Nine of Cups - I Wish...I Hope

Today after spending a restless night, I intentionally sought out some kind of message of comfort, from whatever card I drew this morning, because I've been feeling so sad. It's been a difficult couple of months emotionally with the loss of a long time friend and another dear friend, now in palliative care.

Considering this card, the Nine of Cups it is the best one I could draw, as it's the wish card, representing fruition, comfort and satisfaction.

The truth is, we can make wishes all we want but it doesn't change reality regardless of what is happening in our lives and in the lives of those we love so much. So I don't spend my time wishing. Of course I wish things were different, but they're not and there's nothing else I can do but find a place of acceptance, and forgiveness and instead of wishes, I hope and pray for acceptance of situations that I struggle very much with, because they're so unacceptable. I know I have to let go and trust that the God of my understanding will do what I can't do myself, in order to find the way.

King of Cups - The Ideal Father

The King of Cups is a card of emotional balance. Something that's often hard to find within ourselves.
John Bradshaw once said that 95% of the population is dysfunctional and co-dependent in some way, and the other 5% are in denial.

I remember back in the 80s when I first heard about ACOA Adult Children of Alcoholics and the given description of the behavioral personality characteristics displayed by those who grow up in alcoholic homes. It very accurately described me to a tee and that was just the beginning of my own personal recovery journey.

 I was relieved to learn why it was I'd felt so emotionally imbalanced all my life, and to know I wasn't alone in what I thought was my weirdness. It has hard for me to remember there ever being a time I didn't feel this way, that I didn't belong or that happiness was for everybody else, but it eluded me.

What an incredible relief it was to finally begin to understand why I behaved the way I did, to appreciate, accept and eventually come to love the person I am.

The King of Cups embodies the mythic figure Orpheus the singer. He represents for me the kind of father that most of us envision as being ideal.. He is both priest and healer who seeks to form relationships with others and yet his relationship with himself is lacking in that he doesn't seem to know how to make himself happy. The King of Cups is the image of the Wounded Healer and he is far from perfect.


None of us grow up with an ideal father though it is often easy for us to put them on a pedestal and see them  as perfect, even in the face of abuse, neglect or abandonment in some way.

Forgiveness and acceptance of our fathers as they truly are, comes when we do this not for them, but for ourselves. Then we can begin to love them not in spite of who they are, but because of who they are.

Five of Pentacles - Mercy

Daedalus is seen here having to let go, leaving his past success and acclaim behind, as he's lost all his wealth, experiencing poverty, insecurity, and he's full of worry over his adversity. More profoundly he's lost his self-respect, having confused his self-worth with material security, causing him to loose his sense of direction and faith in himself.

When we edify material success, whether it be in the form of people, places or things, there is a price paid. Ultimately we  must take responsibility for the part we've played in becoming our own worst enemy, like Daedalus has become.

However personal transformation is always possible, the kind that goes soul deep.
 Making a conscious choice to be kind toward ourselves and to forgive whatever it is that we have done, or how others have wronged us,  forgiveness can make the difference between starting over and redefining what it means to be successful and bring us to wholeness once again.

As Anne Lemott states is her new book, Hallelujah Anyway Rediscovering Mercy, " The way to feel whole is through mercy." 

 We harden ourselves in many ways to life Anne Lemott says. By practicing forgiveness and kindness we can soften that hardness. Denying others forgiveness and kindness, we deny ourselves, and visa versa.
In order for kindness and forgiveness to prevail, there will be no cruelty, but only mercy.

Seven of Swords - Faith

I think this card is one of the darkest in the Mythic Tarot Deck, an always give me a feeling of foreboding. Faith, betrayal, and deception are represented in the Seven of Swords as Orestes scaulks away under the hooded veil of darkness, by the light of the crescent moon. He is unsure and ambivalent about what he is doing.

In life we all come to some kind of a cross roads. Lacking faith and what Orestes is contemplating doing, as a means to an end, is a highly questionable goal, and amorality is not the best choice, because it's really like sitting on the fence, which reminds me of this quote.

 “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”― Edmund Burke


Knowing what Orestes is about to do, makes me wish someone would step in and stop him from making the worst mistake of his life. It is good to know that eventually Athene will come to his defense, later in the Ten of Swords, in spite of what he does, and that there is someone who cares enough to know that even Orestes needs forgiveness.

Having faith in myself, in others and in the God of my understanding is paramount if I'm to avoid betrayal and deception, something we are all capable of doing. It's especially easy to betray and deceive myself with dishonesty and not caring for myself. If I'm honest and loyal to myself, in all likelihood, I will be the same toward others.

Lack of faith is what I see as a cause of so many problems within the world, between human beings, and our relationship to all living things. Our earth is suffering because of our lack of faith, and this is reflected all around us, leaving us very short sighted.

 I am only one person, but my own, personal, individual power through faith should not be underestimated as a way to change myself and my world.

Five of Cups - The Golden Rule

The Five of Cups brings to mind the emotional regret I feel about something that I did or didn't do. It is such waste of energy, especially if I allow guilt to keep me stuck in regret. But as human nature as it is, we'll always have something we regret. The trick is not to dwell on regret and guilt. We can't change the past, but I can learn from the mistake, and move forward with the resolve and a hope to do better.

There is guilt, and then there is shame. Guilt is about making a mistake, shame implies that you are a mistake. Good guilt serves a purpose in that in acts as our conscience. Shame can perhaps serve a purpose in a similar way, but shame becomes bad guilt, if we can't forgive ourselves or others.

In the Five of Cups we see Eros fleeing from Psyche, who has betrayed her promise not to look at him in the dark. She desperately pursues him knowing that seeing him as he is, she has jeopardized their relationship. Psyche is fearful that she have lost Eros forever, and is full of regret, but seemingly to no avail, as Eros is running in the opposite direction and abandoning her. But there is one cup out of the five left standing, which is hope in knowing, that all is not lost.

We are the ones who decide what our boundaries are, the behaviours that we can and can't accept. Some things are real deal breakers in relationships, like abuse. We all have faults, and we all need forgiveness for mistakes made. And so, if we can forgive ourselves, we are more likely to forgive others for their short comings and mistakes, just as we would want to be forgiven. It's simply The Golden Rule. It's really so simple, but many of us find it so difficult.

 Light and love need to be shone on our darkness and character defects, as much as our positive assets.  Perfection is an illusion. No one is perfect, and no one is a mistake.

Three of Wands - You're Not Finished Yet

The Three of Wands is a card of completion. Today for me it is a card of forgiveness in the form of patience and compassion, toward others and ourselves.

 Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do when people do you wrong. I know I need to be willing to make amends, and to have forgiveness toward others, but perhaps the hardest thing, is to have forgiveness toward myself.

Here we see Jason who has returned from Iolkos. King Pelias is kneeling at his feet, who has usurped Jason's position as King and stole his crown while he was away. He humbly offers back the crown to Jason.

We forgive another for ourselves, not for those who have hurt us in one way or another. Once we do that what then? We are not finished with this process. There will always be someone who personally affronts us, and we will always hurt others whether it's intentional or not, including hurting ourselves.

Forgiveness is a healing process that helps us to keep moving forward in a quest for spiritual and creative growth. We need to put action into our intentions whatever they are, otherwise we will stagnate.

There is no room in my mind for guilt, hatred or resentment. I need to try and right the harm or damage I have done for emotional balance, and peace of mind. I need to sweep off my side of the street, and there will be new doors opened. All this takes courage, honesty and humility.

Seven of Swords - Changing Our Minds

This isn't my favourite card here that I've drawn this morning. Regardless, I look always for the positive in each card, and take into account the realities of it's meaning, because there is a lesson to be learned, whether I like the card or not.

Most of our thoughts are generated in our mind based on our experience. First comes the thought, and then the action. Fortunately we can decide to change our thoughts and actions, before doing something we might regret.

Orestes has decided to commit a violent crime that is both hurtful to others, and to himself that will be life changing. Life will never be the same after his actions. Resentment, anger, and hurt have long filled his thoughts, and it looks like he is about to choose to act upon these, allowing himself to be over come, and consumed by feelings and not the discernment of his intution.

He has been spending years filling up his gunnysack with negative thoughts and resentments, which has gotten heavier and heavier, as he drags it around, and increasingly weighs him down. If he finally lets this burden get the best of him, it will result in dire consequences.

The lesson and the warning here is to not allow our behaviour to be dictated by what some else had done or not done or by what has happened in our lives. Resentment is a poison that can not be afforded. There are many other tools can be used to deal with the wrongs that have been done.

The fear we might feel surrounding our guilt about past actions, needs to be examined and addressed, so we aren't enslaved or held captive in negative ways into our future, otherwise we are liable to repeat past behaviours.

Acceptance is key, and forgiveness is powerful  and both are personally trans-formative skills, that will help us to change our thinking, and enable us to be open to transformation and to changing our minds.

Wheel of Fortune - Love-Go-Round

Yesterday I saw this quote by Marianne Williamson.

" Until seeing someone's darkness, you don't really know who they are. Until forgiving someone's darkness, you don't really know what love is." - Marianne Williamson

This description parallels the Wheel of Fortune, in that we never know what we are going to get, when it comes to life, or love. It is in acceptance where love lies. I am not referring to accepting injustice. But knowing what we can and cannot accept or change, and knowing the difference. Loving means acceptance of the good, bad and the ugly. Acceptance, and forgiveness with detachment does not exclude love, but includes and precisely defines love, in a way that is healthy for all concerned, and brings peace if we make an effort to change what we can. The only person we can truly change is ourselves.

The Page of Wands - The Prodigal Daughter

I really identify with the Page of Wands and this Court card of the Minor Arcana in the Mythic Tarot is one of my very favourites, symbolizing creative energy and a kind of rebel without a cause, that eventually finds the right road along the journey.Many of us in life feel like this prodigal daughter or son.

 Having a vocation as a Youth Care Worker for 20 plus years was not a coincidence. I remember vividly what it was like being a troubled youth at risk and having a mother who trusted me so much when I was undeserving.. When I finally got into recovery it all started to make sense to me, the idea of the prodigal son or daughter. I was that person, and so I strongly identified with the kids I worked with, and I think it made me a good Youth Care Worker. My mother was the example to me. She forgave me and helped me to understand the importance of forgiveness toward others, and toward myself especially.

Everyone has made big and small mistakes, they may or may not be sorry for or remorseful. but we all need to forgive, and to be forgiven for something. We forgive another not for them, but we do it ourselves, so we don't become resentful which comes from the kind of bitter root that grows and chokes out every aspect of our lives, robbing us of our serenity and happiness..

When I think about forgiving I immediately think of someone else forgiving me, especially my family members. I always hope and pray that my family forgives me for the hurt I have caused them. I know I don't give it a second thought about forgiving them. It isn't always the easiest thing to do for some of us, but perhaps more difficult is the struggle in forgiving those we don't love, who have committed unspeakable atrocities. I know it is sometimes hard enough to forgive and to have mercy  for those we love, let alone those we don't love.

Children and animals seem to be full of the same spirit of loving others who have hurt them, even in the face of undeserved loyalty and forgiveness.

Three of Cups - Relationship Myths and Realities

The Three of Cups is a celebratory kind of card, with a big but. Celebrate but understand that there is hard work ahead. Psyche, she is looking very beautiful, like a princess, content, and satisfied with this ideal situation. She doesn't see her groom yet, as in a true realistic encounter. Eros still exists in a dream state to Psyche, a situation with which she is content, and you could say she is very headily in love, with love.

The water nymphs flipping and splashing their tails about in the water, have raised their cups in a toast to the union between Psyche and Eros. The bright Sun in the background signifies life giving growth, full of joy and promise for the future This wedding however is not all hearts and flowers. It is more likely than not, a romantic fantasy, and a kind of enchantment now, but sooner or later, reality will come crashing in, as it does with all newly weds when they embark upon a new life together, within the bonds of marriage.  In our blind love, we believe that this certain special one, is going to make us happy, and much of the time naively, our own egos are at the forefront of the relationship, and what it will give to us.

 Many entering into marriage have unrealistic expectations, unreal dreams, often based on the 'myth' of what marriage is, that in reality painfully disappoints. Young girls are indoctrinated with this kind of myth about being a princess searching for her prince to save her. When I was a little girl I adored everything about Snow White, which was so removed from reality, as are so many of the promoted myths about love and relationships especially found in the powerful messages of the media. It's not all Walt's fault!

I think of what Jean Vanier says about the reality of love and marriage.

 “The word love has been so abused by publicity and advertisements that we no longer know really what it means.”
― Jean Vanier, Eruption to Hope

"The reality of marriage is that it is a place where a man and a woman are called to sacrifice their own egos on the altar in order to create one body..." 

 “Flowing from this union, source of a plenitude of joy, the love of the couple reveals itself through the daily acceptance of the limits and faults of each other and in mutual openness. It is this acceptance in and through gentleness, kindness, forgiveness, confidence and the desire to see shining in the other the warm light of the Spirit of God that becomes the great sign of the merciful love of God for man and His incessant forgiveness.”
― Jean Vanier, Eruption to Hope 

Five of Swords - Walking Away From Nonsense

As 2015 approaches, I have been moving closer toward making my life nonsense free. I am not going to take it from others, nor from myself. What I am talking about, is the negative kind of nonsense, not the ' lets run around, have an afternoon of make funny faces, and do impersonations, fun ' kind of nonsense.

The people in my life that dish out negative nonsense are rare, because I can't have people like this in my life. When they do appear, often as strangers, or acquaintances, it takes me by surprise. I am usually not prepared. It can really throw me off base, because in the past, I accepted this behaviour. I was a passive bystander, not an assertive participator in my relationships, unable to assert my own rights.

The Five of Swords indicates the shadow side of love, and walking away from conflict. I had to address this shadow side on two occasions this week, and I walked away, not without standing up for myself. This is what I have to do when others exhibit this kind of behaviour, otherwise I feel like I condone it, give the message that it's acceptable,  and these folks will no doubt continue fobbing this nonsense onto another. Passive aggression, bullying or abuse is a continuum, if it is not addressed.

 In my 12 step program, we are told to make amends with those we have wronged, as soon as you have wronged them. I have made this an essential part of the way I live my life. Some folks will never apologize for wrongs done, and so I have to accept that, and let it go. It is however easier to forgive another when they apologize, and then change their behaviour. Apologies, and changed behaviour can salvage relationships, and even strengthen the bonds between individuals. It is however, next to impossible to sustain a relationship with another who continues with negative behaviour, when an apology is non-existent. It can break hearts.

Letting go has meant saying goodbye to friendships, or deciding I can no longer continue on with some relationships be they recent, or long term, because I have accepted my own limitations, and boundaries.

That's all I have to say about this. I leave you with this quote...

All Is Not Lost - Five of Cups

The Five of Cups speaks about regret, and remorse over severed relationships or an unfulfilled dream. We all at one time or another live with regret, saying to ourselves "If only..."

We don't need to focus only on what is spilled. There is still one cup that remains, and it is upright, so all is not lost! There is always hope!

We can't hold onto regrets, because it is living in the past, and this robs us of today's happiness.

There is nothing we can do about what has happened in the past, other than makes amends, if we need to, and ask for forgiveness. We also can make the effort to not repeat the same behaviour, or make the same mistakes.

Usually people will forgive if we are honest, and have a sincere heart. We forgive others that have hurt us, for ourselves, not for them, so we are not carrying around resentment, and bitterness, that eats you up inside, where a bitter root grows, with bitter tendrils like vines that invade, and enter every aspect of our lives.

 The hardest thing is to forgive ourselves, this has always been my experience. Accepting and acknowledging that we have done wrong to the person we have hurt, including ourselves, enables us to move forward, to make a new start, and strengthen our relationship with ourselves, with others, and with the God of our understanding.

Three of Wands - New Possibilities

Wands signify growth, action, and energy and are associated with the element of  fire and the fire signs of the Zodiac: Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.

The Three of Wands heralds new possibilities, and it gives one hope. This card signifies accomplishment, new challenges, optimism and satisfaction, involving an original idea that is arising. This is a high point, a good foundation, and the initial completion has been made, but it's not over yet, there is still work ahead, but we can meet the challenges ahead with courage and strength.

Fear can be viewed as a very positive emotion, if it causes us to do the right thing. Often our fears and concerns are manifested in our dreams, whether we know it or not. I  believe our dreams are a powerful means to work through issues, and difficulties we can't always rationally solve, in our every day lives. Tarot can assist us in understanding the meanings of our dreams, as they can share similar unconscious archetypal images, that the Tarot cards depict.

I had such a dream early this morning. There is a direct parallel connection and meaning between my dream, and the card I have drawn today. The Three of Wands has enabled me to process the meaning of my dream, which was a little disconcerting, but comforting at the same time. It was about forgiveness and moving on spiritually.

 We see in the Mythic Tarot, Pelias kneeling before Jason, offering him his rightful crown that he has stolen, butPelias is not asking for forgiveness, he offers the crown to Jason because he is afraid. Jason could have easily lashed out and killed him, but he did not. I don't know if Jason ever forgave Pelias, as he had been deeply betrayed him, his own flesh and blood. He also lied to Jason, put his life in peril, and usurped the crown. Pelias' life was full of treachery and betrayal eventually coming to a gruesome end.

  Asking for forgiveness, to forgive another and to be forgiven is healing for all individuals involved, if you allow it to be. Usually the problems occur when we can't forgive ourselves, in spite of the fact we have been forgiven. Or when we hold onto resentment, which can poison every aspect of our lives, growing it's bitter root.

Five of Pentacles - Loss

Daedalus is skulking away from his hideout. He has done a terrible thing. Symbolizing the inability to accept the loss of material wealth, social position, and the loss of faith in oneself. This card represents the need to come out of the dark and to not continue to hide from others or from ourselves.

Being so focused on our own problems, can cause us to not be able to see the forest for the trees.  Our sight is obscured, even blinded. We walk alone out of the darkness, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The brightness of the moon lights the way.
Material things and a sense of self may be lost, but there are spiritual riches to be gained along the road. There is always hope, and many gifts of the spirit.

 I have heard it said, that the Five of Pentacles is the worst card in the deck, but I don't think there is any particular card that is the worst, nor necessarily the best. The cards are the cards. What is important is that we pay attention, and what we decide to do when presented with the message they give us.

 Yes, this card could indicate mistakes made, and opportunities missed. But we can not focus on the negative, or we will not be able to move forward. Regretting the past, and projecting into the future is a useless endevour. We need to focus on the present, forgive ourselves, improve our attitude and circumstance. We can not allow false pride to stop us from asking for help either. These proactive behaviours will free us from the burden of our loss.

Often the person who is the most difficult to forgive, is ourselves.

The Chariot - War, Battle, Conflict, Struggle

The card of the day for me, is The Chariot.  This card is symbolic of war, battle, conflict and struggle, which may seem initially to be a negative thing, but if we allow ourselves, this struggle and conflict can give us strength of character, and great personal transformation, depending on our attitude. I have found this to be very much  the case personally. I have witnessed this inner strength, and courage in others, who have been, and are warriors.
Although it is necessary to face these conflicts and contradictions within ourselves, and cannot be avoided,  I have never found this to be easy, but it is all part of growing up, even becoming and adult!.
Resentment and aggression  are luxuries I can  no longer afford. I stopped carrying around a little gunny sack full of grudges toward others. I have learned to forgive others and myself.

The Chariot is the seventh card among  the 22  Major Arcana. The astrological sign Cancer and the Moon are linked with this card of conflicting animal urges and the inner instincts that can threaten to run away with us, if we do not learn to live in balance and harmony. This does not mean that we should repress our feelings, otherwise we loose our personal power, and ability to not just survive in spite of ourselves, but to thrive because of our selves, in finding our way, traveling along on the road of life.
Harnessing and balancing human nature, being pulled in opposing directions; will and action, the two horses, one black, one white symbolize this struggle that takes place within the human psyche, as we make daily decisions in our lives.


Ares, the God of War, is seen in bronze helmet and bronze armor over a blood-red tunic as he drives his war chariot. He wears a shield at his hip, and at his side is a large spear. He holds the reins of two horses, one black and one white, as they pull in opposite directions before him. The landscape is reddish and desert-like as a storm approaches.

War Symbolism (Chariot, Armor, Shield, Spear, etc)

• chariot is a symbol of war or battle
• chariot is the image of the mastery and mobility of gods and heroes
• armor identifies a warrior
• spear is a symbol of war and struggle, aggression or hostility
• spear represents that which may cut, pierce or injure
• spear represents phallic power and potency in both men and women
• an environment of hostility, aggression and oppression
• an internal struggle
• retaliation for previous thoughts, words or actions
• the need to consciously deal with problems that are struggling at the unconscious level
• the need to fight for what’s right
• the process of disintegration and reintegration
• abolishing disorder and creating order out of chaos
• the spiritual battle between good and evil within man’s own nature

Black and White Horses

• Deimos (fear) and Phobos (terror) accompanied Ares on the battlefield
• the potential for both good and evil contained in the aggressive instinct
• white horse represents pure intellect while the black horse represents chaos
• black symbolizes lack of consciousness, descent into darkness, evil, corruption, ignorance while white represents innocence, purity, truth, perfection, redemption, illumination
• conflicting animal urges within man that are full of vitality yet unwilling to work together
• Metaphors/Proverbs:
  • “to know black from white” is to understand the difference between right and wrong
  • “to see everything as black and white” is to have limited vision, to see things only as true/false or right/wrong
  • “a horse of a different color” means additional information that causes a situation to be reconsidered or different
  • “don’t put the cart before the horse” means it’s important to do things in the right or natural order, and is also used to correct people who confuse cause and effect
  • “zeal without knowledge is a runaway horse” means that uninformed enthusiasm will only lead to disaster

Desert Landscape

• the lack of feeling and relatedness in which the aggressive impulses thrive
• that which is not fertile, is bleak or is abandoned
• that which lacks insight or spirit; hopelessness and pessimism

Ares

• god of war, he reveled in fighting and was in love with the heat and glory of battle so that he could unleash all his strength to challenge his foe
• because he was associated with bloodshed and conflict, he was disliked by Zeus and Athena because of his brute-strength and lack of refinement
• Aphrodite fell in love with him though, and together they had a daughter Harmonia, whose quality was the harmonious blending of love and strife
• the image of aggressive instincts guided and directed by the will of consciousness
• as fatherless god (he was born from Hera without male seed), he’s the image of the natural aggressive and competitive instincts of the body because he lacks the archetypal spiritual father who might provide him with vision and meaning
• this iron will and great courage are a necessary complement though to spiritual vision, which isn’t enough to survive in a competitive and difficult world
• the second of life’s greatest lessons – the creative harnessing of the violent, turbulent urges of the instinctual nature
• arriving at maturity – learning how to take the consequences of one’s actions as an adult and facing the anger and conflict one has invoked both internally and externally
• the need to deal with the warring opposites and war-like urges within
• lesson of how learning to contain and direct the aggressive drive fosters the development of the whole personality