Five of Wands - Friends Help You Fight the Dragon

 Fightin' the dragon are the words that immediately come to my mind after drawing the Five of Wands this morning.

 I thank God I know I don't have to fight that dragon alone, unless I choose to do so or for what ever reasons I just can't seem to reach out and ask for help. For me, this is false pride, but that doesn't mean there aren't those of us at some point that don't seem to be able to reach out. This can have dire and tragic consequences. So what do we do?

  I have to be very cognoscente of those that need a friend who might need a hand up. I must not only ask, but simply offer as well, to be a friend that listens over coffee, and who offers a helping hand in some way or another, to a friend or to someone we don't know..

 For most of us, asking for help is one of the most difficult things to manage to do, regardless of our situation, for a myriad of reasons. Familial patterns are often entrenched in our personalities, and it's difficult to break those patterns and change unhealthy behaviours. Perhaps we've learned these behaviours from our parents to keep that stiff upper lip or we've learned that often unspoken message from society, to just suck it up, move on, because no one wants to hear about our problems.  And sometimes we just think it's easier to be in denial, but it's not, because denying reality only compounds the existing adversity, effects not only ourselves but the others  who are around us.

The Five of Wands reminds me to keep reaching out, when I feel like giving up. I need to ask for help or to offer help to another. I especially need to remember to value real friendship and to know that friends are no different than me in our shared humanity, and that 'strangers' are just friends I haven't met yet.



The Qualities of Real Friendship

- Excerpt from the Huffington Post


1. They push us to be more accepting of ourselves.

2. They call us out when we're wrong.

3. They're present.

4. They really listen.

5. They support us through adversity.

6. They keep our stress in check.

7. They keep us humble.

8. They have our backs when life gets tricky.

9. They make friendship a priority.

10. They practice forgiveness.

11. They make us want to be better people.

Five of Cups - Attention - The One Cup Left Standing

"Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.
Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.
If we turn our mind toward the good, it is impossible that little by little the whole soul will not be attracted thereto in spite of itself."

                                                         -Simone Weil

We see here Psyche who is in desperate pursuit of Eros. Their relationship seems to have completely gone off the rails. Psyche has shone the lamp on Eros to reveal what he looked like, after he forbid her to ever do so. However all is not lost. Yes there are four cups knocked over, spilling the contents. However one still remains standing, symbolizing what is left will strengthen and sustain their love for one another, not based on will, but based on attention.

Cups representing emotion, and the Five of Cups being about adversity, loss, regret and bereavement makes this card very poignant in meaning for me today. It's been said , if you don't deal with your emotions, they will deal with you.  But how do we do this?

I've come to an important realization over the past week regarding death, loss and how it's fraught with deep emotion, it effects and how continues to affect me, and knowing what I can and need do about it.

Recently our small rural coastal community lost one of our young people to suicide. It's affected all of us in various ways, and degrees, especially affecting the immediate family and friends.

Our culture doesn't cope well with death, and we keep it at arms length. Most of us have grown up with out the skills of knowing what to do or say to those who are grieving. When we're directly affected by the loss of our loved ones, we're often at a complete loss as to how to cope, experiencing overwhelming fear and trauma resulting in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, especially if we have had more than our share of tragedy and loss in our lives.

After doing some research on line, I've come to the conclusion my responses to death, are a direct result of my own symptoms of PTSD, having experienced so much loss in my life due to the tragic deaths of loved ones mostly caused by disease. I was really mostly unaware of this, until the past week. I knew my reactions were troubling, disconcerting and probably not normal, but I never consciously attributed them to PTSD. I was mostly left with anxiety, fear and guilt.

I'm relieved to know this, as I can now begin to process and really understand my reactions and feelings that I've been experiencing over the years, and do something about it.

Yesterday I went to see the grandparents of this beautiful young person we lost to suicide. They're both my friends and neighbours. I walked to their house. On the way I became acutely aware of the visceral feelings I was having. Panic, anxiety, pounding heart, all underlined by overall feelings of depression. Regardless and in spite of my feelings, I'd paid close attention to what it was I wanted and needed to do to express my deep sorrow for their loss. Though I was wanting to run away and not go, I continued up the road to see them. I'd made muffins, had a poem in hand and a prayer in my heart, for them, and for myself.
  I felt so much better after our visit and my feelings had dispelled. We cried, talked, laughed and shelled beans from their garden. I know we all felt better.


In 1980 I lost my newly wed young husband at the age of 26 to Brittle Diabetes and drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. Bill was two years older than this young person who recently died in our community.

 People might think, that was over thirty years ago when I'd lost my husband, maybe I should be "over" it. It doesn't matter how long it's been. What does matter is how you cope and what other losses happen adding to the complexity of grief and coping skills. My own self-medicating behaviour through the use and abuse of alcohol, only created more confusion and grief. I was lost until I reached out for help and got clean and sober 22 years ago. But just because you've put the cork in the bottle, doesn't mean everything is all better now.



 I remember what a very spiritual man said to me about prayer when Bill died. He talked to me about how prayer is carrying someone in your heart. It's paying attention with faith and love.

 Today I live without the use of alcohol, but cannot live without prayer in my life, both for others and for myself. It's the one cup, left standing, that I paid attention to.

Five of Cups - The Golden Rule

The Five of Cups brings to mind the emotional regret I feel about something that I did or didn't do. It is such waste of energy, especially if I allow guilt to keep me stuck in regret. But as human nature as it is, we'll always have something we regret. The trick is not to dwell on regret and guilt. We can't change the past, but I can learn from the mistake, and move forward with the resolve and a hope to do better.

There is guilt, and then there is shame. Guilt is about making a mistake, shame implies that you are a mistake. Good guilt serves a purpose in that in acts as our conscience. Shame can perhaps serve a purpose in a similar way, but shame becomes bad guilt, if we can't forgive ourselves or others.

In the Five of Cups we see Eros fleeing from Psyche, who has betrayed her promise not to look at him in the dark. She desperately pursues him knowing that seeing him as he is, she has jeopardized their relationship. Psyche is fearful that she have lost Eros forever, and is full of regret, but seemingly to no avail, as Eros is running in the opposite direction and abandoning her. But there is one cup out of the five left standing, which is hope in knowing, that all is not lost.

We are the ones who decide what our boundaries are, the behaviours that we can and can't accept. Some things are real deal breakers in relationships, like abuse. We all have faults, and we all need forgiveness for mistakes made. And so, if we can forgive ourselves, we are more likely to forgive others for their short comings and mistakes, just as we would want to be forgiven. It's simply The Golden Rule. It's really so simple, but many of us find it so difficult.

 Light and love need to be shone on our darkness and character defects, as much as our positive assets.  Perfection is an illusion. No one is perfect, and no one is a mistake.

Two of Swords - An Open Heart

The Two of Swords represents a delicate balance between opposing forces, which can potentially be destructive, but there is a resolution if one can face reality, and not spend energy in preserving the status-quo keeping up appearances, constantly controlling our emotions. This will wear you out, and you will be neither happy, nor unhappy. There will be no growth or movement forward. It is will be a stalemate.

The message of the Two of Swords is, keep your heart open, and this will give peace and wholeness deep within your being.

I have often heard it said, if you do not deal with your emotions they will deal with you.
It was once explained to me, by a spiritual mentor, that stuffing our feelings is like a bed spring that has popped up through a mattress. You step on the spring to press it back down, and then another spring pops up. This continues until you run out of limbs to keep the springs down, and they are popping up everywhere.

Suppressing our emotion, and not facing the truth, over a long period of time, can lead to a very unhealthy emotional state of mind, creating confusion and grief, to ourselves and often to those around us.
 Initially we are aware that we are suppressing our emotion but after years of doing so, we end up with repressed feelings, that we don't even know we are carrying them around, buried deep within in our psyche. This state can lead to mental and emotional breakdowns, leaving our lives completely unraveled. There can be much good that comes out of adversity, but a destructive situation can be prevented if you deal and accept your feelings. It's good to unhook from the merry-go-round of work, and from the storms of life. Taking ourselves to a quiet, peaceful environment, that will provide serenity  so we can reflect, and do nothing but sit by a stream or on the banks of a river, so we can listen, to that still quit voice, and to begin to open our heart.