Ace of Pentacles - Winter Blues Vs Spring Fever

Poseidon the fertility god, is embodied in the The Ace of Pentacles. He's the Earth Mother's main squeeze,  the general manager, and lord of the universe. He makes things happen, and shakes things up, with new creative visions, and material creation, and achievement.
This card  also indicates scratch, moola, cash, or some kind of material  success, and that growth is on it's way.

I know I have been fighting the Winter Blues, coupled with my fear of financial insecurity as an artist, because there are always more expenses in Winter, and being an artist is not such a lucrative profession, unless you are an artist like Damien Hirst. But Winter really is soon going to be over, and being the end of month, I finally got some dough, which certainly is a welcome site in my mail box. Happily, am now finding my art blog is at long last, starting to make me a little money that is trickling in, which is very promising, after working diligently at it, for 7 years.

I was so grateful this morning to see my neighbour plowing my long lane out again, after another storm  from yesterday. I was so happy to see him, because after what for me was such a very long month, in spite of it being the shortest month of the year, I am going to be able to get to town tomorrow.

I put some much needed transmission fluid into my car this morning, that I bought yesterday at the store. I call my car Margret. She stopped doing the 'The Shake' and seems to be behaving in a respectful manner again, for now. The old gal has a some high mileage, so I don't have any unrealistic expectations of her.

 Not much wonder I have been feeling shack wacky. When I got out on the road very early yesterday to go to the local country store, before another storm arrived, it was then I realized I hadn't been able get out of the house, just to the store in Advocate, since February 4th. I mean, I could go outside, but with the frigid temperatures and storms, I wasn't going out to frolic in the snow and risk nostricles! The shortest month was beginning to feel like the very longest, but Spring is just 22 days away!

The Ace of Pentacles has an very hopeful, positive message for me today. Something has shifted, and that I can actualize the promises of creative vision, material creation, and achievement.
My thoughts are no longer of Winter Blues but of Spring Fever!

Wild Flowers- Egg Tempera, Catherine Meyers

I Found My Inner Empress at the Paradise Restaurant

I am back to feeling like the goddess that I am. This is what the Empress message is, for me today. I went through a test, and I passed. Whew it was a rough one.
The Empress I think is a little like Eve, before the 'Fall'. She may be tested and tempted, but the Empress unlike Eve, doesn't Fall, though she does have her shadow side like we all do, she is full of practical wisdom, full of love, and creative imagination. She signifies, reflects and reminds us of both our spiritual and earthly nature.

What do I mean by saying I am a goddess? I don't intend or expect to be worshiped. Though I would to be grateful to have a King to my Queen! But, this is not what I am talking about at all. It is about acknowledging the divine within myself. Knowing, believing, and understanding that I truly am a spiritual being, having a human experience.

We all have the capacity to be divine souls, and even angels, though we may not know, understand, or believe this to be so. I have met many angels in human form, and they do walk among us, seen and unseen.

No one gets through life without experiencing the metaphorical walk through the coals of fire in life. Some walks seem harder, and there is no point in judging another, until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Nor is it useful to compare our difficulty, struggle or pain with others. The acceptance, and willingness to learn, to even embrace, whatever it is we are facing from day to day isn't easy, but it can be done, by drawing on our deep inner resources, in the depth of our divine souls.

I want to tell you about one of the angels I met, and he saved me from myself.
Almost thirty five years ago, I was a young 27 year old young woman and I tragically lost the love of my life, my late husband Bill, that I had been married to only four months. He suffered from brittle diabetes, and paranoid schizophrenia and died at 26.

 I was deeply depressed, and very close to the edge. I wanted my life to end. The thought of how my suicide would devastate my family, I knew I could never take my own my life.  So I drowned my sorrow in booze, and tried to escape into successive, destructive relationships, trying to fill that desperate gaping hole, of loss and loneliness. There was a young man I met one night after leaving a dance at the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design, where this young man and I where were both students. I had been running around in such an emotional mess of despair and chaos. I was at my lowest point in my life.

 As I headed home, walking down the street, he called out to me, saying he liked my red cowboy boots. I didn't know this young man, but we started up a conversation. He was so happy, like a ray of sunshine that had suddenly took away my shadows. We walked and talked, until early morning, when he asked if he could buy me breakfast at an all night diner in downtown Halifax, that many art students would often frequent in the wee hours of the morning. It was such a unique hole in the wall, and ironically it was called, Paradise. It had a rich history dating all the back from the 30s which lasted right into the 80s. Originally the Paradise was the Crouse's Restaurant, considered one of Halifax's finest dining establishments. It wasn't exactly that, when I was there, but it certainly was a memorable experience every time you went, and the breakfast was wonderful that special morning, with all the fixins.

After the Crouse's Restaurant closed, it changed ownership, becoming Mader's, and I've included the menu ( lots of fish), even fresh moose steak! It is actually quite similar to the Paradise menu. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any photos of the Paradise, which was first opened in the 60s. I'm sure this is when they must have come up with the infamous Fish Dog. It closed shortly after, in the 80s, which sadly, heralded the end of Paradise.

When you walked inside the Paradise, first thing you noticed were two very large, hand painted murals covering each wall, end to end, with Adam and Eve before, and after the fall. They even had the fig leaves over their naughty bits! I always felt good being there. The paintings were hilarious, and made me laugh. It was kind of like nostalgically going back in time.

 Jute boxes adorned each booth, and it had a greasy spoon kind of unique menu. If you were really brave, you could order a Fish Dog! I never was brave enough, cause well, it really just didn't sound right. The waitresses were all characters right out of novel, or from a CODCO skit, most of whom were from very rural parts of Nova Scotia, come to work hard, in the big city.

Eric, the angel and I talked for hours, heart to heart. I cried, he listened, cared and loved me, when I couldn't do that for myself. He made me laugh so hard, I soon forgot my problems, and started to feel so much better. We became good friends after that night for several years, until finally we both left for different parts of the country, and I never saw him again.

 I lost touch with Eric. After looking several times, I have never been able to find him. He's comes to me in dreams, and once I felt so certain that he was in Halifax, but I never got to find out if he was, as I was living in another city by then. I think of him often, and wished I could find him to thank him for saving me from myself, when I did not believe, know or understand, that I am a spiritual being, having a human experience. Eric helped me to see this, and I am so grateful to him for being my angel.

I still wear those old 35 year old red cowboy boots, that I bought in Toronto, where I first met my late husband Bill, the angel who watches over me now.

My Old Boots - Catherine Meyers

We Are All Worm Poo - Four of Swords

This morning my frustrations caused me to ask a specific question before I drew my daily card. I was feeling impatient. I was wanting the answer to my question to, what I wanted to hear. 

The Creator has a sense of humour.. We might not appreciate that, but it's true, and this is a good reminder, to wear the world as a loose garment, not to take ourselves too seriously or allowing ourselves to be too bothered by what is happening in our own lives, getting our underwear in a big knot.

It is my experience that, if can only focus on being truly grateful, this keeps me humble.
This sounds a lot easier than it is. It takes practice, soul practice I'll call it.

I always remember one of those life changing kind of books I read, The Spirituality of Imperfection by
Kurtz and Ketcham. Ernie Kurtz relayed a story about the root of the words humour, humility, and human. The root of each word is humus, which means worm poo. This made me laugh. It has always really helped me to remember these three words, and to keep them at the forefront of my mind. Applying these words to myself helps me to accept life, on life's terms, which has become my way of living, and as Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said:

 And so again today I drew the Four of Wands, twice in one week, with the same message, don't get your underwear in a knot. I smiled and had a little chuckle, and just got on with my day.

Strength - "Learn to live in the springtime of life."

Oh boy God give me strength, is definitely my prayer today! Without going into personal details, it's been a difficult week. I certainly have faith my prayers are being answered, but oh not fast enough! But I don't have control over that as much as I wished I did. Like my grade nine Geography used to say under her breath, before we completely drove her over the edge. "Patience is a virtue."

We had more snow this morning, the power went out again today for two hours, and tonight it is going down to a freakin' freezin' yer grannie's preserves, -36. I'm grateful the power didn't go down when it was starting to get dark, cause I am running out of candles! One nerve left a old man Winter, and you're on it!

Meantime, I decided, during the two hours without power, I would study my personal reading, that I did yesterday for myself. I carefully went through  each card with my Mythic Tarot workbook to connect the dots. I had just scratched the surface with my intuitive reading, but was on the right track.

Today I was really in need of some guts. Or if you prefer intestinal fortitude, strength. After close reflection and study of each card in my personal reading, I found it to be extremely strengthening and empowering. Not that is surprises me, because the cards always give me strength, but it was pretty darned amazing. My reading has helped me a lot. It clarified things, and will give me strength to get through the next few days, and it can all really can be summed up in the Strength card, that I have drawn today. The Strength card urges me to have courage, strength, and self-discipline in order to be successful, and to get to a place of transformation, within the next three to six months. I have work to do, a little at a time, which is a good thing, because it would be easy for me to get overwhelmed, and self-sabotage.

We all have our own road to walk , and I want to think it is a road where it is always springtime.
In my book of Sutras,  I wrote this down from one of my daily readings books, Twenty -Four Hours For Everyone. I don't know who said it originally, but I love it.

" Learn to live in the springtime of life"

The Red Road - Catherine Meyers

Intuition Is Your Soul

I am really working at developing my ability to do readings by way of my intuition. I have been studying the Tarot for going on nine years now. I was never interested in memorizing each individual card. This is not what makes the good Tarot reader, and is a very boring way to learn about Tarot. Besides, my memory has never been my strong point, and memorization is not learning.

Learning how to develop a relationship with the cards is the best way for me to grow, and develop confidence, as a reader. This is why I draw a card everyday and study it. I become more familiar with each card, and each time I draw the same card,  I see it from a different and deeper perspective. Repetition is the way to learn a skill. It's all about the practice.

It is important to challenge myself in ways that I would describe as being adventurous, that takes me out of my comfort zone, kind of like without a safety net, in that I am not relying so much on my workbooks or what I have studied.

Over the past nine years of learning about Tarot I have tried hard to use my intuition when doing readings, combined with what I have learned through study. I am now feeling I do not have to rely so much on the basic knowledge I have learned in hard copy, through my study, because it has become more internalized, and I can now begin to increase, and use the gift of intuition to interpret the cards. Everyone has this gift. It is not some sort of gnosis that only a select few have. We can all can develop intuition if we trust it. The more we trust our intuitive abilities, the stronger it grows.

Today I decided I would do a reading for myself, the Celtic Cross, completely intuitively. I wrote my the cards down, and each interpretation into my Tarot journal for future reference. I was specific in my question and I got specific answers. It isn't always easy to do a reading for yourself because sometimes it may be difficult to be objective, but I think if you can be objective, it is a great way to practice. I felt good about how a read for myself, as I think my intuitive reading was pretty accurate. I haven't looked yet at my Mythic Tarot workbook to compare what it says, with my intuitive reading.

Here are the ten cards I drew for the Celtic Cross reading. These interpretations are my immediate impressions of the cards. I'll add some more in depth information tomorrow for my own reference and practice. The reading covers a period up to six months.

1. Significator - Ten of Pentacles
I am thinking and longing for stability within my home life.

 2.Crossing Card - Four of Wands
 I am per-occupied with wanting and needing to find the strengths that Jason's friends brought to help him with his goal on the quest for the Golden Fleece.

3. Crowning Card - Nine of Cups
A card of the emotions, celebrating a relationship with myself

 4. Base of the Matter - Queen of Cups
I drink deeply from the cup of life.

5. Past Influences - Eight of Swords
I have been tormented by trouble and struggles in the recent past.

6. Forthcoming Influences - Nine of Pentacles
There is prosperity ahead. I will reap the rewards and recognition for my effort.

7. Where One Finds Oneself - Two of Wands
There is balance in my creative efforts.

8. View of Others - The Fool
Seen as open, positive and optimistic, taking on the challenges that lie ahead

9. Hopes and Fears -Six of Wands
I want the Golden Fleece. I want to grow, to be confident, and  to find adventure.

10. Final Outcome - Six of Cups
I am nostalgic about the past, I accept what has been, the way things are presently, this is what enables me to move forward

Four of Swords - Contemplation Vs Shack Whackiness

Here's Orestes, sitting peacefully in front of the patterned swords. He's contemplating, and I would love to know what is going through his mind. Having gone through some really tough times lately, he is in serious need of a time out, to recharge his batteries, to get a re-boot and an oil change!
The Four of Swords indicates, it's time for break.

In the Winter, there are many forms of being shack whacky, and simultaneously, if you are going through tough times like Orestes, you have to try and work with what you have, going with the flow, whatever you want to call it, until you can get your mojo workin' again. I think this is the secret to marshaling run away thoughts, and putting some order into the chaos of life, which by the way, with me, exists mostly if not all, in my in my mind. Whether it be through meditation, prayer, creating art, writing, reading, going for a walk, talking to a friend, playing with your cat or whatever works, I say do that!.

Thank goodness Spring is only a month away. Not being a person who partakes in Winter outdoor activities, my natural tendency is to withdraw, and become introspective inside my house, close to the wood stove. So the Four of Swords suits me just fine right now.

I am not talking about just sittin' around contemplating on my belly button lint, and chanting Om. I am talking about taking advantage of the down time, in order to replenish spiritually, through mindfulness, contemplation and prayer, which helps to keep me calm, and focused on the present, regardless of what is happening. Sometimes this is the only thing to do when the weather seems to be the 'big event' that everyone is talking about right now. I don't want to talk about the weather! I have other fish to fry, and this last stretch of Winter is a real good time for withdrawal and contemplation, that supplies inner resources, to carry me forward.

Yesterday I made a commitment to have a show in June, the week of my Birthday, like I did last year. The preparation for this exhibit will help me to really get focused on my art work, knowing I have a timeline and the commitment. Working on this project right now, will also give more order to my thoughts, and to my life, which the Four of Swords speaks about.

When we are going through difficulties, no matter what they are, we instinctively seek a quiet place in order to take inventory, but often we don't recognize how it is important to value this time for reflection, being caught up in the busyness of daily life.

Sometimes it seems easier just to forget about the whole damn mess, because we'd rather not be reminded, or think about of our difficult circumstance. Avoidance and denial may seem to work for a short while, but is really never, a healthy resolution. We have to deal with it sooner of later. This has certainly been my experience. In the dead of Winter, if I don't take some kind of proactive action, it will simply get me more shack whacky than I already am or worse!

When I lived in Yellowknife, North West Territories we would have what is called the Caribou Carnival in the Winter, on the Solstice, when the sun got stronger,q making for longer, brighter days. It was a good thing to bring people out of their isolation, because we really did get cabin fever. This great gathering would get our minds off our problems, brought everyone together for some fun, because fun break with fellowship is a good break too!

I might go outside, and clear the snow off my car, as it is a lovely sunny warmer day with no risk of 'nostricles' this afternoon! I might even shovel and could even enjoy it, but not willingly. I have a hard time 'embracing' Winter, but today I'll give it a try!

*Two hours later I took action! After I wrote the above, I went outside. I dug a narrow path from my lane out to the mailbox, but the spot where the green super mail box is across the road, isn't plowed out, so no mail. I cleared off my car and dug it out. Warmed up the car. Sounds weird and wonky and was shaking. I think I need transmission fluid. I filled my slow leaking tire.
We are getting another Winter mess tomorrow, but I said I didn't want to talk about the weather.

So I feel better for getting outside, but I didn't exactly have fun.
Good news is, the fellow who plows out my lane will be coming after supper.

Tea break!

The Lovers - A Heinz 57 In The Shadow of the Beloved

The sign of Gemini, the twins, and my birth sign, are associated with The Lovers. Love, friendship, and partnership, are all suggested in this card. There is an implied duality of earthly and divine love. I see it as a push and pull tension between the two and having to make a decision.

I reflected today when I drew this card, on how I have always longed and searched all my life, for a relationship with divine love, but truthfully in the past, I was more preoccupied with earthly love. My search for the Divine involved attending Church, with my mother at a young age, which I know now, had planted the seeds of faith. I wasn't so much searching then, not until I hit puberty during my adolescence.

When I was 13, and a very troubled kid, I would often go to find solace, in a big Cathedral church that sat on top of the hill, overlooking the city where my family lived. I could find peace and comfort there. I loved the statues of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and felt a deep connection with her. Today I see why, because of my identification with the goddess.

 I then began to meagerly, explore Zen Buddhism, and soon went on to seriously involve myself with studying Christianity in a formal way at 18. I was soon baptized and confirmed as what is commonly known as an Anglo-Catholic, which has all the bells and smells of Roman Catholicism, minus the belief in the infallibility of the Pope, and a few other differing adherences.

Once I hit 30, I decided I had really always been very drawn to Catholicism, and so I converted, took all the classes, joined a church and became a Roman Catholic, prior to all the sexual abuse issues coming to light within the church. 

After several years of being a Catholic, and around the time I became a member of a 12 step program in the 80s, my ideas surrounding belief, slowly began to evolve, into what I would call less religious, and more spiritual. I came to realize I could no longer be a member of a church that was full of corruption, that embodied abuse, through power and control. I was finding spirituality and fellowship, that was second to none, in the rooms of recovery. I knew this is where I belonged.

At this stage of my life, I have a positive relationship with the Divine, that is about knowing the meaning of the God of my understanding, and feeling a deep sense of serenity, because of that understanding.

I am so blessed to have had a very open minded and loving mother, who never forced her religious beliefs, and let me find my own way. You might say I have been a Heinz 57 religiously.
My mother gently instilled and imparted her faith, gave me a sense of wrong and right, and a belief in God.  I am so very grateful that we were able to share our simple faith in those quiet moments, between mother and daughter, that have stayed close to my heart, all of my life, and always.