many of us try to simply keep our heads above water, or the struggles and hardships we have endured can give us strength to rise above, becoming better people, and we can help others in return, for what has been so freely given to us.

 I know that more often than not I can't often control what happens, but I can control how I respond to it. These days gratitude and having a sense of humour, is I think my default in life, and it really does help to keep things in perspective whatever else happens or is going on around me, and that doesn't have to dictate my behaviour and I can use discernment.

Nine of Cups - A Desire In My Heart

As my favourite song writer Bruce Cockburn said in his song about good and bad days, "Some days I walk on diamonds, some days I walk stones. "
It made me feel good today to draw this Wish Card, the Nine of Cups, after spending a few days of anxiety and frustration. It's a good reminder to stay calm, and stop projecting or what I call awfulizing, which is such a waste of energy, and makes things worse.

Being grateful, even when if I feel a dryness or poverty in spirit, and simply having a desire in my heart, or a wish to pray, is a prayer.The desire in your heart is what matters, regardless of what you, or someone else are going through. For me praying is hope actualized

It's easy to get myopic, not seeing the forest for the trees, and getting all caught up in our own problems. We all need to help each other in whatever ways we can.When I can pray for others whether I realize it or not, I can often receive more that what I could ever give. I believe prayer is a very powerful too, no matter how you do it, no matter how you define it. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself or for others is pray, and sometimes it's all you can do.

The Hermit - My Default Setting

The Hermit is a great example of how, and where to find a resource for serenity, peace of mind, and inner strength. I had a sleep deprived past four days, late nights with very early mornings and was having some real anxiety about a few things. This is not a good combination and makes me think of the old acronym and tool for self-care, and are often indicators of what is bothering us and why. I heard it many years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for being too hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I could describe myself as being three out of these four states this past week up until today.

I've always had an aversion toward dentists and considering the expense, I just could not afford to go and get my teeth looked after. It was easy to procrastinate, which only complicates matters.. This caused me a lot of negative feelings surrounding my self-esteem and sometimes a low level depression.  I would even have frequent dreams about loosing my teeth, and so it weighed heavily on my mind.

This month I had to finally give in and find the courage within myself to address some serious dental problems and go for an appointment. This circumstance all added to my anxiety and stress. Before my appointment I practiced breathing, positive self-talk, prayer, and talking to a close friend about my dentist aversion, and phobia. I had to draw upon what I'll call my "Inner Hermit" for strength. It paid off, and I got through the ordeal. I admit my nerves were a little frayed afterward, due to the combination of being hungry, lonely, tired and just to top it off, to make my condition complete, I met up with someone I don't much like, who insulted me, and filled that angry space, left in the acronym, by making a tactless comment about my "buck teeth". I laugh about it now, but I could have easily lashed back with a remark reflecting resentment. Resentment is not a luxury I can afford., and what would be the point. I prefer to draw on my inner hermit, which I think has mostly become my default setting.

Tonight I'm 100 % improved. I had a good supper, I reached out to talk to a good friend, and plan on having a restful sleep. Oh, and I'll be flossing and brushing!

Page of Cups - Facing the Gorgon - Unexpected News

Well I got unexpected news today, as the Page of Cups indicates, of a spiritual nature. Not before going into my anxiety panic attack first. This time it was different. I got real quiet, and mindful within myself. Then I said a prayer. These two actions made the difference for me. My prayers were answered immediately, the anxiety left, once I decided to ignore my panic, and did what I had to do. Don't you wish that could happen all the time? I do think it does, for me, but I don't always take note of it in a real conscious way, until later. What happened today was different, and I know I need to nurture this kind of transitional shift within.

This Page speaks about the gentle stirrings, and nurturing self-care. It is the renewal of self-love and having a general interest in the body, the environment, and a focus on emotional pleasure rather than on pain or  painful memories.

I love all the Pages in the Tarot. They are youthful, possessing innocence, and a purity of heart. They always bring a message for us, because they are messengers and capture the essence of transition.

The Page of Cups will eventually become the truly romantic spirit in the form of the Knight of Cups, who makes the world a better place full of vibrancy and colour.. He will go onto slay the Gorgon Medusa, that butt ugly she-monster, with those snakes comin' out of her head.Ugh, she real scary ugly!

Well I didn't slay the Gorgon today but honestly it almost felt that way because I faced my fear, turned it over, and like Vasalisa The Wise with the doll in her pocket, I listened to the still quiet voice that helped me find my way, and I didn't forget to say my prayers.

Anne Lamott may favourite author wrote a great book, Help, Thanks, Wow. She talks about how these three words are her most frequently said prayers. I realized today they have also become mine.
What are your prayers? Do you listen to that still quiet voice?

Vasalisa The Wise-Egg Tempera, 2012 - Catherine Meyers

Five of Wands - Fighting The Dragon

I'm just now getting back on line after being three days without my internet. I feel lost without my computer but I have other issues I have to deal with that cannot be avoided. I think I've had some time well spent over the past three and a half days to do some introspection and taking stock of my present circumstances surrounding what I want and how this matches reality.

The Five of Wands represents struggle. I haven't drawn this card for sometime. It's an appropriate card that describes my struggles as of late. When we are experiencing one difficult event after another, one can have a tendency to think, what in the heck is happening here, and why?

Our creative visions clash with reality, and it can feel like this is all some sort of conspiracy against us. It is not, it is simply life.

I know there is a source of strength I can draw upon the same way Jason draws on Medea's strength and knowledge. She is a close relative to the High Priestess, who embodies the feminine power of intuition and instinct. Medea who gives Jason the vision and courage to fight the battle with the dragon, in order to achieve his goal of acquiring the Golden Fleece.

This card urges us to have persistence and loyalty to a vision, to make compromises, and to fight for what we want. I need to address my struggles with material reality head on. If not, one risks falling into a depressive and apathetic mood which all represents the dragon of inertia..
Fortunately this is not my nature, though I am certainly not immune to depression and feelings of apathy, especially when I procrastinate, and avoid things I should not. The more I ignore these issues the worse the situation gets. The struggle will prove fruitful, if I rally the forces and tools available to me, such as trust, perseverance, and prayer.

Getting Smart With Discernment - Five of Pentacles

This card looks a little ominous and dark as Daedalus is skulking off after having to leave and let go of his material success and position. Most importantly what he has lost, is faith in himself.

He has been left with, is an opportunity to deal with all of his troubles the loss that was self-inflicted, but he can begin again and transformation and real happiness is now possible.

There are several important lessons and messages in this card. It is said for every action there is a reaction, according to Newton's law of motion. Our perception and insight can get obstructed by other things that we  put before our values, and we can loose our way. Then we pay the consequences for our action, leaving us without faith in ourselves or whatever we thought we had gained materially and unhappy.

Discernment is the most essential strength, skill and emotional intelligence I can have, when making decisions in all areas of my life.

How To Take Control of Your Inner Fool - The Fool

The Fool is a lovely card to draw today, considering the pending oncoming Winter, which is not at all my favourite time of year.

 I'm not so sure I want to take control of my inner Fool unless it is controlling impulsiveness and naivety. But then again the Fool would not be, if these characteristics were absent. I am not so impulsive as the Fool, which is directly related to my age I'm sure, but I still love to be spontaneous, optimistic with an open heart, which I think helps to keep your inner Fool alive helps to keep you young at heart and to grow old gracefully.

 The Fool's message to me is one of hope, excitement, having a forward looking attitude with optimism and an open heart, as the Fool is the carefree traveler embarking on the beginning of life's journey. The Fool doesn't know what lies ahead, but has the right attitude, is prepared as much as he can be, with his tools of life, carried in the satchel over his shoulder, and his canine companion following close by his side, or the eagle watching out for him as he begins his journey


Spending a lot of my life by myself, animals have always been my great comfort, and are wonderful companions. So it is fitting that the Fool would have his little dog, as seen in the Rider Waite Smith deck or the eagle, who is closest to the gods, watching over his journey. They are his close and loyal friends.


So the puss cats and I, are ready as we can be for the coming Winter with our life tools. We are beginning to hunker down, sticking closer to home near the fire, grateful for the load of wood in the garage, that will keep Jack Frost at bay. Problem is, like the Fool who is full of potential, but it is not applied as of yet, I am reminded I have to get four cord of wood into my garage before the snow comes!


The tools of life that we carry are so important on our daily walk through life. I have tools of life, but I have to be sure to use them, if they are to work for me. My tools have to be honesty, open mindedness, and a willingness to be at least willing to do the work it takes to live my life to the fullest. Trust, prayer, and  perseverance are also tools I must use in order to guard against and to take control of the negative aspects of my inner Fool.

Nine of Cups - The Wish Card

The Wish Card. Who could wish for more? My wish is for world peace, for an end of poverty, the elimination of disease and to live in a world free from pollution. That's a lot of wishes I know, perhaps too many. This card causes me I think about the previous card I drew yesterday, The Star, the card of hope.

I'm not one to believe in luck, nor am I superstitious. I do believe in hope, and in the power of faith, hope and prayer because this is what tangibly works for me, not wishing for luck.

The Wish Card is about joy, restoration, fulfillment and blessings that come after heartache, struggle and great disappointment.

The Nine of Cups signifies an inner journey of honesty, that we decide to embark upon, a validation of our commitment and loyalty to our feelings, emotional dreams, and our values, regardless of what has gone before, what is happening presently, and what may come to pass. This is hope. Perhaps The Wish Card should be called the Hope Card, and maybe wishes could be prayers.

Five of Wands - Awakened

I haven't been able to get to my blog the past few days. I've been busy battling the dragon like Jason. It felt like the dragon was winning. This card describes exactly what I have being experiencing. But the dragon-fight is with myself. Fighting ourselves can be the worst kind of battle when " the powers of the earth resist change "

I have been experiencing  'regressive inertia'. It has been more than a rut, but a combination of things that have resulted in me avoiding, procrastinating, and resisting reality. All this has collided with my creative energy, but now it's come to an apex and I am ready to accommodate reality and my imagination.

The Feminine energy of the High Priestess helped Jason and I must trust my intuition and my instincts and allow them to help me do the right thing, so I can grow and achieve my goals.

I have heard it said, and have experienced myself, in various situations, using the metaphor, of how the last mile of the race is the hardest, because you are exhausted, feeling overwhelmed, and want to give up. This is were faith, courage, trust, persistence and prayer come in for me. No one said a good life would be easy, but it is worth fighting for. 

King of Swords - Patience

I am feeling very grateful today and the King of Swords affirms and clarifies this for me.
There's been worry lately, and I know it is a useless thing, and it can show a luck of trust, but like all human beings, I can't seem to help myself sometimes. I can feel like Alice trying to find my way through Wonderland having to deal with all those creatures and weird folk.

 I may not actively engage in worry it is as much as I used to, but it lurks there, in the corner of my mind, poking it's head round the corner to stare at me like the Red Queen. Well what are you looking at?! Stop starring I say!

But worry has taken a break and stopped staring for a while. Today I am feeling very hopeful and positive. What comes to my mind is the adage or proverb that says " Good things come to he who waits. "  Or what I heard in the 12 Step rooms of recovery, " Courage is fear that has said it's prayers " - Karl Barth

The King of Swords is a card of leadership, of strength and having the ability to provide good counsel to others, being compassionate and kind.  Unfortunately, many of us can't seem to take care of ourselves for many reasons and this can be very problematic, damaging, and hurtful to the mind, body, and spirit.
 And so we have to take good care of ourselves, the best way we know how. Sometimes this involves swallowing our false pride, being patient, and trusting that the God of our understanding will some how come to our aid. This requires faith and trust, not the easiest thing to do when you are between a rock and a hard place.

The King of Swords is a card of action and intelligence, where reason prevails over emotion. Swords clarify and cut through muddle thought.

Patience is a virtue. We must be especially patient with ourselves, which perhaps may be the most important aspect of being a compassionate, kind and good leader.

Nine of Swords - Worry & Action

Well, this card is in keeping with the card I drew yesterday dark about clouds and silver linings.
The Nine of Swords, it is what I would call the worry card, and is very much the card full of deep psychological meaning.

We are losing sleep for worry, anxiety, fear, corrosive guilt, foreboding about the future, and what ever negative adjectives you want to throw in the pot.

This frame of mind robs of us energy and strength in every aspect, mind, body and soul. We can't enjoy the present, because we are projecting into the future, and worrying about the past. It reflects a lack of trust and faith and our inability to let go of what we can't control.

We can't control what has happened in the past, and it may be hanging over our heads. We can  make amends, if we have hurt someone else, including ourselves.

Action is the antidote to worry. Whether it be through prayer, meditation, a vacation, ending a relationship or changing geographical location to make a fresh start. However, can you run away for things in your head? Ultimately we can't take a geographical cure, because where ever we go we bring ourselves along, and still have to face our problems.

What is important is that we remain steadfast.