The Lovers - The Matters of the Heart

Here we see the handsome Trojan prince Paris who's been forced by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between the three goddesses - Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who've offered him many things, the world and then some.

Young Paris didn't understand one darn thing about life, beauty, love or what his inner values were. And so he made his decision with little thought or no matter how unwise. He chose Aphrodite,  the sensual goddess of love. Oh she was a real hotty, and how could he resist? It was a done deal. But this was just the beginning of the troubles that followed his decision.

Honestly, this isn't the card I wanted to see today. But there it is, The Lovers. This card indicates and represents a new love, or being concerned with decisions regarding matters of the heart. It's not something I want to think about so much these days.  But I'm finding myself in the position once again. It mostly gives me more grief than anything I think, to entertain the thought of seriously engaging in a romantic long term relationship again, I admit I'm afraid. I don't have the best track record because of my life experiences. It's not that I fault myself necessarily, it's just the circumstances that was my reality.

I met the man I loved 38 years ago, who I lost suddenly and tragically to illness at 27. I find myself comparing other men to him and often my decision to get involved romantically, is to quote George Bush Sr., no, na-ah, nope, not gona happen, not gona do it, wouldn't be prudent.
I had some short term relationships in between my first and second marriage.

The second time around my marriage ended in divorce after marrying an abusive alcoholic man. Fortunately I decided to get out after two years, but psychologically it was hard to separate and it took me about five years to completely, sever ties. It wasn't easy and I couldn't have done it without having a great deal of counseling and help.

 Growing up with an alcoholic father, co-dependent and eventually becoming alcoholic myself, all added to my insanity, until I got into recovery 23 years ago.

So this card reminds me to make wise decisions. If I'm having a hard time, in confusion, I seek out the help and counsel of some one I trust and or a power greater than myself to draw strength and discernment from everyday.

If you can't figure out how to have a real relationship with yourself, understanding who you are, loving and accepting the person you are, it's impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Your ability to make the right decision is unclear and disabled.

Lots of folks these days choose online dating sites. I have friends that it seems to have worked out for them. Time will tell. I have nothing against this and it doesn't matter how you go about meeting someone. What does matter, is knowing what you don't want, what you do want, and knowing what you need is right and good for you.

It takes time and work to have a discerning ability, which is paramount in our relationships. Shared spiritual values with a companion-ability helps to make you good friends who have real fun together, and you laugh a lot, no matter what you do.

As my wise late mother once said to me. If you are going to have a love affair and you find yourself crying more than laughing it's time to leave.

The Lovers - Trust in Action

In this Major Arcana card The Lovers, we see a potentially very stressful situation were three women are pitted against one another in a kind of competition. Love, Rejection, jealousy, self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence, guilt and even shame would all come into play in this stressful scenario, because Paris the Trojan prince, has been commanded by Zeus to judge a beauty contest between Hera, Aphrodite and Athene who had been quarreling about who was the loveliest. Paris has had a very a stressed life to begin with, because his own father King Priam had sentenced him to death, but fortunately he was rescued by a kind shepherd. The three goddesses and Paris all find themselves in a stress filled circumstance and they all have a choice as to how they are going to respond.

Many of us, myself included I've noticed, can get ourselves feeling stressed when it's really unnecessary, or can be avoided. I believe this is rooted in worry and lack of trust in the midst of chaos and trouble. It can be our default mode, particularly if we have had trauma or difficult home lives growing up. We are used to living in our bodies in state of hyper-vigilance, and are perhaps always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Most of my life and I have had to fight against this, because it robs me of my happiness. That said, I also know reality and life are stressful for everyone in one way or another, and I am no different. I also know a certain amount of stress is normal and the fight or flight instinct in very strong within us.

 I can physiologically feel when my stress level increases, and most times it never feels good. I have to make a conscious concerted effort to change my reaction to that reality, doing whatever it takes in order to remain calm and to prevent stress..


Today I read this statement for a book of daily readings, which  really stood out for me to today. "Calmness is trust in action." I think this statement speaks for itself, and it is a good reminder to try to live this way, everyday.

The Lovers - What Do I Want?

This card typifies a kind of stereotypical beauty contest between the three goddesses, Hera, Athene, and Aphrodite, who were fighting among themselves. Zeus has appointed the reluctant Trojan prince Paris to be the judge of this contest.The Lovers card is symbolic of the problem of making a choice in love that reflects our values and the kind of person we want to become. There is a choice to be made between  free will and instinctual compulsions.

Seems to me I draw this card The Lovers frequently. I expect the reason being, it is something I struggle with at times, as I believe many women do. My immediate reaction is usually the same. I get a little excited initially, as it makes me think about love relationships because I am a hopeful romantic. I then immediately get a reality check focusing on my life, as a single woman.

 Oh I certainly don't see this as being a negative thing, although there are negative things about the single life that I mostly have come to see them as challenges, just as there are challenges found in a partnership. There are for me simultaneously more positive things about the solo lifestyle.

For me the most positive aspect about being a single woman is having a peace of mind and contentment within myself, and being comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long time since I felt I needed someone else to "complete" me, the way many of us were brought up to falsely believe, as if somehow if you are not committed to a significant other we fall short of happiness. Most women today don't need a man. but I think many might want one, but on their terms, not on anyone else's.

We no longer need to feel the validation of a man or anyone to give us a belief in ourselves. Nor do we need to turn ourselves inside out trying to be the person someone else wants or expects us to be. We are perfect in our own imperfections and don't need approval to be exactly who we are..

It's a different world today, but in other ways there are still so many things that need changing, and seem to be moving backwards instead of forward, in a still predominantly misogynistic society.

I think generally women want to be our own person, to live our own lives in peace, and taking responsibility only for our own happiness.

And so when I ask myself what is it that I really want? I have to say I want peace, regardless if this involves a life partner or not, and if I am happy within myself this is what matters most.

Persephone - Proserpina Come Home To Mama

We have all felt lost, hurt, confused, bewildered, fearful, and even like we have been taken hostage, much the way Persephone felt when she was abducted by Hades, to whom she was bound forever, and taken to the Underworld.

Persephone The High Priestess, Queen of the inner hidden world, keeper of mysterious secrets, reveals herself to us in dreams, and in our unconscious.

Persephone's Earth Mother Demeter, searched desperately for her until finally she punished the earth casting a spell where everything was plunged into snow, cold and darkness, and nothing grew from the earth.

The past few weeks I felt myself glimpsing into that dark world, where Persephone resides three months out of the year. Through a message of the unconscious in a dream, the Ten of Swords and a synchronicity of events, my intuition was working overtime, trying to get the message across to me. As usual, I didn't fully understand until the whole thing was over, but I am feeling much better, and come back to myself with a deeper sense of trusting my intuition, wiser and stronger than ever.

Persephone reminds us that there is a constant coming and going in the depths of our souls, that allows and causes us to grow when we do the shadow work. The High Priestess urges us to pay attention to our feelings, intuition, and to the night-world of dreams, as this is where the natural law is revealed.

In Greek Myth Persephone and her Mother Demeter, are embodied in this mythic story. In Roman myth we find the same story with Proserpina and her Mother Hera.

I heard the beautiful song Proserpina this week, written by the late great Kate McGarrigle which was the last song she wrote before her death. It is only fitting that I post this, sung by her loving daughter, Martha Wainwright. It is both very beautiful, moving and poignant.

Getting Smart With Your Choices - The Lovers

 Choice can be a  real difficult thing, especially when it comes to making the right decision.
 The Lovers, a Major Arcana card, is about making a choice, as Paris needs to decide who is the most fair and beautiful, Hera, Aphrodite or Athena.

Learning to make the right choices with honesty, and self-assurance or assertiveness can be a life long lesson. Many of us don't learn how to make assertive choices based on love, especially when we don't feel like being very loving after someone has done something to hurt us, or been very disrespectful. We either react in a passive manner avoiding the whole situation, or we lash out in aggression, and not with assertiveness.

 I know myself well enough to understand that it is unhealthy to let feelings fester, when I know I need to be assertive and to have faith in myself. At the same time I do not want anger and bad feelings to dictate negative behaviour toward myself or toward another. I have a choice to make choice to stand up for my own rights while not infringing on another's rights.

How I choose to stand up for myself is what will make all the difference for me, especially because I need to be loving, and at the same time get my message across, that what has happened is not appropriate or acceptable.to me. Then I need to let the situation, and what has happened, go, and not carry around a resentment, that I stick in my gunny sack.

" The problem of choice in love, which reflects one’s values because those choices are a mirror of the kind of person we wish to become. " The Mythic Tarot

The Empress - Beauty and Bounty

Embracing the feminine is embodied in the Empress card. She is the epitome and symbol of motherhood, possesses the wisdom of nature, and she lives life with creative abundance, imagination and luxury. The Great Mother sets the standard for honouring and nurturing ourselves, imparting an understanding of living in our physical bodies and knowing that we are both creatures of the spirit, but also of the earth. She asks us to nourish life.

Embracing our light and dark instinctual nature is encountered in meeting the Empress. Our bodies are both valuable and precious which are worthy of being cared for as being part of nature, rooted and in natural life.

Without the Empress we cannot appreciate our physical selves, living in a purely intellectual world without being grounded in reality. She provides for us a connection to safety and a trust in life.

Temperance - Mind, Body, Spirit Balance

This auspicious card brings good health. Temperance is the ninth card of the Major Arcana linked to the sign of Sagittarius. The angel is blending essences and the card represents a mixing of elements within oneself, and within relationships. Continuity can be found by reaching into the past, and this can be brought forth into the future.

Of course moderation and control in all our affairs is what Temperance embodies. It enables us to adapt to new circumstances. Diplomacy is present as is harmony of the psychic and material worlds. Temperance gives us balance of mind, body, and spirit which enables healing.

 Temperance is Iris, the goddess of the rainbow, with a kind and loving nature. She has one foot on dry land, the other in the water. reflecting her ability to unite the opposing forces. This is a hopeful card as the rainbow symbolizes, and the bridge between the heavenly and earthly realms, both the masculine and the feminine.

Learning to have a balanced heart is important, and an essential lesson, but there are always more lessons ahead as Iris can be ambivalent, and Temperance cannot exist without Justice or she becomes stagnant.