Two of Pentacles - How to Keep Your Balls in the Air

It might seem oddly amusing to tell some that I learned how to juggle on Prince Edward Island, where. I was hanging around two fellows who were juggling clowns and was desperate to learn how to keep my balls in the air!

Little did I know what that would lead to, and what was ahead for me, an adventure of a life time. Once I learned how to juggle I was hooked and wanted to know everything about clowning and found myself leaving the protection of a very rural farming community of P.E.I. and heading to the mean streets of the city to study Mime in Toronto Ontario.

This is where and when my life changed forever through deep a profound love, followed by tragic loss. Needless to say I was no longer interested or able to know how to keep my balls in the air and simply wanted to give up on life. I'd reached that jumping off point that so many young people experience after loosing someone to death, whom you love so much.

 I was no longer "juggling". I was barely treading water, and felt like I was rapidly loosing ground. I kept on for my family, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, until I met a community of others who cared for me more than I cared for myself and they loved me back to joy, and to life.

One thing that never changes in life is change, as I'm reminded of this today, drawing the Two of Pentacles. Looking back I see how juggling has become the metaphor for my life. This card symbolizes change and the fluctuation in the flow of creative energy that needs to be grounded, channeled balanced, regardless of my circumstances.

Five of Wands - Who's Afraid of Monsters?

 In the Five of Wands Jason's fighting the big old ugly monster dragon that's guarding the Golden Fleece, but he's got help from his helper and lover Medea. We all need to find that soft place to fall, someone who can help us battle our demons and dragons. We don't have to do it on our own and today I thank God for that.

 Life will always find some kind of monster like dragon that stands in our way when we're trying to achieve our goals, but with the help, love and support from those that care and love us, in small or in big ways, this is what makes the difference in overcoming, if we are willing to humbly ask for help, or allow them to help us when they offer.

 The other important factor that makes all the difference is my attitude, which has to be a positive one if I'm going to accomplish my goals. And so this New Year I am going to back up my intentions with action instead of simple good intentions which the road to hell can be paved with as we say in the rooms of recovery.

 Though I've been sober twenty three 23 years today,  I still fight my monsterous dragons, that will never change. It's just called life. Today I live life on life's terms. I fight with myself over my procrastination and lack of motivation, because it's always been all or nothing with me, but I've made a lot progress along the way.

 Today I decided I'd go take the hour long walk to my mail box. Understand this can be a real drag for someone who struggles with motivation, especially when it comes to exercising outside in the Winter, because I don't like the cold and I'm just spleeny that way. I've stopped trying to embrace Winter as they say, and just could never get my head around that.

 As I started on my walk to the Super Box Mail Dragon, my neighbour picked me up and gave me a lift! I admit I was glad with the cold wind in my face and by the time I got back I was in serious need of using the facilities, which is so much more comfortable in my own house, as opposed to behind a bush in the woods, in the middle of no where.

 My mail box used to be directly across the road from my house, but now Canada Post in it's great wisdom, in spite of the numerous protests, decided they know how to "best serve" their customers. Before I get off on a tangent, I'll just say this about that.

 I've only been to pick up my mail twice in four weeks since they brought in the new super mail boxes. So instead of seeing this in a negative, I'm trying very hard to see it as a positive. I'll have something to look forward to at the end of my long walk (mail) I hope, like I did today.

 I heard it said once, the definition of an alcoholic is someone who always has to have something to look forward too. And if there isn't any mail, I'll be losing some weight and will feel better about myself mind, body and soul. This I know is the right attitude.

 I was happy to find Christmas cards and even a Christmas cake from my cousin, who happens to work for Canada Post and also is my mailman, but I won't blame him for that! And who doesn't love Christmas cake ;)

So, I'll to take my own advice. I'll keep asking for help when I need it and I'll be hanging on to that positive attitude while weaving the stuff of spirit and heart into my daily life.

Procrastination Monster

Knight of Swords - Synchronicity of Earth and Astral Planes

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” – Rumi

 I know I'm being affected but this Supermoon, Blood Moon, Hunter's Moon that is on it's way after midnight. I am feeling full of synchronicity, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm listening to what I need in the way if sustaining my soul, taking time to find clarity and for this I am very grateful..


Over the past few months I've been completely preoccupied. My focus has been very methodically working on completing a government application for a grant relating to my art business. Some days I'm both simultaneously energized and mentally exhausted. I can almost feel like it's taken over my life, because I'm taken over by a new idea and am inspired to move with changes, even if some are uncomfortable and even turbulent. I am positive this will result in a broader vision of life.

 I am reminded of my past behavioural tendencies to take things to extremes or react in haste or being conflicted by opposing principles within myself. I've been all or nothing kind of gal most of my life. I've learned some hard lessons, and have come to understand the meaning of slow and steady wins the race, and that balance is better than extremes.

As a Gemini I identify with the Knight of Swords, as it typifies my personality in just about every way. Today I can say I experience more the positive aspects of this card embodying the Mythic imagery of the Dioscuri, who were never separated, the twin brothers, Castor and Polydeuces. Of course both Mythic figures demonstrate positive and negative characteristics, like we all exhibit a duality within our personalities. If we can bring this duality into synchronicity it can bring balance.

We all make big and small  life choices everyday. Some times the smallest and seemingly most insignificant of decisions made, can have the greatest consequences, in both positive and negative ways. Regardless, we're either moving forward or back, but always in motion. I don't think there is such a thing as staying still. I guess I'd describe being stagnant as being in denial, or doing something over and over again expecting a different result. In 12 Step Recovery programs we call that insanity.

The Mother's Prayers Are Carried to The Grand Mother - Coloured Pencil & Oil Pastel - Catherine Meyers

The Devil - Did The Devil Make Me Do It?

No the devil didn't make me do it, sometimes that's the way I felt, but that would simply be another excuse, and after a while I didn't need one.


What am speaking of? It's what this card can indicate in it's interpretation, and if it does come up in a reading diplomacy, empathy, and sensitivity need to be used. Addiction or being in some kind of bondage, can and often does include a wide scope of things outside of ourselves. It's a topic many of us avoid or deny, and denial is often the hallmark of addiction. Usually everyone else knows before we do.

As in life and with each Tarot card there is both dark and light to be found in it's interpretation. I'm always on the look out when The Devil card appears for the questioner, because they might be dealing with some kind of addiction.

In my case, drawing this card today, is synchronicity at work, as it is my 22nd AA anniversary of being clean and sober, which I am so grateful for each and every sober day. I don't look for congratulatory comments. I once heard it said by a fellow long time recovering friend say, that giving an alcoholic a congratulatory medal is like giving a cowboy who has hemorrhoids, a medal for not getting back on his horse. I thought that was pretty funny, but I think he was right. Of course, I do acknowledge my sobriety, and have many medallions. I share my struggle with addiction, because  it may give someone else hope.

Addiction involves all kinds of "isms" and I still have a few. There is always lots of talk and controversy about when addiction begins, or if it is curable etc. To me that all just doesn't matter to me, because I understand my addiction, I know I'm an addict, and I know what I needed to do to get better, and what I need to continue to do to maintain contented sobriety.

 The best explanation of addiction I have ever heard came from Dr. Carl Jung. He called it "Spiritus contra spiritum" which is Latin  meaning,  "Spiritus" in Latin means both "alcohol" and "religious experience," while "contra" means "against." Carl Jung wrote this phrase to one of the founders, Bill W. of Alcoholics Anonymous and Jung described it as being,  "Attempting to fill a spiritual void with a material reality", is Jung's definition of addiction. Bill W. and Dr Bob felt that is was Dr. Carl Jung who enabled them to lay the foundation for the 12 Steps.

My desire for the drink or substances has gone, thank God, and I thank God for the 12 Step fellowship, that is second to none.

The Emperor - Is The World Unraveling?

The Emperor is the counter part to the Empress, though concerned with the inner world as opposed to the outer world. The Empress is the All-Mother, the Emperor is symbolic of the All-Father, creator of all the gods, a spiritual figure who concerns himself with high ideals, ethics and spiritual values.  He does have his dark side. Tyrannical authority can rear it's ugly head, where there is an abuse of power.

When I reflect on the very positive characteristics of the Emperor, he is a kind of the ideal of what men should be in this world. Unfortunately this is seldom the case, but there are some men that I can think of who set the bar high, and are men of integrity, great kindness, with a deep faith and belief in what is true and good. They stand for right, are defined by the courage of their deep spiritual convictions, to love their fellow human beings, and they set an example for others.

The world as we know it, can really seem like it is unraveling. I sure felt this way over the past few days watching the news, and it has not been the first time, nor the last time I am sure, I will feel the same way in the future.

 I could easily ask myself, where is God in all of this? What kind of a God allows for such tragic events to happen, and why is there such inhumanity toward humanity, and all living things?

It is difficult to make sense of it all, or to find some kind of resolution. My own personal experience is that sometimes the only resolution there is, is to accept that there is no resolution. I know this may sound hopeless and rather dissolute, and I might agree in some instances. It isn't the way I choose to think, in spite of what is going on around me in the world, because there is hope and that means a lot. Having hope is where acceptance enters our lives in knowing what we can and cannot change, and having the wisdom to know the difference, that is stated in the Serenity Prayer.

I am certainly not a Pollyanna, although I do love her. Rather pessimism, desolation and discouragement it is simply not a luxury I can afford, being a person in recovery from a disease of the emotions, alcoholism.

Today I recognize the things that upset me, and so I try hard to live by the law of spiritual progress, not perfection. I don't allow myself to be discouraged. I expect better things ahead, and try to be a part of the cure toward the world's ills, rather than be part of contributing to this malaise, and to be a force for good, much like a good mother and good father should be.

The Emperor - Egg Tempera on Porcelain Tile 12"x12" 2015, Catherine Meyers

The Emperor - Re-Parenting Yourself

To draw the Emperor, the Major Arcana card, is a sign of re-affirming strength for me today, in spite of feeling rather weak. Physical strength and power, are not always necessary or even wanted. I'd rather have inward strength of the a spiritual kind.

The Emperor ruled by Aries the Ram, provides a foundation from which to build upon, and though he can be as stubborn as a bull which can be his downfall, simultaneously, it can be his strength. When times get difficult it is this stubbornness that manifests in the form of the determination, perseverance and the endurance needed to overcome. He is a mentor, an example , and a strength to others who are struggling, and who need guidance. The Emperor can be counted on to help us, like an earthly father.

I have heard it said if you are finding it hard to have faith, then borrow someone else's. I've always loved this saying, and what it means to me is to lean on the strength of another, to help get you through whatever it is you are struggling with in life. This is what the Emperor archetype can do for us, as a symbol of inner strength, stability, guidance, and having a soft place to fall.

Many individuals grow up without the love and guidance of a father that is present, for one reason or another. This does not mean we cannot find others who can, and will provide guidance to us, especially in a spiritual sense.

I remember being told in a 12 Step program that I needed to learn to re-parent myself. I thought they were all crazy as bat crap, and I was mad as hell. I had this reaction because I had long felt I was always having to take care of others needs. I felt I'd always had to put my own needs on the back burner. Now, I was being told, no one was going to meet my needs but me. I didn't have a clue how to do this, and I felt very lost.

Growing up as a child I had unmet needs, and this is why I had such an adverse reaction to being told now I was responsible for meeting my own needs, and my own happiness.

Gradually, little by slowly, I learned what it meant to re-parent myself, and how to do this. There was nothing too easy about it, nor was I comfortable doing so, because deep down, I really didn't believe I deserved to get my needs met. I felt unworthy, and was lacking in self-worth. This is what happens to children who don't get there needs met. They grow up feeling unloved, unworthy, and undeserving of love. This mindset, full of negative inner messages of self-talk, often results in a cycle of abusive relationships and self-neglect, only to reinforce an already existing low self-esteem, and inability to care, and love oneself.

The Lovers - A Heinz 57 In The Shadow of the Beloved

The sign of Gemini, the twins, and my birth sign, are associated with The Lovers. Love, friendship, and partnership, are all suggested in this card. There is an implied duality of earthly and divine love. I see it as a push and pull tension between the two and having to make a decision.

I reflected today when I drew this card, on how I have always longed and searched all my life, for a relationship with divine love, but truthfully in the past, I was more preoccupied with earthly love. My search for the Divine involved attending Church, with my mother at a young age, which I know now, had planted the seeds of faith. I wasn't so much searching then, not until I hit puberty during my adolescence.

When I was 13, and a very troubled kid, I would often go to find solace, in a big Cathedral church that sat on top of the hill, overlooking the city where my family lived. I could find peace and comfort there. I loved the statues of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and felt a deep connection with her. Today I see why, because of my identification with the goddess.

 I then began to meagerly, explore Zen Buddhism, and soon went on to seriously involve myself with studying Christianity in a formal way at 18. I was soon baptized and confirmed as what is commonly known as an Anglo-Catholic, which has all the bells and smells of Roman Catholicism, minus the belief in the infallibility of the Pope, and a few other differing adherences.

Once I hit 30, I decided I had really always been very drawn to Catholicism, and so I converted, took all the classes, joined a church and became a Roman Catholic, prior to all the sexual abuse issues coming to light within the church. 

After several years of being a Catholic, and around the time I became a member of a 12 step program in the 80s, my ideas surrounding belief, slowly began to evolve, into what I would call less religious, and more spiritual. I came to realize I could no longer be a member of a church that was full of corruption, that embodied abuse, through power and control. I was finding spirituality and fellowship, that was second to none, in the rooms of recovery. I knew this is where I belonged.

At this stage of my life, I have a positive relationship with the Divine, that is about knowing the meaning of the God of my understanding, and feeling a deep sense of serenity, because of that understanding.

I am so blessed to have had a very open minded and loving mother, who never forced her religious beliefs, and let me find my own way. You might say I have been a Heinz 57 religiously.
My mother gently instilled and imparted her faith, gave me a sense of wrong and right, and a belief in God.  I am so very grateful that we were able to share our simple faith in those quiet moments, between mother and daughter, that have stayed close to my heart, all of my life, and always.

Carp Diem! - Ace of Wands

 I always love to see the Ace of Wands come up in the Tarot. New beginnings and inspiration, with the force of the creative imagination bursting and busting out! A very positive card that urges us to Carp Diem, seize the day and grab hold of your creative ideas and apply them in pursuit of a vision!

Well in spite of this affirming card I have to admit I can be one of the worst procrastinators when it comes to seizing the day, and getting certain things done resulting in restlessness and dissatisfaction. I have over the years, worked hard trying to change my proclivity to procrastination.  Frankly, I see it as being familiar to the disease of alcoholism, in many ways.

I once was told by a fellow 12 Step member, procrastination is like masturbation, because the only person you screw is yourself! True, but there are others who can be greatly affected by our own individual procrastination, whether we are aware of it or not. Creditors, family members, friends, employers, to name a few, all can be causalities, and on the front lines of our private war with procrastination. Most of all we disappoint and hurt ourselves.

The best way I have found to cope with, if not overcome procrastination, is in the same way I learned to cope with my own addiction. Seek help, reach out, and take it one day at a time. Applying the 12 Steps to life can work for everyone I believe, regardless of their struggle. There is always hope for the hopeless, living one day at a time.

Temperance - Finding Our Center

Before my recovery in the 12 step program temperance was not something I knew how to practice, no matter how I tried, I was always going to extremes. I lived with an all or nothing attitude and behaviour.

Here we meet the beautiful angel Iris in the Major Arcana card of Temperance, linked to the Zodiac sign of Sagittarius. Temperance represents the mixing of elements within ourselves and our relationships.

The card indicates good health in a holistic and balanced manner, that promotes moderation, and control in the way we live life. Living our lives in harmony and cooperation improves our relationship with ourselves and with others.

Though Justice and Temperance appear as opposites, they are also complimentary. Iris is kind, loving and merciful. Athene (Justice) is reflective, rational, and in her judgement she fights for principles, over passion, holding her instincts in control, being fair and objective. Her thought is not based on her personal feelings, but an impartial, objective assessment.

Justice and Temperance can be seen as enemies that exist within us, and how they are manifested in the way we approach life. Perhaps we allow our heart to dominate, or we are ruled always by reason and intellect, when what we need, is to find our center, a balanced heart and approach; integrating abstract truth, with the heart.

Kabbalah Tree of Life - Pastel, Coloured Pencil - 2010 - Catherine Meyers

Why The Mythic Tarot?

I love using The Mythic Tarot deck, for readings, by Juliet-Sharman-Burke, Liz Greene, and illustrated by the very talented artist and illustrator Tricia Newell.  Liz Greene is professional astrologer and a Jungian analyst. Juliet-Sharman-Burke is a qualified analytic psychotherapist.

This deck is generally based on Greek mythology, Jungian psychology, story, ancient images, and archetypal design. I have been using this deck and reference book, for approximately three and a half years. Prior to this, I was using the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, which is the most commonly and very popular deck used among Tarot readers.

There are numerous decks to choose from, and I have to say I still have more decks to find, that are on my wish list. Right now I am very attached and drawn to the Mythic Tarot for several reasons. Firstly, I have always been very fascinated and intrigued with Greek myths from the time I was a child.

Secondly, as a person in recovery  for 20 years and a member of a 12 step program, this deck fits who I am, and with the 12 Step program. As well, Dr. Carl Jung, his psychology and spiritual beliefs, greatly influenced the early beginnings of Alcoholic Anonymous, and directly relate to the philosophy of the 12 Step program. I am passionate about anything related to Jungian psychology.

Thirdly, the archetypes in Greek mythology exist within the human psyche, and are connected to Jung's ideas and beliefs. My study of The Mythic Tarot has resulted in a deeper understanding, and appreciation of the wisdom and meaning of the Tarot, Greek mythology, and archetypes within the psyche. I have a great passion for The Mythic Tarot and highly recommend it for anyone interested in Greek mythology, and Jungian psychology.
 

La Larona/The Weeping Woman Egg Tempera On Panel 2012 Catherine Meyers