Five of Wands - Who's Afraid of Monsters?

 In the Five of Wands Jason's fighting the big old ugly monster dragon that's guarding the Golden Fleece, but he's got help from his helper and lover Medea. We all need to find that soft place to fall, someone who can help us battle our demons and dragons. We don't have to do it on our own and today I thank God for that.

 Life will always find some kind of monster like dragon that stands in our way when we're trying to achieve our goals, but with the help, love and support from those that care and love us, in small or in big ways, this is what makes the difference in overcoming, if we are willing to humbly ask for help, or allow them to help us when they offer.

 The other important factor that makes all the difference is my attitude, which has to be a positive one if I'm going to accomplish my goals. And so this New Year I am going to back up my intentions with action instead of simple good intentions which the road to hell can be paved with as we say in the rooms of recovery.

 Though I've been sober twenty three 23 years today,  I still fight my monsterous dragons, that will never change. It's just called life. Today I live life on life's terms. I fight with myself over my procrastination and lack of motivation, because it's always been all or nothing with me, but I've made a lot progress along the way.

 Today I decided I'd go take the hour long walk to my mail box. Understand this can be a real drag for someone who struggles with motivation, especially when it comes to exercising outside in the Winter, because I don't like the cold and I'm just spleeny that way. I've stopped trying to embrace Winter as they say, and just could never get my head around that.

 As I started on my walk to the Super Box Mail Dragon, my neighbour picked me up and gave me a lift! I admit I was glad with the cold wind in my face and by the time I got back I was in serious need of using the facilities, which is so much more comfortable in my own house, as opposed to behind a bush in the woods, in the middle of no where.

 My mail box used to be directly across the road from my house, but now Canada Post in it's great wisdom, in spite of the numerous protests, decided they know how to "best serve" their customers. Before I get off on a tangent, I'll just say this about that.

 I've only been to pick up my mail twice in four weeks since they brought in the new super mail boxes. So instead of seeing this in a negative, I'm trying very hard to see it as a positive. I'll have something to look forward to at the end of my long walk (mail) I hope, like I did today.

 I heard it said once, the definition of an alcoholic is someone who always has to have something to look forward too. And if there isn't any mail, I'll be losing some weight and will feel better about myself mind, body and soul. This I know is the right attitude.

 I was happy to find Christmas cards and even a Christmas cake from my cousin, who happens to work for Canada Post and also is my mailman, but I won't blame him for that! And who doesn't love Christmas cake ;)

So, I'll to take my own advice. I'll keep asking for help when I need it and I'll be hanging on to that positive attitude while weaving the stuff of spirit and heart into my daily life.

Procrastination Monster

The Hermit - My Default Setting

The Hermit is a great example of how, and where to find a resource for serenity, peace of mind, and inner strength. I had a sleep deprived past four days, late nights with very early mornings and was having some real anxiety about a few things. This is not a good combination and makes me think of the old acronym and tool for self-care, and are often indicators of what is bothering us and why. I heard it many years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for being too hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I could describe myself as being three out of these four states this past week up until today.

I've always had an aversion toward dentists and considering the expense, I just could not afford to go and get my teeth looked after. It was easy to procrastinate, which only complicates matters.. This caused me a lot of negative feelings surrounding my self-esteem and sometimes a low level depression.  I would even have frequent dreams about loosing my teeth, and so it weighed heavily on my mind.

This month I had to finally give in and find the courage within myself to address some serious dental problems and go for an appointment. This circumstance all added to my anxiety and stress. Before my appointment I practiced breathing, positive self-talk, prayer, and talking to a close friend about my dentist aversion, and phobia. I had to draw upon what I'll call my "Inner Hermit" for strength. It paid off, and I got through the ordeal. I admit my nerves were a little frayed afterward, due to the combination of being hungry, lonely, tired and just to top it off, to make my condition complete, I met up with someone I don't much like, who insulted me, and filled that angry space, left in the acronym, by making a tactless comment about my "buck teeth". I laugh about it now, but I could have easily lashed back with a remark reflecting resentment. Resentment is not a luxury I can afford., and what would be the point. I prefer to draw on my inner hermit, which I think has mostly become my default setting.

Tonight I'm 100 % improved. I had a good supper, I reached out to talk to a good friend, and plan on having a restful sleep. Oh, and I'll be flossing and brushing!

King of Wands - I Was Dreaming,Then I Got Off My Bum

This is the second day in a row of picking the King of Wands from my daily draw. My online fellow Tarot blogger By The Sycamore Tree, drew the same card today. I really liked, and appreciated her interpretation of the King of Wands. So I got the message loud and clear today.

 I had been procrastinating which I'm really good at, by the way. I have been procrastinating getting my Christmas decorating done. I could have made a number of excuses why I didn't get at it, and maybe soon found myself in a Christmas funk. But with great purpose, I ignored my inner Grinch, and so I got to it, and at it this afternoon. I cleaned, well that's a relative term I use loosely. Then I opened up my Christmas box, filled with all my Christmas ornies. I actually enjoyed myself, and now that it's done I am feeling a little bit in the Christmas Spirit, well a little more than a little.

As long as I go with the flow, embrace my feelings good, and not so good feelings, it's an easier time for me I find, to move forward, especially at Christmas. So many troubles, and tragedy in the world, and it can all get you down. You can begin to think it isn't such a beautiful world, that perhaps there are no more beautiful people, especially this time of year. But after all is said and done, it is still a beautiful world, and there are many beautiful people on this earth.

I am so very grateful to be alive, for my life, for beautiful friends and family, to be able to celebrate is a such blessing. So this is what I concentrate on, and I'm glad I got off my bum!

Carp Diem! - Ace of Wands

 I always love to see the Ace of Wands come up in the Tarot. New beginnings and inspiration, with the force of the creative imagination bursting and busting out! A very positive card that urges us to Carp Diem, seize the day and grab hold of your creative ideas and apply them in pursuit of a vision!

Well in spite of this affirming card I have to admit I can be one of the worst procrastinators when it comes to seizing the day, and getting certain things done resulting in restlessness and dissatisfaction. I have over the years, worked hard trying to change my proclivity to procrastination.  Frankly, I see it as being familiar to the disease of alcoholism, in many ways.

I once was told by a fellow 12 Step member, procrastination is like masturbation, because the only person you screw is yourself! True, but there are others who can be greatly affected by our own individual procrastination, whether we are aware of it or not. Creditors, family members, friends, employers, to name a few, all can be causalities, and on the front lines of our private war with procrastination. Most of all we disappoint and hurt ourselves.

The best way I have found to cope with, if not overcome procrastination, is in the same way I learned to cope with my own addiction. Seek help, reach out, and take it one day at a time. Applying the 12 Steps to life can work for everyone I believe, regardless of their struggle. There is always hope for the hopeless, living one day at a time.

Five of Wands - Awakened

I haven't been able to get to my blog the past few days. I've been busy battling the dragon like Jason. It felt like the dragon was winning. This card describes exactly what I have being experiencing. But the dragon-fight is with myself. Fighting ourselves can be the worst kind of battle when " the powers of the earth resist change "

I have been experiencing  'regressive inertia'. It has been more than a rut, but a combination of things that have resulted in me avoiding, procrastinating, and resisting reality. All this has collided with my creative energy, but now it's come to an apex and I am ready to accommodate reality and my imagination.

The Feminine energy of the High Priestess helped Jason and I must trust my intuition and my instincts and allow them to help me do the right thing, so I can grow and achieve my goals.

I have heard it said, and have experienced myself, in various situations, using the metaphor, of how the last mile of the race is the hardest, because you are exhausted, feeling overwhelmed, and want to give up. This is were faith, courage, trust, persistence and prayer come in for me. No one said a good life would be easy, but it is worth fighting for. 

Ace of Wands - Creative Vision & Imagination

Well this it the card for me today. Here he is, Zeus, the King of the Gods, with the Golden Fleece over his shoulder, and his great big wand! Wands are the suit of action and energy, signifying growth. He embodies the symbol of creative vision, and the power of the imagination within us, which sometimes, we just can't quite seem to grasp. I have learned that I must trust that creative power, and take risks with new ideas, and embark upon the great journey into the world of creative vision and imagination.

Only one problem, motivation is a factor when it comes to " gettin' at it and to it ". That's me today. Letting other issues get in the way, and just plain procrastination. All creatives struggle with this periodically.
The more you talk about it the less you do, this is what can happen. Zeus he may be the King of Wands, embodying creative vision and imagination but sometimes I feel like the Queen of procrastination embodying coffee, sloth and loathing!

I have a whole new project start. So I'd better shut up and get to it, and at it, " so the day does not go down in debt. " as Leonard Cohen said.