The Devil-The Devil Made Me Do It

The Devil - Made Me Do It!



Wearing the world as a loose garment comes to mind when I think about this card. I learned the hard way many years ago, that I'm responsible for my own happiness. It's an ongoing lesson in one way or another that is proportional to my conscious contact with the Creator every day.

This isn't an easy lesson, living in a world that seems to perpetuate the illusion of happiness, to be found outside of ourselves, as we can spend a life time trying to fill a spiritual void with this illusion. I call it a hole in the soul.

It's a perfect card for me to draw today as I contemplate how I'm addicted to the internet.

Addiction is often what's reflected in this Major Arcana card of The Devil or represents emotional, spiritual and physical  bondage of some sort. Pan is the embodied god and the goat figure symbolizes the scapegoat, symbolizing the person or thing that people project their inferior side of themselves on to, in order to make themselves feel better. Being human is about accepting ourselves, the positive and negative, is a necessary life lesson to learn and essential to our happiness.

It's easy to blame this or that, or someone else for our life troubles. But ultimately we are all responsible for our own actions and for our own happiness.

"Write your sorrows in sand and your blessings in stone."

The Devil - Did The Devil Make Me Do It?

No the devil didn't make me do it, sometimes that's the way I felt, but that would simply be another excuse, and after a while I didn't need one.


What am speaking of? It's what this card can indicate in it's interpretation, and if it does come up in a reading diplomacy, empathy, and sensitivity need to be used. Addiction or being in some kind of bondage, can and often does include a wide scope of things outside of ourselves. It's a topic many of us avoid or deny, and denial is often the hallmark of addiction. Usually everyone else knows before we do.

As in life and with each Tarot card there is both dark and light to be found in it's interpretation. I'm always on the look out when The Devil card appears for the questioner, because they might be dealing with some kind of addiction.

In my case, drawing this card today, is synchronicity at work, as it is my 22nd AA anniversary of being clean and sober, which I am so grateful for each and every sober day. I don't look for congratulatory comments. I once heard it said by a fellow long time recovering friend say, that giving an alcoholic a congratulatory medal is like giving a cowboy who has hemorrhoids, a medal for not getting back on his horse. I thought that was pretty funny, but I think he was right. Of course, I do acknowledge my sobriety, and have many medallions. I share my struggle with addiction, because  it may give someone else hope.

Addiction involves all kinds of "isms" and I still have a few. There is always lots of talk and controversy about when addiction begins, or if it is curable etc. To me that all just doesn't matter to me, because I understand my addiction, I know I'm an addict, and I know what I needed to do to get better, and what I need to continue to do to maintain contented sobriety.

 The best explanation of addiction I have ever heard came from Dr. Carl Jung. He called it "Spiritus contra spiritum" which is Latin  meaning,  "Spiritus" in Latin means both "alcohol" and "religious experience," while "contra" means "against." Carl Jung wrote this phrase to one of the founders, Bill W. of Alcoholics Anonymous and Jung described it as being,  "Attempting to fill a spiritual void with a material reality", is Jung's definition of addiction. Bill W. and Dr Bob felt that is was Dr. Carl Jung who enabled them to lay the foundation for the 12 Steps.

My desire for the drink or substances has gone, thank God, and I thank God for the 12 Step fellowship, that is second to none.

Ace of Cups - Shlemiel or Shlimazel?

Hands down this card for me today is my very favourite, and it's perfect timing with the Blue Moon and because I am getting together with some life long women friends. We've been gathering for these women's weekends together for many years, and saw one another go through those pivotal life altering events like marriage, divorce, death, those soul draining things that can make you feel like a shlimazl, or shlemiel, both two hard cases. The shlimazl usually gets the worst of it. The shlemiel falls off the ladder, and the shlimazl breaks her fall. These Yiddish words accurately describe the unluckiness I am talking about. Yes, and I found out that luck has nothing to do with happiness.


Things that make you say, " Why is this happening? " or " What is wrong with me? " You may be left feeling like you are simply an unlucky sop, who has a dark cloud over your head.  I used to feel this way. I thought every one else was destined to be happy. Happiness was something that seemed to elude me, and I didn't know how to be responsible for my own happiness. I felt this way for many years, though it may not  have been apparent to anyone else other than me.

 I had been attempting to fill a spiritual void with a material reality. It really wasn't until I was about 40 years old, when I fully came to believe that happiness was to be found within myself. I learned that happiness comes from being grateful and reaching out for help. Today I focus on what I have, not on what I don't have.

In the Ace of Cups we see Aphrodite rising out of the frothy ocean in all her glory and power. She is the goddess of Love and called the Mother of All. This card is about feeling a deep love for yourself, for others and for Spirit, that fortifies and strengthens your own ability to keep that veil of unhappiness away.

When we truly are our own best friend, this enables us to really appreciate deep friendships with those who know us, love and accept us as we are. These friendships are some of the most affirming and loving blessings we can have in our lives.

If the Great Spirit loves and accepts us as we are, then why wouldn't we, or why shouldn't we love, and accept ourselves as we are? Being mindful and maintaining a daily conscious contact with Spirit, has been paramount in my own happiness.

I am grateful to my fellow sisters and brothers who have shared in the falling, and in the breaking of falls. I am grateful as well, that they taught me how to no longer be a shlemiel or a shlimazl!

King of Cups - No One Loves The Man Whom He Fears - Aristotle

Having an affinity with the King of Cups and is for me about loving men who are not afraid of relationships or of their own emotion or emotions expressed by others. I also admire women who have the same capacity. That said, I also identify very much with the King of Cups, with being fearful of his emotion and of relationships. I have experienced both kinds states of mind and perceptions, living life accordingly.

When I see this King, I think of the Queen of Cups, who feels and drinks deeply from the cup of life, but unlike her, this King feels deeply, and may want desperately to partake in his feelings, but he holds back in fear of fully participating in relationship with himself, with others, and even with the God of his understanding. He is disconnected from life when it comes to his relationships. He can feel very much alone, in a crowd.

His fear of intimacy is the avoidance pain, however in reality he actually creates for himself, the pain he is trying to avoid at all costs. But the price he pays is great. He has a kind of living problem, or what I call a hole in the soul. Loving another is just to risky.

Until the King of Cups can find a way of uniting and his male and female nature within, he is not a man fully alive. There is still a apart of himself that does he is unable to accept that does not allow room for love. The result is a constant underlining unhappiness, unacknowledged, misunderstood, and unchanged. He lives in a kind of lonely, dark underworld psychologically, that can culminate in mental health problems, such as deep depression , break downs, or even suicide.

He can immerse himself into to his rich creative life for comfort and escape, but for whatever reason he is without the ability to share openly through an intimate relationship, with someone he is willing to trust as a confidant. There is now a fertile environment laid and the antecedent for addictive behaviours that can threaten his very life, mind, body, and soul.

 Addiction is a disease of the emotion, and a living problem. Life is full of hurt and disappointment. Life is also very full of love and joy. If we cannot accept and find a way to cope and accept life on life's terms it is impossible to find happiness within.We cannot experience the love and joy without feeling the weakness of disappointment and pain. This is what gives us our strength and power.

Strength - Courage - Fortitude

Many of us have days when we feel weak within ourselves emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We can find some guidance and reassurance in the Strength card, that will hopefully enable us to overcome what it is we struggle with life. Strength urges us to respond with our heads and not our hearts, exercising restraint. Courage and fortitude is what will bring about a healing successful outcome. When this 'weakness' continues over long periods of time, we need to reach out for help.

There are many circumstances that can make us feel so over whelmed and vulnerable.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one of the most common difficulties that can render people seemingly helpless.We can reach the jumping off point. We are afraid to live, afraid to die, and even contemplate suicide as being the only solution.

PTSD is such a common and very misunderstood mental health issue for so many of us, and it can be very difficult to ask for help or find the right kind of counselor.  Many of our loved ones and friends do not understand or know how to help us. Compassion and education is the key, and we need to stop the silence and stigma associated with having mental illness.

I understand this all to well, as I have had many loved ones that suffered with mental illness and I have myself struggled with addiction, depression, anxiety over the years, until I found 12 Step recovery.

I understand that this topic is a heavy one, that many of us rather not talk about, and want to avoid. Silence isolates, and isolation kills.
But there is life affirming hope, and it is vital that we be proactive regarding mental health especially through education, and talking openly with courage and fortitude.

Temperance - Spiritual Home

 Temperance, such a beautiful image and concept. But Temperance isn't just a concept or image, it is truly a way of living that is about balance, moderation, living life with clarity, discernment, having an open heart and mind. It is also living life fully with my mind, body,and spirit, all in unison. Being in this balanced state is where I feel I am at home in the spiritual sense. If one of these aspects is not being attended to, the other areas will suffer and I am not as happy as I could be.

My biggest down fall when it comes to living a temperate life is no longer struggling with addiction, but with exercise. I don't do enough regular exercise. Truth be know I hate exercise. I think the older I become the more I am becoming like Phyllis Diller. " Exercise to me is a brisk sit ".

Ten of Wands - Oppression Versus Wearing The World As A Loose Garment

Hmmm, what to say about the Ten of Wands. Looks pretty oppressive, and Jason is overwhelmed and hemmed in by all those flaming wands. He's feeling not only overwhelmed, but what he had taken on, in pursuing and finally obtaining the Golden Fleece, has left him depressed, and bored under the weight of everyday responsibilities which has definitely cramped his style.

Jason's great ship the Argo is wrecked, beached and mouldering. He has achieved what he set out to do, but isn't happy. The initial enthusiasm when he began this great undertaking, has long vanished. Jason may have been naive to think that the pursuit of this kind of adventure is not what is really going to bring him sustained happiness.

Like Jason, we can accomplish great things through our projects, and once they are achieved,we can be left with that feeling reflected in that old song,  "Is that all there is?" The answer of course is no, that's not all there is, but we need to find a sustainable happiness within the real world. I am not what I do. This makes me ask myself, is it the pursuit of happiness or is it the happiness of pursuit, or both that are important?

 In the past I was addicted to a state of hyper-vigilance. This kind of addiction I believe is rooted in unmet needs growing up. I grew up with this kind of addiction, because I never knew what was going to happen in our dysfunctional home, and so I unconsciously found myself in similar situations in life and in particularly in my relationships. It just felt normal to me, but I sure was not happy. Like Jason I was unaware of my limitations, and I often made the wrong choices or took on more than I could ever handle.

 Some folks are addicted to the adrenalin rush that comes with some possibly dangerous risks, and they are never happy or satisfied unless they are in pursuit of the next big thing.
Today I can challenge myself within the real world with smart, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound goals. I can still partake in risk and adventure, that awakens the imagination  with new ideas, new goals, and a new gamble, while wearing the world as a loose garment, to avoid burn out.

 I don't feel the need to achieve huge great things today. Hyper-vigilance is not something I want anymore, but changing my habits for the better these days is, with not too much of an adrenalin rush needed.
Getting my next art series completed, having an exhibit, and getting my garage cleaned, that would be real big to me.

How To Take Control of Your Red Shoes - The Devil

I don't believe I've ever drawn the Devil card in my daily draw. This card represents the passionate side of the individual, from which we can experience growth if we recognize and accept this aspect of ourselves. Pan also plays the truth on his pipe, and the scene takes place in the depths of the unseen unconscious. The dancing figures represent the fears we have in facing the truth, and how we can often lie to ourselves.

What we think we want, is often not what will truly bring happiness, and we become addicted to what is outside of ourselves, trying to fill that hole in the soul,  instead of finding happiness, and fulfillment from within.

This card reminds me of Hans Christian Andersen's story, about the Red Shoes.
The young girl becomes completely enamored and then obsessed by her red shoes which causes her to continually dance, and this leads to dreadful torment, and suffering.

The Red Shoes - Catherine Meyers

Four of Pentacles - How To Save Yourself From Yourself

Being anxious and consciously attached to material possessions and money, is not a good way to go. It is a continuum in that, the more you have, the more you want. On the other hand, poverty is no fun either, and can cause a similar preoccupation and anxiousness, because you can be constantly thinking and worrying about how you are going to make it til the end of the month, pay your bills or having to  swallow your false pride and humble yourself to ask for help in one way or another, which is difficult for most people. I admit I am guilty of worrying and getting stressed out about my lack of funds. My fear of financial insecurity can be very stressful at times.

The Ten of Pentacles came up yesterday, when I did a reading for a client and again today, in my daily draw the Four of Pentacles. It is often stated that money is the root of all evil,  but in my opinion, it is when people place so much importance on it, more so than on personal values, and a healthy sense of inner well being and serenity that is only drawn from inner resources. This is when the myriad of problems are mostly manifested.

 Perhaps it is our desire for, and addiction to perfection, that causes our preoccupation, and anxiousness. We feel we are not successful, and are always falling short, based on an image and not reality. We strive to fill that void within ourselves, that can only be filled spiritually within ourselves.

Addiction is addiction, regardless of what it is we are addicted to. The writers of The Spirituality of Imperfection address this in their book when  they write,

Addiction represents the ultimate effort to control, the definitive demand for magic...and the final failure of spirituality...the desperate (and doomed) attempt to fill a spiritual void with a material reality to make "magic" a substitute for a miracle. - Kurtz and Ketcham in The Spirituality of Imperfection (1992)


Addiction to material possessions and monetary success, makes me think of what Mother Teresa once said in regards to the East having material poverty, but is rich in spirituality, and the West, does not lack so much in rich  material wealth, but has great spiritual poverty. It is no different for individuals.


I believe this addiction to people, places and things, it is what is wrong with our world. Generousity, having gratitude for what we have, and actively showing  kindness, could alleviate so much suffering in the world.

In the Four of Pentacles Daedalus clutches his four coins and gives his nephew Talos a very angry stare. Daedalus is both threatened of being usurped by his young talented nephew and he is also very jealous of him, and this card is a symbolic warning against envy and avarice.

Daedalus lacks confidence in his abilities to compete, is overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy due to not being able to let go of his control, and lacks emotional generousity. As a result of Daedalus remains materially and emotional stagnant, without the flow of creativity and energy.

La Larona - Catherine Meyers

Queen of Swords - Idealism

Today's card from the Minor Arcana, the Queen of Swords is a strong independent woman. In the Mythic Tarot the Queen is Atalanta who was abandoned but her father who was disappointed that he had no male heir. He left her on a hill, but she was rescued and nursed by a bear, sent by the moon-goddess Artemis- Hecate.

Crescent Moon Bear - Catherine Meyers

The Queen appears aloof and cool, but don't be fooled, she has a soft underbelly after experiencing  great losses, and many difficulties in her life. This Queen is very familiar with hard times and suffering, but continues to thrive, not just in spite of them, but because of these burdens she has had to bare, this has given her an inner strength.
She has a vehement sense of justice, and benevolently upholds and champions the rights of others, perhaps as a result of her own loss and brokenness.

 Quick witted with a sharp tongue, she can cut to the quick, being very intelligent and passionate about her high ideals. Not willing to settle in love she can cut her nose off to spite her face because of this idealism, which in the extreme, is an expectation of perfectionism in others; an expectation that was placed upon herself as well at a young age.

The Queen is a woman possessing a strong sense of integrity and pride, but she is also lonely, and isolated as a result of these high ideals. She may be unconscious of her perfectionist expectations, however it does have a positive aspect, in that others are inspired by her, to improve upon themselves.

Being too idealistic prevents us from ever measuring up to a perfectionist ideal. It does not exist in reality, and is an image. This state occurs because this individual is fearful of being human, and leaves us vulnerable to being hurt.

Many of us have been hurt in early life or in the past, which manifests into our adult life, especially if we lack self-awareness, and choose not seek help to resolve these issues. Serious problems arise in our relationships with others, as a result of clinging to an unmovable faith in high ideals, leading to an addiction perfectionism.