The Lovers - Trust in Action

In this Major Arcana card The Lovers, we see a potentially very stressful situation were three women are pitted against one another in a kind of competition. Love, Rejection, jealousy, self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence, guilt and even shame would all come into play in this stressful scenario, because Paris the Trojan prince, has been commanded by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who had been quarreling about who was the loveliest. Paris has had a very a stressed life to begin with, because his own father King Priam had sentenced him to death, but fortunately he was rescued by a kind shepherd. The three goddesses and Paris all find themselves in a stress filled circumstance and they all have a choice as to how they are going to respond.

Many of us, myself included I've noticed, can get ourselves feeling stressed when it's really unnecessary, or can be avoided. I believe this is rooted in worry and lack of trust in the midst of chaos and trouble. It can be our default mode, particularly if we have had trauma or difficult home lives growing up. We are used to living in our bodies in state of hyper-vigilance, and are perhaps always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Most of my life and I have had to fight against this, because it robs me of my happiness. That said, I also know reality and life are stressful for everyone in one way or another, and I am no different. I also know a certain amount of stress is normal and the fight or flight instinct in very strong within us.

 I can physiologically feel when my stress level increases, and most times it never feels good. I have to make a conscious concerted effort to change my reaction to that reality, doing whatever it takes in order to remain calm and to prevent stress..


Today I read this statement for a book of daily readings, which  really stood out for me to today. "Calmness is trust in action." I think this statement speaks for itself, and it is a good reminder to try to live this way, everyday.

The Lovers - What Do I Want?

This card typifies a kind of stereotypical beauty contest between the three goddesses, Hera, Athene, and Aphrodite, who were fighting among themselves. Zeus has appointed the reluctant Trojan prince Paris to be the judge of this contest.The Lovers card is symbolic of the problem of making a choice in love that reflects our values and the kind of person we want to become. There is a choice to be made between  free will and instinctual compulsions.

Seems to me I draw this card The Lovers frequently. I expect the reason being, it is something I struggle with at times, as I believe many women do. My immediate reaction is usually the same. I get a little excited initially, as it makes me think about love relationships because I am a hopeful romantic. I then immediately get a reality check focusing on my life, as a single woman.

 Oh I certainly don't see this as being a negative thing, although there are negative things about the single life that I mostly have come to see them as challenges, just as there are challenges found in a partnership. There are for me simultaneously more positive things about the solo lifestyle.

For me the most positive aspect about being a single woman is having a peace of mind and contentment within myself, and being comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long time since I felt I needed someone else to "complete" me, the way many of us were brought up to falsely believe, as if somehow if you are not committed to a significant other we fall short of happiness. Most women today don't need a man. but I think many might want one, but on their terms, not on anyone else's.

We no longer need to feel the validation of a man or anyone to give us a belief in ourselves. Nor do we need to turn ourselves inside out trying to be the person someone else wants or expects us to be. We are perfect in our own imperfections and don't need approval to be exactly who we are..

It's a different world today, but in other ways there are still so many things that need changing, and seem to be moving backwards instead of forward, in a still predominantly misogynistic society.

I think generally women want to be our own person, to live our own lives in peace, and taking responsibility only for our own happiness.

And so when I ask myself what is it that I really want? I have to say I want peace, regardless if this involves a life partner or not, and if I am happy within myself this is what matters most.