Three of Swords - Tarot Readings in Cyber Space

In every suit of threes initial completion is what is represented.  The Three of Swords represents heartache, separation and grief. It's a sorrowful card because of strife, conflict and a painful situation.

This week I spent an afternoon doing a face to face reading. These are always enjoyable and energy expending but energizing at the same time.

I always include the face to face readings with a hard copy emailed reading for my clients future reference, because for those not familiar with Tarot it's a lot of information to take in and it can be like hearing an incomprehensible foreign language to the questioner.

When composing online emailed readings they can be both time consuming, and very rewarding. Then add the combination of computers, WiFi and the Internet this can be very convenient and potentially frustrating. This was very much the case for me this week.

I had the pleasure of doing this sit down reading with my friend, intending to follow up with an email of the reading, other unforeseen and unexpected factors came into play.

After having been called away from home, on what I felt was a bit of a goose chase yesterday and delayed my task by several hours. When I finally returned I set about completing the reading and was ready to send it off into cyber space, when the WiFi, my prehistoric desk top computer and  slow-speed internet connection, all seemed to conspire against me by going on the fritz.

I then decided to use my little Kobo reader to forward the reading, as I can use the internet on this little gadget. Something happened when I hit send on my Kobo, and the reading was gone. Thing was, it wasn't sent, nor was it anywhere to be found in any of my folders. It was simply sucked into the black hole of cyber space.

I proceeded to go into a big heartsick fit. The anxiety and stress I was feeling over this loss felt very palpable, because I had spent a long time carefully interpreting this reading for my friend. Nothing I tried worked, in hopes to retrieve my email. I felt my reading and I where  forever parted, and there was nothing I could do get it back. Of course I wasn't thinking right and was reacting, not responding rationally.

My distress continued to escalate, until I finally managed to get a grip after getting very annoyed at my visceral reaction. At the same time I happened to hear an item on the radio about the British Columbia fires, and how so many had lost everything they owned. Wow I thought, that's real loss. I asked myself, what am I doing getting so bent out of shape over my reading being lost in cyber space?

My really inconsequential loss paled so poignantly to me in comparison, that I was embarrassed by my behaviour and the way I felt and resolved to continue to work on changing this kind of reactionary, very hyper-vigilant behaviour that rears it head now and again, when I let stress get the better of me.

The lesson in this card, is how eventually it's necessary to work out the consequences of our choices over time, and once we do this, we will be relieved and our hearts will be healed.

So calming down I went to bed and knew, I simply would redo the email and send it along, which I did yesterday night, and I was happy and grateful in doing so.

The Star of Hope - How Not to Ruin Your Life

 It's synchronicity that caused me to draw this Major Arcana card, The Star of Hope today. Since I learned of the death of my friend Lillian, I've thought about how death can bring us unexpected inspiration and hope. These are the lessons in the fragility of life, often giving us the deepest sense of meaning that grows out of unhappiness, pain, shame, crisis, depression, and loss.

 Life is full of irony and we can often think that these are unexpected sources of inspiration and personal transformation, but the truth is, they certainly can be. Things aren't always as the appear to be.

 The Star is a card of waiting, which offers hope, urges us to to trust our intuition and to have faith in the midst of difficulties and that there will soon be a dawn.

Life if really about a series of losses, but with loss are also gains, but I believe it depends on our own level of acceptance, grace, and it helps a lot having a really good sense of humour that enables the ability to not take yourself so seriously and can be a powerful healing tool for some.

 J.P Sears has really learned how to do this. Simultaneously he seriously coaches a whole lot of people, helping them to find hope and to understand that pain, shame and broken hearts don't have to ruin our lives.

Listening today to a great program about aging versus ageism, midlife crisis, and transformation I thought the topic this program Out In The Open is aligned with much of the general meaning to be found in The Star.

Five of Cups - Attention - The One Cup Left Standing

"Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.
Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.
If we turn our mind toward the good, it is impossible that little by little the whole soul will not be attracted thereto in spite of itself."

                                                         -Simone Weil

We see here Psyche who is in desperate pursuit of Eros. Their relationship seems to have completely gone off the rails. Psyche has shone the lamp on Eros to reveal what he looked like, after he forbid her to ever do so. However all is not lost. Yes there are four cups knocked over, spilling the contents. However one still remains standing, symbolizing what is left will strengthen and sustain their love for one another, not based on will, but based on attention.

Cups representing emotion, and the Five of Cups being about adversity, loss, regret and bereavement makes this card very poignant in meaning for me today. It's been said , if you don't deal with your emotions, they will deal with you.  But how do we do this?

I've come to an important realization over the past week regarding death, loss and how it's fraught with deep emotion, it effects and how continues to affect me, and knowing what I can and need do about it.

Recently our small rural coastal community lost one of our young people to suicide. It's affected all of us in various ways, and degrees, especially affecting the immediate family and friends.

Our culture doesn't cope well with death, and we keep it at arms length. Most of us have grown up with out the skills of knowing what to do or say to those who are grieving. When we're directly affected by the loss of our loved ones, we're often at a complete loss as to how to cope, experiencing overwhelming fear and trauma resulting in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, especially if we have had more than our share of tragedy and loss in our lives.

After doing some research on line, I've come to the conclusion my responses to death, are a direct result of my own symptoms of PTSD, having experienced so much loss in my life due to the tragic deaths of loved ones mostly caused by disease. I was really mostly unaware of this, until the past week. I knew my reactions were troubling, disconcerting and probably not normal, but I never consciously attributed them to PTSD. I was mostly left with anxiety, fear and guilt.

I'm relieved to know this, as I can now begin to process and really understand my reactions and feelings that I've been experiencing over the years, and do something about it.

Yesterday I went to see the grandparents of this beautiful young person we lost to suicide. They're both my friends and neighbours. I walked to their house. On the way I became acutely aware of the visceral feelings I was having. Panic, anxiety, pounding heart, all underlined by overall feelings of depression. Regardless and in spite of my feelings, I'd paid close attention to what it was I wanted and needed to do to express my deep sorrow for their loss. Though I was wanting to run away and not go, I continued up the road to see them. I'd made muffins, had a poem in hand and a prayer in my heart, for them, and for myself.
  I felt so much better after our visit and my feelings had dispelled. We cried, talked, laughed and shelled beans from their garden. I know we all felt better.


In 1980 I lost my newly wed young husband at the age of 26 to Brittle Diabetes and drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. Bill was two years older than this young person who recently died in our community.

 People might think, that was over thirty years ago when I'd lost my husband, maybe I should be "over" it. It doesn't matter how long it's been. What does matter is how you cope and what other losses happen adding to the complexity of grief and coping skills. My own self-medicating behaviour through the use and abuse of alcohol, only created more confusion and grief. I was lost until I reached out for help and got clean and sober 22 years ago. But just because you've put the cork in the bottle, doesn't mean everything is all better now.



 I remember what a very spiritual man said to me about prayer when Bill died. He talked to me about how prayer is carrying someone in your heart. It's paying attention with faith and love.

 Today I live without the use of alcohol, but cannot live without prayer in my life, both for others and for myself. It's the one cup, left standing, that I paid attention to.

Five of Cups - The Golden Rule

The Five of Cups brings to mind the emotional regret I feel about something that I did or didn't do. It is such waste of energy, especially if I allow guilt to keep me stuck in regret. But as human nature as it is, we'll always have something we regret. The trick is not to dwell on regret and guilt. We can't change the past, but I can learn from the mistake, and move forward with the resolve and a hope to do better.

There is guilt, and then there is shame. Guilt is about making a mistake, shame implies that you are a mistake. Good guilt serves a purpose in that in acts as our conscience. Shame can perhaps serve a purpose in a similar way, but shame becomes bad guilt, if we can't forgive ourselves or others.

In the Five of Cups we see Eros fleeing from Psyche, who has betrayed her promise not to look at him in the dark. She desperately pursues him knowing that seeing him as he is, she has jeopardized their relationship. Psyche is fearful that she have lost Eros forever, and is full of regret, but seemingly to no avail, as Eros is running in the opposite direction and abandoning her. But there is one cup out of the five left standing, which is hope in knowing, that all is not lost.

We are the ones who decide what our boundaries are, the behaviours that we can and can't accept. Some things are real deal breakers in relationships, like abuse. We all have faults, and we all need forgiveness for mistakes made. And so, if we can forgive ourselves, we are more likely to forgive others for their short comings and mistakes, just as we would want to be forgiven. It's simply The Golden Rule. It's really so simple, but many of us find it so difficult.

 Light and love need to be shone on our darkness and character defects, as much as our positive assets.  Perfection is an illusion. No one is perfect, and no one is a mistake.

How Loss and Difficulty Can Inspire You To Change - Five of Pentacles

 Having a financial or material loss can effect your self-confidence, and the faith you have in yourself. Often those who have fallen on hard times, are often blamed for their own misfortune. We may also blame ourselves or someone else for difficulties and loss.

We live in a world that judges others by what they have, or do not have, by what they have done or what they have not done. It is easy to sit in judgement of another, but it is neither fair nor helpful regardless of the situation. Of course we have a right to our own opinion, but it doesn't mean we are in a position to judge without mercy.

 Not many would be have empathy for Daedalus, who has had to forfeit his success, and lost his position because of his unscrupulous character, but he has murdered his own nephew out of jealousy, in order to hang on to his status. Daedalus has been forced to let go, and has hit rock bottom, which will hopefully result in some kind of inner transformation.

Definitely an act of murderous treachery and betrayal and would be punishable by death in another time and place.
I believe retribution, and vengeance are not mine and I am grateful that the God of my understanding, is a God of mercy.

The Five of Pentacles message is a warning to not get caught up in the trap of superficial material gain to define our self-worth, as we are are sure to experience loss and difficulty. We will hit bottom sooner or later, especially if we don't develop a solid inner center within ourselves, where higher ideals are reflected  and manifested in our character.

Anton Bastrykin- Angel of Mercy

What To Do With Nostalgia - Six of Cups

Sitting on a rock, where she first met Eros, and surrounded by the calm sea, Psyche holds the golden cup, which she pensively stares into. In her other hand, she holds her wilting bridle bouquet. She has been abandoned by her husband Eros, and left with nothing, but nostalgic memories. However, not all things are as they appear to be, and this is not an unhappy card.

To be able to learn something about yourself through loss, can be a very positive experience. It can bring peace of mind, a sense of harmony, and contentment. A new found strength through our loss brings serenity, and after the storm comes the calm.

If we can take a realistic inventory of our past, this can transform our future through what we have lost, and gained from our experience. Learning from these lessons is essential, otherwise we may be repeat the same mistakes, which will lead to a state of confusion and chaos.

Living in and longing nostalgically for the past, is a useless exercise. Acceptance and gratitude are always the key to having a happy life in the present.

Six of Cups - Nostaligia

The Six of Cups may look like a card of unhappiness but it is not, it is a card of nostalgia. Psyche, sitting on the rock mid the calm sea, has learned much about herself, and not simply in spite of loss, but perhaps because of it and there is harmony.

Feeling nostalgia is very different than feeling regret, and living in the past, which is pointless, regardless of how wonderful or painful it once was, or how we perceive it to have been. We cannot change the past, unless we have done some thing to hurt another, including ourselves, we can make amends and try to make things right. Forgiving ourselves for the part we have played in our loss and hurt, is often the most difficult part, especially if we do not kindly care about ourselves, the way we might be toward others.

I have learned the hard lesson, that there is nothing that will drive us more crazy, than trying to get something from someone who cannot, or will not give us what we want, or need, including ourselves. Acceptance is the key. This does not mean accepting unacceptable behaviour, or being a doormat, allowing ourselves to be stepped on, or used.

 Once when we grasp and come to the point of acceptance, will we find peace and serenity. Only then will we be able to move on and achieve our goals, no matter how big or small.

Our memory makes up a big part of what defines who we are, and so, we don't want to forget. As we age, we often reminisce, and can get lost in nostalgic thought about those good old days, that perhaps weren't as good as we recall, but not necessarily all being negative either. Our perception and perspective is all relative and important. I find it fascinating how in families, sibling's recollection of the same experience can be entirely different, and occasionally can lead to argument and even divisiveness. One sibling will see great hurt and loss in the family, another will see the exact opposite, as if they'd grown up in different households and families.

This day is what makes up the good old days, and like Psyche where she first encountered Eros, we contemplate that cup of emotion we hold, connected to relationship, friendship and romance, and we long for days and loves gone by. We are more likely to learn and find happiness in looking back, if we do not stare, regret, nor shut the door on the past.

If we embrace, appreciate and are grateful for our present, we can move forward with hope, for a future that will be easier, and happier. We can weather the rough seas of life and loss, finding calm in the eye of the storm, and know tranquility, peace, serenity and freedom.

Five of Pentacles - Loss

Daedalus is skulking away from his hideout. He has done a terrible thing. Symbolizing the inability to accept the loss of material wealth, social position, and the loss of faith in oneself. This card represents the need to come out of the dark and to not continue to hide from others or from ourselves.

Being so focused on our own problems, can cause us to not be able to see the forest for the trees.  Our sight is obscured, even blinded. We walk alone out of the darkness, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The brightness of the moon lights the way.
Material things and a sense of self may be lost, but there are spiritual riches to be gained along the road. There is always hope, and many gifts of the spirit.

 I have heard it said, that the Five of Pentacles is the worst card in the deck, but I don't think there is any particular card that is the worst, nor necessarily the best. The cards are the cards. What is important is that we pay attention, and what we decide to do when presented with the message they give us.

 Yes, this card could indicate mistakes made, and opportunities missed. But we can not focus on the negative, or we will not be able to move forward. Regretting the past, and projecting into the future is a useless endevour. We need to focus on the present, forgive ourselves, improve our attitude and circumstance. We can not allow false pride to stop us from asking for help either. These proactive behaviours will free us from the burden of our loss.

Often the person who is the most difficult to forgive, is ourselves.

Queen of Swords - Idealism

Today's card from the Minor Arcana, the Queen of Swords is a strong independent woman. In the Mythic Tarot the Queen is Atalanta who was abandoned but her father who was disappointed that he had no male heir. He left her on a hill, but she was rescued and nursed by a bear, sent by the moon-goddess Artemis- Hecate.

Crescent Moon Bear - Catherine Meyers

The Queen appears aloof and cool, but don't be fooled, she has a soft underbelly after experiencing  great losses, and many difficulties in her life. This Queen is very familiar with hard times and suffering, but continues to thrive, not just in spite of them, but because of these burdens she has had to bare, this has given her an inner strength.
She has a vehement sense of justice, and benevolently upholds and champions the rights of others, perhaps as a result of her own loss and brokenness.

 Quick witted with a sharp tongue, she can cut to the quick, being very intelligent and passionate about her high ideals. Not willing to settle in love she can cut her nose off to spite her face because of this idealism, which in the extreme, is an expectation of perfectionism in others; an expectation that was placed upon herself as well at a young age.

The Queen is a woman possessing a strong sense of integrity and pride, but she is also lonely, and isolated as a result of these high ideals. She may be unconscious of her perfectionist expectations, however it does have a positive aspect, in that others are inspired by her, to improve upon themselves.

Being too idealistic prevents us from ever measuring up to a perfectionist ideal. It does not exist in reality, and is an image. This state occurs because this individual is fearful of being human, and leaves us vulnerable to being hurt.

Many of us have been hurt in early life or in the past, which manifests into our adult life, especially if we lack self-awareness, and choose not seek help to resolve these issues. Serious problems arise in our relationships with others, as a result of clinging to an unmovable faith in high ideals, leading to an addiction perfectionism.