Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Hermit - My Default Setting

The Hermit is a great example of how, and where to find a resource for serenity, peace of mind, and inner strength. I had a sleep deprived past four days, late nights with very early mornings and was having some real anxiety about a few things. This is not a good combination and makes me think of the old acronym and tool for self-care, and are often indicators of what is bothering us and why. I heard it many years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for being too hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I could describe myself as being three out of these four states this past week up until today.

I've always had an aversion toward dentists and considering the expense, I just could not afford to go and get my teeth looked after. It was easy to procrastinate, which only complicates matters.. This caused me a lot of negative feelings surrounding my self-esteem and sometimes a low level depression.  I would even have frequent dreams about loosing my teeth, and so it weighed heavily on my mind.

This month I had to finally give in and find the courage within myself to address some serious dental problems and go for an appointment. This circumstance all added to my anxiety and stress. Before my appointment I practiced breathing, positive self-talk, prayer, and talking to a close friend about my dentist aversion, and phobia. I had to draw upon what I'll call my "Inner Hermit" for strength. It paid off, and I got through the ordeal. I admit my nerves were a little frayed afterward, due to the combination of being hungry, lonely, tired and just to top it off, to make my condition complete, I met up with someone I don't much like, who insulted me, and filled that angry space, left in the acronym, by making a tactless comment about my "buck teeth". I laugh about it now, but I could have easily lashed back with a remark reflecting resentment. Resentment is not a luxury I can afford., and what would be the point. I prefer to draw on my inner hermit, which I think has mostly become my default setting.

Tonight I'm 100 % improved. I had a good supper, I reached out to talk to a good friend, and plan on having a restful sleep. Oh, and I'll be flossing and brushing!


Ellen said...

Good for you that you've faced you fear my friend. Although I personally don't have anxiety for the dentist that much, I know from my girls how awful this feeling can be. You must feel sooo relieved right now. On the top of the world with a little lantern :D
The Hermit.. my most favorite card in the deck. The one I relate to the most.

Unknown said...

Thank you so much Ellen for your support. It was kind of a rough patch! I was so hungry afterward but wasn't supposed to eat anything I wanted, and I had to go grocery shopping afterward, lol.
I got some cherries that were so delightful to eat on the way back home!
Yes I am really feeling very happy even though I am missing some teeth, I will be getting a partial plate and so it is gratifying and I am relieved to be moving forward!

I have to say like you I do believe the Hermit is my favourite card of the deck also. I can see this is truly my default in that I rely on that inner wisdom when I find my self backed into a corner. But most importantly, I strive daily to maintain a daily conscious contact to build up a reserve to get me through those really rough patches in life. Rather like depositing to a bank account that I can draw on for the rainy day fund, and when I need to make a withdrawal. Wished my bank account really did have the same reserve! ;)

Ellen said...

I think if we don't maintain that daily contact we won't be able to find the way in times of need

Unknown said...

That's true for me Ellen! Certainly makes the path easier to see when you have your inner lantern 'on' at all times!