Four of Swords - The Antidote to Self-Doubt - The Authentic Turn-On

Tomorrow I have an ultra sound. I've been stressing about it, along with the impending Winter, which of course is such a useless waste of my energy. I get frustrated and impatient with myself when I worry, and start spinning my wheels.
So after some reflective reading I've come to a more peaceful place in my mind, and am feeling better in knowing I can trust myself to be strong and overcome my self-doubt.

Something I received this morning was these wise words of Regena Thomashauer ( Mama Gena ). I don't know where she finds this wisdom, but I am grateful she does because her words, are timely and much appreciated. The email was about the antidote to self-doubt, and this morning I drew the Four of Swords, that indicates the following. characteristic behaviours.

• Inner reflection
• Balance
• Clarity of thought
• Wholeness
• Contemplation
• Letting go
• Introspection
• Inner vision

Here is what Regena Thomashauer means by having an authentic turn-on, and it is the antidote to self-doubt.

"But the experience of authentic turn-on goes much, much deeper:

• You feel a sense of your own aliveness and your life force
• You know that your spirit and your body are one
• Your native enthusiasm is intact
• Your ability to reach for pleasure is on—especially when it seems hard
• You’re in your right mind and your highest power
• You’re you—full, complete and whole

Once planted in her authentic turn-on, a woman begins to grow. Kind of like the way you just trust a tree to grow.

A turned on woman learns she can deeply trust herself. She pays attention to her desires, and treats them as her road map.

Indecision vaporizes.
 
She can truly feel her deep yes and her deep no.
She relaxes into the unknown, rather than forcing or muscling her way through life.
She knows she can handle obstacles, and understands that each one forces her to expand in new ways.
She experiences the divine in everything, especially herself.

Within you, within me and within each woman is the source of our own power. 
 
She is our antidote to shame, and the wellspring of our deepest intuition.
She is our divinity, our spiritual center, the timeless point of our attraction, and our power source.
She teaches us that our joy is serious business.
She is anchored to our truth.
She teaches us our unshakable confidence."



The divinity and our spiritual center Regena Thomashauer speaks of, is The Empress, the Great Earth Mother.

The Hierophant - Come Out of Your Cave

This Major Arcana card, The Hierophant is one that causes me to reflect, which I do a lot of anyway,  however the kind of reflection this card symbolizes, is urging more than the kind of introspection that is your stereotypical navel gazing, or even meditation. It calls for us to examine not only our relationship with our spiritual selves, but also our interconnection and interdependence with others and within the world of  community.

It also calls for us to have a deeper broader vision, both inward and outwardly, so that we figure out a way to reach out to our fellow sisters and brothers, to make the world a better place. Expecting to stay isolated and happy within the safety our cave is unrealistic.

When I first came into recovery 21 years ago, I only felt really happy when I was inside the rooms of recovery. I felt safe and I knew that I belonged. People "got me", and that's why 12 Step programs work, we understand one another.

 Reality and living daily life was and is difficult. I was living and studying on working horse farm everyday, with a small group of people and I had to learn how to cope without running away through the use and abuse of alcohol. I had to find the strength to cope with each person, and whatever was happening around me in an unusual and very challenging environment, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Where my recovery really counted, and if it was going to work I had to learn how to approach living in the world. I couldn't stay inside the safe and rather utopic environment in my imagination.

I learned to forgive and accept, to love, and to be compassionate toward myself, and toward others. I was able to develop my own personal philosophy, an individual vision that guides me like Chiron the centaur, the healer, priest and wise teacher that urges us, and I came out of my cave.

Four of Swords - Living Alone

 
Yesterday was a busy day for me, today is not, and I am glad of that. It's a good feeling, and  a gift to me, to know I don't have anywhere I have to be, and I can choose to do nothing if I want.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about living alone, as opposed to living with a partner. After many years of single life, I seriously wonder if I'd ever be able to live with anyone, or even if I want to. I love my solitude, my own space, and my own home, are some of the many advantages I enjoy of being single, and living alone. Of course there are pros and cons to living alone, or having to live with another.

Women seem to fair better being on their own then men, and I found an interesting article about it in the Huffington Post called, Women Living Alone. 

The Four of Swords speaks of taking a break, being at peace, reflecting and withdrawing from the business of life, and the noisy chatter inside the mind. Being retired I spend a lot of days to do just this, which feeds my creativity, and inner spiritual life. If I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, didn't enjoy my own company, I'd never be able to do this. Mind you, it can get noisy in my head. Not that I hear voices, just my inner critic.

The way I feel today, I am enjoying solitude, and withdrawal, with rainy weather, though the sun has come out again, regardless, I am taking the time to withdraw and accept the solitude, because today it feels good for my soul.. Heck I might even have a nap! Probably not, because, I don't do naps these days, but if I did I could! Instead I'll get outside and enjoy the beautiful Spring weather, because the geese have arrived and they mate for life. Wished I was a goose.

Ace of Pentacles - I Vant To Be Alone

There is a report on a scientific study done, which was published in Science Magazine, that has found that there are people who would prefer giving themselves electrical shock over sitting alone in a room doing nothing!

Here's a quote from the article.

" In 11 studies, we found that participants typically did not enjoy spending 6 to 15 minutes in a room by themselves with nothing to do but think, that they enjoyed doing mundane external activities much more, and that many preferred to administer electric shocks to themselves instead of being left alone with their thoughts. Most people seem to prefer to be doing something rather than nothing, even if that something is negative. "

That sounds pretty crazy. But I am not really so surprised, knowing we are presently living in a busy society of human doings rather than human beings, in pursuit of stuff and things.

Many of us are not comfortable in our own skins, constantly trying to find peace, happiness, and contentment outside ourselves or on accumulating things. We don't believe that a withdrawal from the busyness, sitting quietly with our thoughts doing nothing, could ever be beneficial, especially because it feels so foreign and uncomfortable.  We often are defined by what we do, rather than by who we are as individuals

During Lent and leading up to Easter, is a time I naturally withdraw into myself in reflection, taking a kind of self-inventory. Easter seems to have gotten absorbed into more of a consumer holiday, filled with chocolate bunnies, candy, eggs, consuming copious amounts of food,  and even gift giving.

The Ace of Pentacles in the Mythic Tarot is embodied by Poseidon, who points the way. He is the father of all the waters, the god of the sea, and of the earth's surface, lord of all the universe rising out of the ocean, where we all come from, and he symbolizes the inner most representation of our creative selves. 'Husband of the earth' is the meaning of his name, the fertility god, who's creative energy is turned downward into our world.

The Ace of Pentacles is husband of the great Earth Mother, Demeter or The Empress. Pentacles, symbolic of the receptive Earth, which is the element of patience, stability, commitment, discipline, permanence and strength. These are all qualities needed that enable us to find our meaning, purpose and happiness, and we can find them, when we take time to be alone with our thoughts, with the right energy we can create the fertile ground, for the promise of good things to come.

Four of Swords - Making Time To 'Chillax'

The Four of Swords was a welcome card this morning, signifying a time for rest, relaxation and some serious chillaxin'. I am more than ready for that, to take a mental break of sorts from myself and my thoughts. It is a great feeling to be back painting again, because I never feel right when I can't seem to get to it, and at it. I don't feel myself and I am off kilter. Now that I've got my groove back, I really can relax and channel my creative energy.

 As adults, we often get bogged down with trying to navigate life, we can get too busy being a grown-up and forget to play and just have fun. Making art should be fun. Or for that matter any work that we do should be at least enjoyable, if not always fun.

Taking time to relax allows for reflection and recuperation to build up strength in reserve in preparation for future efforts and to put order into our lives. But Instead of taking time, I really need to make the time, and make it a priority in order to gain some serenity after the storm.

The Four of Swords coincides with the New Super Moon in Aquarius, which started yesterday. It is a time of having new energy, beginnings and fresh starts, a time of rebirth and growth. Clear intentions, being honest with myself, releasing my ego, and letting go of self-sabotage is a good foundation for the life I want.

Finding The Light In The Dark - Ten of Wands

There are those of us who are afraid of the darkness, or find it oppressive and depressing. Some embrace the darkness, especially those who live in the North. They find a beauty, and peace in the dark of the North, that many Southerners may never experience or fully understand. I was blessed to have been able to have lived in Northern Canada for three years. Initially it was an adjustment, but I adapted quickly to the lack of daylight. I will say the excess of light in the Summer months made up for it, and because of this, I actually found it more of an adjustment when I moved back to the South,  if you can call Nova Scotia being the 'South'.

An over active imagination can contribute to our fears of the dark, but if we can learn to embrace the darkness we will eventually find the light, and be able to overcome our fear of the unknown.

Upon first impression, the Ten of Wands, the last numbered card of the suit of Wands, gives a feeling of heavy oppression, because it speaks of taking on too much, and feeling overwhelmed. We have lost enthusiasm for our once new creative project or undertaking. Here we see Jason surrounded, and bound by burning Wands, with the Golden Fleece on the ground, and the once great Argos is beached and wrecked in the background. You would expect a different scenario after Jason's accomplishment.

Being surrounded by the burden of the Wands on fire, we ask ourselves, what now, and how am I going to get out of this situation? Will I ever get back to were I was once was creatively? We all experience what some call creative blocks, or what I call a kind of spiritual dryness where depression can follow a particular creative or happier time. Often when we are feeling oppressed, this can lead to suppression, and eventually unconscious to repression all this can stifle our creativity, and happiness.

We may feel like, some how we have lost our way, and are out of touch with ourselves, maybe we are feeling burnt out, under the weight of many burdens.
Although this fire can hurt us, if we let it, it still provides us with a light that points to the way out, and can illuminate our path on the pilgrimage of life.


For me, the Winter Solstice is the time to deeply reflect, take an inventory of my life at present, to prioritize, and to apply the slogan, ' first things first'. I need to discern what it is I need to unburden myself from, and perhaps add to, or reorganize my life in order to restore my vision.

When we hit the darkest low points in life, I do believe, we can only go down so far, before we begin to come back up, as my strong mother, and wise mentor would always say, in so many words.  The darkest hour is truly just before the dawn, when the restorative life giving warmth of the sun, will come shining through.

This past year has been a difficult one for me personally, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Today seemed to be the culmination of a rough past two weeks. As I was writing this post, there came a knock at the door, and I found a very dear, kind friend, who reached out in generousity, and I was overwhelmed with emotion, in  great gratitude.

The Crescent Moon Bear- Catherine Meyers

Getting Smart With Discernment - Five of Pentacles

This card looks a little ominous and dark as Daedalus is skulking off after having to leave and let go of his material success and position. Most importantly what he has lost, is faith in himself.

He has been left with, is an opportunity to deal with all of his troubles the loss that was self-inflicted, but he can begin again and transformation and real happiness is now possible.

There are several important lessons and messages in this card. It is said for every action there is a reaction, according to Newton's law of motion. Our perception and insight can get obstructed by other things that we  put before our values, and we can loose our way. Then we pay the consequences for our action, leaving us without faith in ourselves or whatever we thought we had gained materially and unhappy.

Discernment is the most essential strength, skill and emotional intelligence I can have, when making decisions in all areas of my life.

Seven of Pentacles - Decision

The Seven of Pentacles represents material progress here and some difficult decision is to be made, in this situation. The opportunity to take a new direction is presented to you, and there is a need for reflection on what you have achieved, and obtained up to this point, take an inventory, so you can decide what direction you want, or need to take in the future.

 There is often risk in taking new opportunities. If you decide to not engage in risk, you may take the safer softer way, but may find yourself stagnating, and unhappy.
Taking a break to contemplate, is a good idea, in order to evaluate, and assess your present circumstance.

You reap just what you sow, which you have done. Enjoy the fruit and rewards of your efforts, however take some time to assess with care and forethought, to make certain you are achieving your goals.