Three of Cups - My Tribe

I always get a really good feeling when I look at the Three of Cups, illustrating a celebratory union between Psyche and Eros and the water nymphs propose the toast.

Being a Cups kind of person, and have to say I am somewhat partial to this suit regardless of the card. But I have learned to balance my heart with my head over the years, developing the practice of reminding myself to not exclude one over the other.

Cups represents the emotion. It's also card of communication, friendship and community.
Life is all about relationship with self, others and with the god of our own understanding.

This past week I celebrated 30 years of gathering with life long women friends. It was also my 63rd Birthday and so it was a very special time. It will be a really memorable occasion to me, having celebrated with this special tribe of women.

Some of us have known one another longer than 30 years and have remained in contact and we have seen each other through good and bad times. We are really all like sisters of choice and some of us are actual biological sisters.

We are also all very aware that our group of gals is pretty unusual these days. So as we have aged over the years our gatherings are becoming more significant to us individually, realizing that we have been very blessed to have one another, as a very supportive, loving, and fun loving collective tribe.
 I found the following on a site called The Organic Sister. I think it gives a good explanation of why communication, friendship and community are vital to our happiness.

12 Reasons We Women Need Our Tribes

1. We are inherently tribal. – We once lived in cultures where the women raised babies together, did laundry together, cooked together, and helped each other laugh through the ups and downs of life. We have evolved to be inter-dependent. It’s only in the last few decades that we’ve held up that Fierce Independence as the epitome of a strong woman. Well, if alone against the world is what makes you a great women, count me out. I’d rather feel great, than only look it.


2. Your partner can’t be everything. – I used to lean on Justin for everything. It was a real bitch when we had a fight and he was the only person I had to talk to about it. For awhile there I even thought it wasn’t okay to talk to other women about our challenges. And in a way I still find that true; I don’t want a tribe that will help me complain about him. I want a tribe that will help me examine my triggers and overcome any barrier that keeps us from loving one another better. I also came to find that it was simply unfair to him to place every stress on his shoulders. He’s one man, who wants very hard to fix as much as he can to see me smile, and without more support in my life my husband was becoming heavy with the burden of being the only person I would turn to help me meet my deeper needs for connection, growth, fun, or help. That’s not healthy; that’s co-dependent.


3. Your kids need a break from you. – Oh man, am I serious about this one. Especially because my son is an only child. Without my tribe of conscious mamas, from both local parenting groups with like-minded philosophies on life and parenting, to online tribes, to coaches who have helped me through rough spots, I’m pretty sure my son and I owe our relationship to the support I found in others. Without it I was constantly examining and analyzing every action my son took, worrying that I was doing something wrong (or he was), or just not giving him the space to just breathe, explore independently, or make his own choices without my fear trying to micro-manage, nag, control or stress him out. Having other mamas helped me to put things in perspective, lighten up and be a better mom more capable of responding to his needs with compassion and support.


4. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. – You want to radically change your life? Surround yourself with examples that it’s possible. You want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence? Engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper, more meaningful things. Don’t let the limitations of what those around you can do become your reality. Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seems impossible will soon become the only thing you know.


5. Girls just wanna have fun. – Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It’s our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to do you in is not so bad when our tribe helps us to play and lighten up. And fun is a damn important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more laughter and play.


6. You need people who won’t let you off the hook. – I didn’t use to see this was true about myself. I’ve always thought I was pretty self-motivated. Until my tribe called me on my bullshit and helped me to see how I was giving up, playing small or rationalizing away my dreams. Because I allowed others to know what my real desires were – what my heart ached for – they were there to call attention to the ways I was neglecting them. It was not a pretty mirror they held up but it was a much needed view that helped me to confront my real barriers and catapult right past them.


7. You need a safe place to land. – The world can be harsh. Have one terrible day and you could end up on YouTube being bashed by millions of people. Make a mistake and you probably have learned to do the bashing yourself. But the right tribe of women will open up a safe and sacred space for you to bring your cracked and weeping heart. They will wrap you in compassion and stillness and allow you to breathe and vent and process without judgment. They give you the nurturing and the encouragement to heal and grow and move forward again. I can’t tell you how powerful it is to know that a circle of women, some whom you haven’t even met, are waiting with open arms, whether you’re having a horrible day or your life has just been shattered.


8. You can’t see your own blind spots. – I’ve already mentioned a few times how the tribes of women in my life will call my on my shit. And sometimes it really pisses me off. But without their intuitive ability to hold up that mirror to what I can’t see I would still be spinning my wheels in frustration over the patterns I couldn’t change. With the multiple perspectives and the collective wisdom a tribe of soulful, conscious women can be a catalyst for the most powerful personal growth.


9. You’re can’t jump over buildings in a single bound. – Or any of the other impossible things we try to do on our own. You’re not Superwoman. You’re not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything. You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. Whether you’ve just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you’re trying to manage a household, love a family, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. Trade support. Pay for support. You’re worth the investment.


10. You’re going to drive yourself batshit crazy unless you do something for you once in awhile. – Nuff’ Said.


11. You can’t give what you don’t allow yourself to receive. – This was my Aha moment when it came to receiving support. I can NOT give it if I don’t first have it. And it’s no one else’s job to know when I need it, or how I’d like to receive it. It’s my job to seek out the things that will meet my needs in such a way that I feel so filled up with love, energy, connection, passion, and everything else I might need that I am overflowing that back out to my family, my clients and the whole world.


12. You deserve to receive a lot. – Women tend to have this idea that it’s great for other women to receive, “but oh no, not me.” “I couldn’t possibly take that from you.” “I can’t justify that for myself.” “I’d be selfish.” No. You won’t be selfish. You’re selfish when you continue to try to meet your needs in ways that aren’t effective. It wastes your time, energy, money, and capabilities. And you’re never helping others. But investing well in your own health, well-being, personal growth, mental clarity, stability and ability to do more in the world is anything but selfish. It’s imperative.

Three of Cups - What Do You Celebrate?

The Three of Cups augers celebration, accomplishment, joy, love, and the happiness within the soul. The union of Psyche (Soul) and Eros (Love or Desire) is being toasted, by the three water nymphs.

It is a welcome card on this, the first day of the New Year, 2016. For me personally I always look forward to the New Year, new beginnings, new life, and light. It represents a chance to start over. Tomorrow, January 2nd, marks my 22 A.A. recovering anniversary and so it's always an extra celebration, although now, it's all very quiet, and on the down low, much like my New Year's Eve.

My first year A.A. anniversary was the very best in retrospect, because my father and mother were still living, and they came to the open anniversary meeting to celebrate with my very supportive and loving home group. At that time I didn't realize how very special it would become to me as the years past. I feel very grateful to have been so blessed., because many don't have the love and support of family.

Life and love are both full of dreams and expectations when we are young, and are often not so realistic. As we get older our dreams and expectations change, and are more reflected and rooted in reality. I've learned that curiosity is the stuff of what dreams are made of, and though we may be more realistic in our perspective, we can always remain curious which enables our creativity, our dreams and reality, that no longer need to be based on unrealistic expectations. Today I celebrate that, now that my experience has rendered me older, and wiser.

What do you celebrate?

Time to break out the disco!

Three of Cups - Relationship Myths and Realities

The Three of Cups is a celebratory kind of card, with a big but. Celebrate but understand that there is hard work ahead. Psyche, she is looking very beautiful, like a princess, content, and satisfied with this ideal situation. She doesn't see her groom yet, as in a true realistic encounter. Eros still exists in a dream state to Psyche, a situation with which she is content, and you could say she is very headily in love, with love.

The water nymphs flipping and splashing their tails about in the water, have raised their cups in a toast to the union between Psyche and Eros. The bright Sun in the background signifies life giving growth, full of joy and promise for the future This wedding however is not all hearts and flowers. It is more likely than not, a romantic fantasy, and a kind of enchantment now, but sooner or later, reality will come crashing in, as it does with all newly weds when they embark upon a new life together, within the bonds of marriage.  In our blind love, we believe that this certain special one, is going to make us happy, and much of the time naively, our own egos are at the forefront of the relationship, and what it will give to us.

 Many entering into marriage have unrealistic expectations, unreal dreams, often based on the 'myth' of what marriage is, that in reality painfully disappoints. Young girls are indoctrinated with this kind of myth about being a princess searching for her prince to save her. When I was a little girl I adored everything about Snow White, which was so removed from reality, as are so many of the promoted myths about love and relationships especially found in the powerful messages of the media. It's not all Walt's fault!

I think of what Jean Vanier says about the reality of love and marriage.

 “The word love has been so abused by publicity and advertisements that we no longer know really what it means.”
― Jean Vanier, Eruption to Hope

"The reality of marriage is that it is a place where a man and a woman are called to sacrifice their own egos on the altar in order to create one body..." 

 “Flowing from this union, source of a plenitude of joy, the love of the couple reveals itself through the daily acceptance of the limits and faults of each other and in mutual openness. It is this acceptance in and through gentleness, kindness, forgiveness, confidence and the desire to see shining in the other the warm light of the Spirit of God that becomes the great sign of the merciful love of God for man and His incessant forgiveness.”
― Jean Vanier, Eruption to Hope 

Three of Cups - Early Joy

The three water nymphs, or ondines rise from the waters, and are each holding up a golden cup toasting in celebration of the marriage between Eros and Psyche.
Psyche holds white lilies, symbolic of innocence, hope, transitioning, becoming, chastity, purity, among other meanings.

I love this short explanation of the Three of Cups as being ' early joy.' I think we are all familiar the flush, the rush and romance of a new love, or the excitement and perhaps trepidation of a new job. I compare it to starting a new art project, finding a blank canvas in front of you. It all looks so perfect, and a little daunting too, because you don't know what the out come is going to be, but are hopeful and excited with anticipation.

We can approach our new circumstance with hope and optimism or with fear and reluctance. But without risk, and hope we may never know what the gain will be. It is wise to approach new experiences with our eyes open, and not fall into a a blind naivety, as we can set ourselves up for disappointment or failure, with unrealistic expectations.

 Early joy is a wonderful feeling, like when we start a new exercise, a hobby, or when we begin a quest. This heady feeling, when the endorphins kick in, can be addictive. What really needs to be remembered, realized, and understood, is that this feeling of enchantment will not always last.

 There needs to be serious consideration for the effort, time and work, necessary to create, transform and actualize this new found passion into becoming something constant, and sustainable and real in the future.

Joy is the best make up - Anne Lamott

Three of Cups - The Blue Bird of Happiness

Initial completion is what in all of the Threes of every suit represents. The Three of Cups augers the first part of the journey that heralds promise, and emotional fulfillment, love and happiness. Eros the god of love, is close behind Psyche's groom, whom she can not see. Psyche is in her bridal gown, and the nymphs holding the cups toward the couple in happy and joyous celebration.

It is a revelation of life to find out what we naively thought would make us happy once upon a time, changes as we age. When I was a girl of about 11 or 12, I was certain having breasts was going to make me happy. I dreamt of  wearing long necklaces draped over my bosom, I would be twenty, and  be a happy adult, as opposed to being an unhappy powerless kid. Wow, if it had been that easy I would be well happy by now!

I also believed if I could have a horse I would be happy, and I wanted to have a "normal " family. Neither of these things happened, however along with my ideas of happiness my dreams also changed, and this was a good thing.

I dislike that word normal. Normal does not mean happy, and happiness has nothing to do with normality. Frankly, I am not even sure what normalcy is. I know what happiness is for me. Happiness is sometimes an elusive thing, and certainly is different for everyone. Mostly I think it is living and appreciating the moment, and being grateful. Living in the past, or projecting into the future, is not where we find happiness. I now can take responsibility for my happiness, and that feels real good. This a great big life changing lesson, because it is based on reality, not on chasing castles in the sky, and not on having pipe dreams, or searching and expecting someone or something else other than ourselves to bring us happiness. It just ain't gonna happen!

The message of the Three of Cups is, to remember that, our initial feelings of joy and bliss are always changing along the path. The journey is not finished, and hard work lies ahead, but we can fully enjoy happiness in all it's human and divine promise, now.

Three of Cups - Rite of Passage

 
Oh Three of Cups, how I love you and how I hate you. I say this because I am reminded by this card of the first flush of love, of the happiness and joy of committed love and the loss of love. Simultaneously I think of it as being party time, a celebration is eminent, and a moving toward retirement. I never imagined looking forward to being 65, but the fact is, I am in four more years. I will have a somewhat improved standard of living, and now I've finally come to the end after 20 years, my mortgage will be paid off in a few months. This will give me the feelings of fulfillment and completion, much like the way one feels when you fall in love. But the Three of Cups is a card of transition or rite of passage, with further developments to come, as the journey is not finished, and there is still hard work ahead.

Having spent most of my life single, becoming a young newly wed widow at 27 years of age, and then was divorced  six years later, escaping an abusive husband. Honestly, I would be lying if I said I am glad to be single, but at the same time I can't say I am unhappy with my single life. There are many worse things in life than being single. Being married or coupled with someone you are not in love with, is the worst kind of loneliness and unhappiness. As well my identity is not defined by a married or single status, by my age, colour, race or creed.

According to the Mythic Tarot deck, the Three of Cups indicates that I am at the beginnings of initiation into deeper levels of the heart experience, heralding further explorations in the future, as the Three of Cups divinatory meaning suggests. Well that's good news, and I feel this in my bones.

 We never know what the future holds, but what is important to me is having hope about emotional fulfillment and promise regardless of my past losses in life and love. Finding contentment in whatever life circumstance, is vital to my happiness, and peace of mind.

The Handless Maiden- Egg Tempera on Wood Panel, 12"x 12" 2012, Catherine Meyers

Three of Cups - Joy

 Cups are the suit connected to emotions, relationships, , community, fellowship, friendship and romance.
In the Three of Cups, Eros and Psyche are portrayed being wedded to one another. A joyous occasion.
Joy is state of mind, and a feeling that is cause to celebrate. In today's world it seems joy can be hard to find.


Having a grateful attitude is a habit that can help us to celebrate joy in our lives. By not minimizing the simple  things, or not taking things for granted, this can greatly increase our feelings of joy. Our happiness is proportional to maintaining this daily habit.

The Three of Cups represents the initial completion of abundance, happiness, love, being loved, and emotional fulfillment. It's time to celebrate.
Relax and take credit for a job well done. There are successful ventures ahead. Life is unfolding and the journey is just beginning.
You may be moving toward retirement.

Along with the joy there can be a certain flush of romance and life that is full of promise and with it comes deeper experience of the heart, that is reached through both happiness and sorrow.

 “All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still 'about to be'.”
                       - C.S Lewis, Surprised by Joy