Five of Cups - Attention - The One Cup Left Standing

"Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.
Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.
If we turn our mind toward the good, it is impossible that little by little the whole soul will not be attracted thereto in spite of itself."

                                                         -Simone Weil

We see here Psyche who is in desperate pursuit of Eros. Their relationship seems to have completely gone off the rails. Psyche has shone the lamp on Eros to reveal what he looked like, after he forbid her to ever do so. However all is not lost. Yes there are four cups knocked over, spilling the contents. However one still remains standing, symbolizing what is left will strengthen and sustain their love for one another, not based on will, but based on attention.

Cups representing emotion, and the Five of Cups being about adversity, loss, regret and bereavement makes this card very poignant in meaning for me today. It's been said , if you don't deal with your emotions, they will deal with you.  But how do we do this?

I've come to an important realization over the past week regarding death, loss and how it's fraught with deep emotion, it effects and how continues to affect me, and knowing what I can and need do about it.

Recently our small rural coastal community lost one of our young people to suicide. It's affected all of us in various ways, and degrees, especially affecting the immediate family and friends.

Our culture doesn't cope well with death, and we keep it at arms length. Most of us have grown up with out the skills of knowing what to do or say to those who are grieving. When we're directly affected by the loss of our loved ones, we're often at a complete loss as to how to cope, experiencing overwhelming fear and trauma resulting in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, especially if we have had more than our share of tragedy and loss in our lives.

After doing some research on line, I've come to the conclusion my responses to death, are a direct result of my own symptoms of PTSD, having experienced so much loss in my life due to the tragic deaths of loved ones mostly caused by disease. I was really mostly unaware of this, until the past week. I knew my reactions were troubling, disconcerting and probably not normal, but I never consciously attributed them to PTSD. I was mostly left with anxiety, fear and guilt.

I'm relieved to know this, as I can now begin to process and really understand my reactions and feelings that I've been experiencing over the years, and do something about it.

Yesterday I went to see the grandparents of this beautiful young person we lost to suicide. They're both my friends and neighbours. I walked to their house. On the way I became acutely aware of the visceral feelings I was having. Panic, anxiety, pounding heart, all underlined by overall feelings of depression. Regardless and in spite of my feelings, I'd paid close attention to what it was I wanted and needed to do to express my deep sorrow for their loss. Though I was wanting to run away and not go, I continued up the road to see them. I'd made muffins, had a poem in hand and a prayer in my heart, for them, and for myself.
  I felt so much better after our visit and my feelings had dispelled. We cried, talked, laughed and shelled beans from their garden. I know we all felt better.


In 1980 I lost my newly wed young husband at the age of 26 to Brittle Diabetes and drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. Bill was two years older than this young person who recently died in our community.

 People might think, that was over thirty years ago when I'd lost my husband, maybe I should be "over" it. It doesn't matter how long it's been. What does matter is how you cope and what other losses happen adding to the complexity of grief and coping skills. My own self-medicating behaviour through the use and abuse of alcohol, only created more confusion and grief. I was lost until I reached out for help and got clean and sober 22 years ago. But just because you've put the cork in the bottle, doesn't mean everything is all better now.



 I remember what a very spiritual man said to me about prayer when Bill died. He talked to me about how prayer is carrying someone in your heart. It's paying attention with faith and love.

 Today I live without the use of alcohol, but cannot live without prayer in my life, both for others and for myself. It's the one cup, left standing, that I paid attention to.

Five of Cups - The Golden Rule

The Five of Cups brings to mind the emotional regret I feel about something that I did or didn't do. It is such waste of energy, especially if I allow guilt to keep me stuck in regret. But as human nature as it is, we'll always have something we regret. The trick is not to dwell on regret and guilt. We can't change the past, but I can learn from the mistake, and move forward with the resolve and a hope to do better.

There is guilt, and then there is shame. Guilt is about making a mistake, shame implies that you are a mistake. Good guilt serves a purpose in that in acts as our conscience. Shame can perhaps serve a purpose in a similar way, but shame becomes bad guilt, if we can't forgive ourselves or others.

In the Five of Cups we see Eros fleeing from Psyche, who has betrayed her promise not to look at him in the dark. She desperately pursues him knowing that seeing him as he is, she has jeopardized their relationship. Psyche is fearful that she have lost Eros forever, and is full of regret, but seemingly to no avail, as Eros is running in the opposite direction and abandoning her. But there is one cup out of the five left standing, which is hope in knowing, that all is not lost.

We are the ones who decide what our boundaries are, the behaviours that we can and can't accept. Some things are real deal breakers in relationships, like abuse. We all have faults, and we all need forgiveness for mistakes made. And so, if we can forgive ourselves, we are more likely to forgive others for their short comings and mistakes, just as we would want to be forgiven. It's simply The Golden Rule. It's really so simple, but many of us find it so difficult.

 Light and love need to be shone on our darkness and character defects, as much as our positive assets.  Perfection is an illusion. No one is perfect, and no one is a mistake.

Five of Cups - Are You Alone?

There she goes, running desperately behind Eros, after having shone the light of the lamp upon on him while he lay sleeping. Eros awoke and fled once his identity was revealed. It had been forbidden to do this, as there was an unspoken agreement to simply remain in love with an image of love.

Psyche has now lost her love, is left alone after this betrayal, causing her great regret and remorse. However all is not lost and there still is something that remains. This can be creatively worked on, being a challenge and commitment to the future.

Many of us like Psyche desperately pursue what it is we think we want and the more we pursue the more elusive it becomes and the farther away it escapes our grasp. We are left alone, and left to our own devices.

Yesterday I drew the card Nine of Pentacles, examining the call of the soul, or returning to ourselves, and resting in a intended solitude. The Five of Cups goes deeper into what it really means to be alone, how our emotion and intuition comes into play.

Originally the meaning of alone, consisted of two words, all one, which meant to be wholly one,  related to intentional solitude. In ancient days solitude or the all one state once was palliative, preventative, and a way of listening to the inner self, and used as an oracle, a way to call up the soul, take a personal inventory and assessment our lives. It is the way we draw our soul strength.

 In other words having a sense of unity and wholeness within ourselves, that truly understands, we are never truly alone. We have an innate need as human beings to feel a communion with the goodness of the universe. We live in the world, but are not of this world, and are simply pilgrims passing through.

 We need to wear the world as a loose garment. Our sense of self, emotional stability, and happiness is not dependent on something, someone, or some place outside of ourselves. If we deem people, places and things to dictate or control our happiness we will find ourselves unhappy..

Psyche represents the soul. It is what the word means, soul. The soul implicitly points to how vital it is to understand how we are souls clothed in physical bodies. We are human beings of course, but first and foremost we a spiritual beings deeply connected to a power greater than ourselves. 

Five of Cups - "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"

Psyche is beside herself, full of sadness. She is desperate and consumed with fear, after breaking her promise to her husband. All the cups have tipped over spilling onto the floor, but there is one cup left standing and there is the light of the moon that guides the way and points to a better way.

Full of regret and remorse over her past actions, reality has now come crashing in, but she is left with something to work toward, if she chooses to take up the challenge now presented. She can decide to make the commitment to a brighter future.

Many years ago, I asked a wise woman the question that is similarly posed in Harold Kushner's book When Bad Things Happen To Good People; why it seems to go, that so many really good people have more than there share of tragedy, and others don't seem have much difficulty in life at all, and behaving very badly. In retrospect,  I don't think life is pain free for anyone, even though from a distance it may appear that certain folks live a charmed, and lucky life


My wise friend, who had been through so much in her life, shared with me, that when people struggle with burdensome problems, and when tragic events happen, it can make them compassionate souls, who have a depth of character, that might be lacking in those who have not experienced difficult events or loss. I think this can be true. I would add that with these events comes knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Otherwise there is a naivety and perhaps a lack of compassion, understanding and knowledge. It is hard to relate to another if you haven't had a similar experience.

When I am going through some kind of painful circumstance what comforts me is knowing I am not alone, even though it may feel this way, there is always another in the world who has gone through a similar thing, or worse, and if they can share what has happened to them with someone else who is suffering in some way, and shares how they coped, it really helps a lot.

In the end we all have to decide what we need and want to do, in order to cope with these problematic experiences and situations. We decide whether to embrace, resist or run away. Ultimately we can't escape reality without doing some kind of damage to ourselves and or hurting others, especially those we love.

It is tempting to say to ourselves "if only". This results in staying stuck in regret, perhaps remorse, and self-pity. We will never find contentment, happiness or move forward if we choose to stay in the problem. We are only guaranteed to repeat the same mistakes again.  At some point we just have to let go, and take a leap of faith, and have courage.

All Is Not Lost - Five of Cups

The Five of Cups speaks about regret, and remorse over severed relationships or an unfulfilled dream. We all at one time or another live with regret, saying to ourselves "If only..."

We don't need to focus only on what is spilled. There is still one cup that remains, and it is upright, so all is not lost! There is always hope!

We can't hold onto regrets, because it is living in the past, and this robs us of today's happiness.

There is nothing we can do about what has happened in the past, other than makes amends, if we need to, and ask for forgiveness. We also can make the effort to not repeat the same behaviour, or make the same mistakes.

Usually people will forgive if we are honest, and have a sincere heart. We forgive others that have hurt us, for ourselves, not for them, so we are not carrying around resentment, and bitterness, that eats you up inside, where a bitter root grows, with bitter tendrils like vines that invade, and enter every aspect of our lives.

 The hardest thing is to forgive ourselves, this has always been my experience. Accepting and acknowledging that we have done wrong to the person we have hurt, including ourselves, enables us to move forward, to make a new start, and strengthen our relationship with ourselves, with others, and with the God of our understanding.

Five of Cups - When Bad Things Happen

Here in the Five of Cups we see Psyche in full pursuit of Eros. Her joy has turned sour, she is feeling great loss, and even resentment over unfulfilled dreams and her severed relationship with Eros. This Minor Arcana card that I drew today, is about when bad things happen to good people and how we deal with these events. We can choose to withdraw when circumstances beyond our control manifest in negative, or even destructive ways. When we see the glass half empty, or isolate in fear with cynical contempt toward others or toward life in general, in order to protect ourselves from getting hurt, it is not realistic, how to live a happy fulfilled life.

Things can happen directly to us or to others, and can have a profound affect on our lives. I am no different and have had many difficulties and heartaches that have changed me, and my life.

 I once asked an elder wise woman who had several hardships, why bad things happen, and why it seems some folks have more of their share of hardship, heartache and loss.

She shared with me, that when these events happen to us we become different people. We have the opportunity to be more compassionate toward others, and we can help them to overcome the burdens they suffer. We can become stronger individuals from the struggles we endure. Those who have not had this experience can often lack understanding and compassion, or often do not have the same depth of character. When my friend shared her thoughts, it made a lot of sense to me, and my experience had found this to be true. I saw things differently from this point on.

What happens to us in life of course, and how we respond, I must say, depends on our own attitude, our philosophy, and how we actualize this in our daily life. Remorse over unfulfilled dreams or regret, is simply living in the past. Acceptance of our circumstances and appreciation of life, and all that it has to offer makes the difference.

 If of course we have overwhelming feelings and thoughts, that are affecting our mental health, beyond our control, we have to find and seek help, and those around us hopefully, will help us, to help ourselves. We can not say to people, I know things are difficult, but just  be positive and things will improve, like Pollyanna. It is just not that simple for so many of us.

I cannot help but think of the association Glenn Close helped to initiate called, BringChange2mind or Robin Williams and how he suffered silently with a smile on his face, making others laugh like none other on earth.

 I can't say that we can  prevent another from depression, addiction and any other circumstance or malady. However we cannot stick our heads in the sand, in denial, pretending that is does not exist, or that someone does not need our support, help, acceptance and most of all our love.

Bad things do happen to us, but so do good things, and they are worth fighting for in life.

Five of Cups - The Cloud Of Unknowing

I believe the old adage about there being a silver lining behind every dark cloud. This is often very difficult to comprehend when you are in the middle of the dark cloud. When I think of this dark cloud, I reflect on a book I once read, The Cloud of Unknowing.

 In the Five of Cups we see Psyche ( Soul ) pursuing Eros ( Love ), whom she has betrayed and she is full of regret. All the cups have been spilled, and upset, but the fifth cup. Cups symbolizing the emotion, this card can represent a past relationship, and the regret we have about it, but we must accept that it was necessary, and we have much to learn from this experience, although painful.

 Reality levels the playing field, and in order to deepen our relationships, we must let go of our preconceived notions, and unrealistic expectations, and can not remain in a fantasy, or continue to believe and perpetuate an image, as this is an illusion that does not exist.

What remains is the last cup, and we have something left to work with, now based on realistic expectation,  trusting our heart and intuition. It does not mean that this is the end, or the final outcome. If we decide to commit to the work required to improve our situation, and circumstance, there is still a lot that can be salvaged, and something that can be greatly improved upon, and this will deepen the relationship. It is in letting go that we come to know the truth.

Cloud of Unknowing - johnbowmanart.com

Five of Cups - All Is Not Lost!

This card, the Five of Cups can represent some of the most difficult obstacles in our personal life, particularly in regards to our relationships, that are tested over time, and there are often regrets over past actions relating to betrayal. Not intentional betrayal of another necessarily, but toward one's self, and being honest.

It feels like we have lost absolutely everything we love, dreams have been unfulfilled, our hearts are completely broken, and we wear the cloak of mourning, as if there has been a death.
We say to ourselves " If only..."

The Five of Cups can look like a very bleak card, full of despair. Psyche who has betrayed Eros, desperately runs after her. The four cups are spilled on to the floor, but the fifth cup remains full and standing. But Psyche takes no notice. The full cup represents, all is not lost, if we take up the challenge and commit to making a brighter future.

Depending on our attitude towards our circumstances, struggles and difficulties we find ourselves in at present, it can feel impossible to see the lessons, to be gleaned from the situation. We can become myopic, and can't see the forest for the trees. We may find ourselves in denial about what has happened, getting caught up in our sadness, and trouble hearts. We don't see what there is to be grateful for, and there is to be learned. The cup isn't half full, it is full.

We can rise from the ashes as a stronger individual, having an attitude of gratitude. This make all the difference in our happiness.

Loss, tragedy, and heartbreak can give us insight, and even epiphanies. These can give us experience, strength and hope, that we can share with to others. Solutions hide in our obstacles. This has truly been my own experience.

Today all too frequently, people are either rushing into relationships or trying to get out by running away. We often don't slow down, and reflect on our lives long enough, to take an inventory of ourselves, to figure out what it is we really want, or need. Too often we want what we can't have, or don't want what we have, and then wonder why happiness seems to elude us, instead of appreciating and accepting, what we do have. Certainly if I am not happy within myself, we will never be happy with another, regardless of my circumstance.

We all experience loss in our lives. Some people experience more than their fair share of loss, but they are able to overcome, and they inspire others through their example, turning their weakness into strength.