Two of Swords - Stand Still

 Orestes is between his mother and father, at a standstill and in a state of tense balance. Orestes is between a rock and a hard place. He needs to make a choice about facing and accepting an unpleasant reality.

 The Two of Swords is the second two I've drawn this week. Twos represent duality and this card indicates choice and reaching a stalemate. This card accurately depicts my situation these days and for the next 19 months.

 I've learned the hard way over the years that having the wisdom of patience is always a good approach to take when finding ourselves in whatever situation, that is beyond our control. It never works to attempt to force a solution. Letting things naturally unfold over time relieves us of the stress of anxiety and worry and is a much better choice. Action is the antidote to worry.

 Although I can't do anything to change my situation, I know the action I can take, is to exercise patience and acceptance, patience with and acceptance of myself. If I can do this, I am likely to accept what comes my way in life, living life on life's terms. This doesn't come naturally to people. We mostly want, what we want, now or yesterday, and it sure doesn't happen over overnight to most people. It takes practice over time, little by slowly. So I'll buckle up relax and enjoy the ride. I only have one life to live, so I'd better make it a good one, awake and with my eyes wide open.

Four of Pentacles - "The Fear of Loss May Mean No Loss, But Means No gain

"The fear of loss may mean no loss, but means no gain." This is a quote from my Mythic Tarot workbook about the Four of Pentacles. I drew the Three of Pentacles yesterday and discussed professionalism. Today's daily card , the Four of Pentacles has followed naturally, considering the order of things.

 Finding myself without a car for the last month has been difficult, and as per usual my financial situation is always pressing in on the realities of living day to day, and month by month.
I have learned to let people, places, and things go more over the years an especially so these days. My fear of financial insecurity has lessened over the past few months, and though things are certainly not ideal, however if I focus on what I lack and hold on tight, I will be miserable, stressed  and anxious. I have to say I really hate anxiety. This habitual anxious behaviour I can attribute some of it to my early home life, and often being in a state of hyper-vigilance. I am not exactly a nervous Nelly, but I can be an anxious Annie! Undertaking my latest creative project and wanting to do the very best I can, I really cannot afford too much worry, stress and anxiety. Stress blocks my creative energy and my self-expression.

The Four of Pentacles urges me to let go; reminds me I don't have to hang on to fear and anxiety, otherwise it will be very much to my detriment. In light of this, I also understand I need to perceive how I am contributing to this anxiety, and do whatever I can and need to do, to lessen it. This will also enable me to let go. It is easy to tell yourself or someone else, simply to 'let go". It is another thing to actually do it. We are human, and I don't believe that we can ever completely let go, because we all have feelings, and it is next to impossible to stop our feelings. If we could stop all of our feelings, we would no longer refer to ourselves as human 'beings'. Otherwise we would be automatons.

I certainly can detach from my feelings up to a point, but I can never be completely devoid of them, nor would I want to be. Today I honour my feelings, but I don't want them to control me in negative ways, reacting impulsively, instead of responding.

 I strive to make progress not perfection. I need to remember to pause and ask my Creator for space between my impulse and my action.

I would be wise to have the carefree 'trusting in heaven' attitude, living in the present moment approach like  The Fool, as opposed to the controlling, holding on too tight, attached nature of the Four of Pentacles.

The Fool - Egg Tempera on Porcelain Tile, 2015, Catherine Meyers

Note: This photo I took today is of my completed painting of The Fool...lots of more painted marks and goat horns!

Nine of Swords Vs 21 Years of Recovery

I really don't like seeing on the Nine of Swords the menacing wrath of these Furies toward Orestes, with their threatening presence.
Considering however today, January 2nd, 2015, being my 21 year A.A. anniversary of contented sobriety, it really gave me pause to reflect on my days before sobriety. I was like Orestes, tormented, often full of great fear and anxiety with feelings of impending doom, that did not necessarily manifest itself,  nonetheless it was both frightening and painful. The fear of destruction caused me to have all kinds of free floating anxiety and fantasy at times. I felt pursued by guilt and shame, which I thought would no doubt end in a terrible future, even if these fears where not based on reality. Of this however, I am quite convinced; had  I continued to drink, these fears would have eventually become self-fulling prophecies.

I thank God I came to understand the reason for my fear and guilt, which provided insight once I got sober through the 12 Step Fellowship.

I can not say I am completely free from worry, or never feel moments of fear and anxiety, but so does everyone. The difference today is, I no longer have to, nor choose to pick up a drink to cope. Today my antidote to worry is action and prayer.
Reality suits me just fine, no matter what happens in life today, and for that I am very grateful.

Why Not All Tarot Cards Are Created Equal - The High Priestess

This question goes out to my fellow Tarot readers. Have you ever drawn a card from your daily draw, and thought to yourself, how ironic, taken a deep breath, after feeling overwhelmed by the realization that this is the exact card you need to connect with right now? It's a good feeling, because it gives me a sense of peace, focus and affirmation. When I drew this card, it caused me to slow down and think, with my head, and with my heart, to respond, instead of react, to wait, and see.

This is exactly what The High Priestess did for me today, after having a rather unpleasant experience, that took me completely off guard, leaving me anxious, and metaphorically, a little sick to my stomach.

 The High Priestess is the card I can always draw much strength from, because she reminds me to listen deeply to the mystical quietness, to listen to that still quiet voice within, and to remain in a state of balance, no matter how rotten I am feeling, in the pit of my gut, and regardless of what has happened. The High Priestess is the card I can connect with on this deep spiritual level, and I don't think there is another in the deck that does this for me.

I am assured, that what is hidden will be revealed. I don't need to feel stressed,  anxiety or the necessity to rush in trying to force a solution. I need to be patient, trust my intuition, as all will come out of the darkness, into the light.

I am feeling better, as much as my lizard brain isn't impressed! But as my old A.A. sponsor once said to me...

Page of Pentacles - Stay Calm, Be Brave, Watch For The SIgns

This morning drawing the Page of Pentacles I reflected on my day yesterday. The day was a succession of  things that went wrong it seemed. Very annoying, most inconvenient, and anxiety producing incidences which happened from the time I left the house until I returned. I was dealing with issues like car problems, money issues, and not being able to contact people I needed to. I know I am just venting but that said, there were also many things that went very right.

Human nature being what it is, we habitually look at the negative when  life does not go our way. This was me yesterday. But I am grateful nonetheless.

Today I am going to resolve not to do this awefulizing, I don't think this is an actual word but it works in describing what I am trying to say.

Not unlike all of the Pages that represent the young novice, or inexperienced individuals and beginnings, I see the Page of Pentacles as that young immature part of ourselves that can't quite get a handle on how to cope with the material world,and what happens. He thirsts for knowledge and works hard to obtain it.

The Page of Pentacles has a message as a framework for living life. The card urges us to take care of ourselves, mind, body and spirit, through exercise, relaxation and interests  doing so with care, gentleness and time.

The Page of Pentacles needs steady order without surprises that create an instability.  This springs from a fear of not being in control, and we feel we are loosing our focus. Yup that's me. The only thing I can control, is myself, and I have a hard enough time doing this, let alone anyone or anything else. It's all about fear really.

I am reminded of the saying on one of my very favourite CBC Radio shows, that is no longer on, but I remember it fondly, The Dead Dog Cafe. At the end of the show they would say, " Stay Calm, Be brave, Watch for the Signs." Though it was a comedy show, there was always an underlining serious and wise message. This was the one I especially liked, and have used it to help me through those days like yesterday, and now will continue to use it.

Nine of Swords - The Darkest Hour Is Just Before Dawn

 

The Nine of Swords is a card the describes a psychological state of mind indicating that we are having many sleepless nights, because we are carrying burdens, overwhelming feelings of failure, disaster and impending dread. We may have guilt about the past and fear what the future repercussions will bring. This is a psychological problem not based on reality.

I've always agreed that action through prayer is the antidote to worry. Just my opinion. Most people I think would agree, worry is not constructive, and can make us psychologically and even physically unhealthy. Worry simply fuels anxiety, and signals a lack of trust and faith. We feel hopeless.

 Many think it is a virtuous thing to do, in that it reflects care and concern. Fretting and worry can be a habitual reaction. In extreme cases, it is being in a constant state of hyper vigilance, and is often a way of being for many, especially if we have grown up in troubled family situations, or had traumatic events happen.

We do not have to be a prisoner of our fear and sense of hopelessness. We can seek help for ourselves, if we reach out to change.

There is nothing we can do to change the past, and projecting into the future is futile. It does nothing to improve our lives or our state of well being, and happiness.

The Nine of Swords reminds me of a time when I saw a young punk rocker years ago. He was wearing a button which said, "Hope For The Hopeless ". To me it said it all, and made me smile and feel very hopeful.