Eight of Swords - Bondage Through Fear - Freedom Through Change

Ever find yourself in a scenario where you feel like you're suddenly in a kind of paralyzing emotional pickle? For instance someone seems hell bent on arguing and are looking for you to give them a reason to fight or attack you, or to take you emotionally hostage. When this situation presents itself, I go into a slow motion mode, because I'm kind of in shock and I never feel ready for this kind of thing, as I don't expect it and it can take me off guard. Your left feeling isolated, and trapped. But it happens to everyone more often than we realize, we aren't alone and it's possible for change. There's a way out, in spite of these feelings of being in bondage.

 I can certainly feel the temptation to defensively blat something out in retaliation, but will undoubtedly later regret. On the other hand, I need to keep my dignity in tact. I do want to respond, but in a way that defuses the situation in a positive way, to stand up for myself, calmly and clearly speaking my own truth, without infringing on an individual's right to express themselves. We all have a right to our own opinion, but I do believe this can't be at the expense of the individual we're interacting with. This is more about resentment and vengeance.

I'm certain everyone encounters these typical life situations, creating stress and fear. So I have to stop, step back, ask myself how and what is going to be my approach? This is usually my default now after many years of practicing and refining the habit, and now I feel I've finally come closer to getting it right these days. I've also learned to trust my heart, my intuition, to let go and to not force a solution.

This habit allows me to make an accurate assessment of a situation, in order to figure out what's really going on behind the scenes, or beneath the surface. I have to consider who it is, what are the antecedents that are exacerbating the circumstances. I need to take all of these into consideration before I can decide how best to respond and not simply react, before I can move forward.

Perhaps at times the best response is no response, until the dust settles, because there can be unknown factors beyond our control or beyond another person's control, such a mental health of physical health issues.

Understand I'm processing events that happened in my own life recently, and I'm still kind of working through them, and it always helps to write, because it enables me to make sense of what took place, in order to get some clarity and a clearer perspective.

Today I choose to remain hopeful and positive in my attitude. I also have to ask myself these questions. Can I change this situation? Can I accept those things I can't change? And most importantly, I ask the God of my understanding to help me to know the difference between the two. It's what's commonly known as practicing The Serenity Prayer. The Four Directions Prayer also helps me to find discernment and direction. I've found that these prayers are both preventative and practical to keep the chaos at bay, or to find that serenity in the very eye of the storm.

Drawing the Eight of Swords this morning was no coincidence, and it's just what I needed to reflect upon today. In this card we see that Orestes is frozen in the moment, he's being tormented by the Furies and fear has paralyzed him, preventing him from doing anything to resolve his dilemma. But, he needs to make a decision, even though it may appear that either choice will lead to trouble.

It's so important to come to the realization that we all have to face honestly our own part in the problem and we don't have to, nor is there any need to resign ourselves to the bondage of fear. Once we figure out and understand what it is that we want, act once and for all, then we will find the possible solution and be free from the bondage of fear.

Geshtinanna

Eight of Swords - Crazy Makers

This card looks pretty crazy I must say. There aren't really any pleasant images. On one side we see the threatening Furies with their wild creepy snake hair, and wacky bat wings. On the other side stands Apollo looking unimpressed and majorly pissed off at Orestes, who stands stuck in between the two.

Regardless of what's initially being presented in the cards we draw, as I've stated before, every card offers a positive beneath the surface of the negative imagery, and visa versa..

Having an awareness of the things we need to address and change, is what each Tarot card offers us and we are given the opportunity to live life to the fullest, based on the decisions and choices we make, no matter how big or small, and no matter how seemingly significant or insignificant.

Ultimately what is presented here in the Eight of Swords is a situation of being in bondage, created from our own fear. We can't or won't take action because we fear the consequences. The only solution to moving forward, is to make a decision to be honest with ourselves and no one can do this for us, it is completely our choice and we shouldn't ignore this, because there will be consequences that will cause us more trouble and grief.

The number eight is symbolic of change. The Eight of Swords reflects the feeling of being intellectually and even emotionally constrained, isolated and imprisoned. It's the opposite of how we feel when we experience the element of air that offers us energy, freedom to express ourselves, change our mind and to have the ability to act on our passions.

The Moon - The Feminine Principle

One of the most archaic figures in Greek mythology is Hecate the moon-goddess. She presides over childbirth, magic, death, the underworld, fate and the depth of the unconscious imagination. She has been called The Invincible Queen.

The High Priestess, the Wheel of Fortune and The Moon, all three Major Arcana cards are directly linked.

Hecate embodies the feminine principle of life itself and the three lunar phases reflect her power over heaven, earth and the underworld. It's a card that represents confusion, fluctuation and uncertainty, a trans-personal journey, where a sense of direction and ego are lost and individual boundaries are dissolved.

This scenario describes where I am at right now. at this stage in life as a crone. I'm being tossed along the ocean waves of the unconscious, in what feels like a rather precarious boat. I'm not privy to knowing anything other than I must trust my intuition, to have faith and hope that I'll come safely to shore.

I'm not worried about the destination and have decided to enjoy the journey, come what may.

Geshtinanna

Eight of Swords - What Do I Fear?

A card well chosen for me  today, because I've been feeling a little fearful and a little stuck.

The Eight of Swords shows Orestes who is between a rock and a hard place. He feels like he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. In a state of paralysis, with Apollo on his left, who's giving Orestes the evil eyeball and to the left are the three Furies, with their ugly on a ape faces, their bat wings and snake hair. I think we all can  identify with this feeling like we can't move, change our mind or our situation. It's not good.

Fear is something that is present in life, for all of us and manifests itself in so many ways and when we can't make a decision we can feel paralyzed, knowing that whatever we do is going to be problematic for us and might even be perceived as being life threatening us in one way or another. If nothing else it's stressful and anxiety producing.

 At times our fears are natural, realistic, warranted and understandable. Others fears emerge as phobias that we might carry into our adult life from childhood, like fear of the dark, or like me, I had a choking phobia when eating cheese or ice cream, and had a fear of bees when I was a kid. I still have my phobias but have learned to control them.

We can get treatment for phobia and we can choose to avoid situations where they present themselves, or they may lessen with time when we learn strategies to cope. But some problems are more difficult to overcome with out making a decision to do something about it, in spite of our fears. If we choose not to take any action we remain stuck in the quagmire, hobbled by our fear and the situation worsens, effecting almost every aspect of our lives.

 Some of us experience a learned helplessness because we've become dependent or co-dependent on someone else to solve our problems, but this is ineffective in the long term. It's pretty difficult for any one else to help us if we can't help ourselves.

Ultimately we have to make the decision to change what we can for ourselves, face our fears and learn new skills that will help us to cope and hold those fears in check, without letting them control us. Otherwise we are simply spinning our wheels, going nowhere fast.

My experience has been that I had to make friends with my fear. Not to say fear's my new best bud, on no, definitely not but I've learned to make fear work for me. Sometimes this doesn't work, but I know fear is a necessary normal feeling, that will pass and that I need to work with it, instead of against it. I can then hopefully, make a good decision with some discernment in order to make a necessary change. Asking for help from others who have perhaps been through similar circumstance is important because I don't need to solve all my problems in isolation. I've always believed that when I can share a problem with someone else, it lessens my problem by half.

Ten of Swords - Do You Need a Reprieve?

Lately I can't seem to get away from Swords in my daily draw of Tarot cards. This card makes sense to me today because I had a bit of a reprieve from my nagging problems, like the Furies that have almost done poor Orestes in.

There's not a human being alive that hasn't been through low points in life and sometimes there's nothing else left to be done except a divine intervention of sorts. Some people might consider it luck that changes, or somehow turns around. It could be a change in attitude toward one of optimism and hope, in spite of what negative events are happening. This isn't easy, being hopeful in the midst of crisis when we feel despair.

For me, it's been a habit of having hope that I've tried hard to work at over the years, to keep my sense of humour, and to remember I'm human. I've also needed to see things from a perspective in knowing that things could always be much worse, and to be truly grateful. Living one day, one hour, and sometimes one minute at a time, has made a big difference in how I approach problems.

For many, especially those under violence and persecution throughout the world, who are imprisoned for their beliefs, often times some how find the strength to rise above it all and are able see the beauty in life, in spite of their circumstance. 

I heard one such beautiful 50 year old woman by the name Marina Nemat yesterday, on the CBC Radio Ideas program entitled, Hope Within Horror who talked about how she'd come to see the beauty of life after being imprisoned and tortured in the most notorious Iranian Evin prison, when she was only 16 years old.  It was remarkably inspiring and moving to hear her speak, and sure put life into clear perspective.

Marina Nemat

 "That is humanity -- when we love despite evil, when we care despite evil, when we stand against evil with what can fight it the best. Evil cannot fight evil. My friends taught me that even in a place like Evin Prison, there is a clear road to humanity. And I will never ever forget that"
- Marina Nemat

Eight of Swords - What is Your Value and Worth?

Orestes is once again being taunted and tormented by the Furies on one side and Apollo looks none to happy either. Orestes feels frozen, but he knows all too well what the consequences of his actions will be. He needs to make a decision, ask himself what he really wants, and needs to act once and for all.

Oh boy, some times there are certain cards, you will draw over and over in a short space of time. You could almost feel like your are being really bugged or stalked by a particular card that you keep drawing. Truth is, there is an important message needing to be heard. Much like in life, we will often keep making the same mistakes over and over, and we can't figure out why. It's because we haven't learned the lesson yet.

I really gave this card some thought today. Then it came to me, and I figured this one out. I know it directly relates to my own attitude and the part I play in shaping others attitudes toward me personally and professionally. Of course I acknowledge that there are some rotten tomatoes posing as well intended folks out there, but they also have to take responsibility for their own behaviours. I try hard to avoid those folks completely.

At the same time I also have to take responsibility for my own behaviour, happiness and success. If people don't like that, well I say tough tat-tats! I don't have to live life as a victim, nor allow myself to be taken advantage of personally or professionally.

This is often a hard and long lesson learned, especially for many women because we don't want to, God forbid, piss any one off, and we don't want to be seen as being not a 'nice' person. Too much of the time women are willing to settle for less, which is a big price just not worth paying for in the long run. We devalue ourselves and are left feeling less than, undeserving and unworthy. This is absolute BULL CRAP! We are more than, deserving and very worthy. It's been said, and I believe it to be true, that our value and worth is our sacred capital.

I always remember something Dr. Phil said many years ago when he first came on TV. " You teach people how to treat you. " This is not a blaming the victim kind of statement. I am not talking about the cycle of violence that is present in abusive situations. I am simply talking about talking responsibility for our own behaviour. It 's about taking charge of our own selves in order to elicit and enable real positive change. We don't have to take the path of least resistance. This is not the way to happiness.

We don't need to fear confrontation, we don't need to avoid, nor to be duplicitous or blind. What we need is to be honest with ourselves and with others, to take responsibility for our actions and get proactive.

Nine of Swords - Antidote To Worry

I spent yesterday from early morning until late at night in town running around having various appointments. In between my numerous errands I made a conscious decision to slow down. I took a break with coffee, a doughnut and visited with a few good friends to talk.

My mind over the past week and a half had been filled with worrisome thoughts and I finally concluded that I could no longer continue on like this, as it was simply creating more anxiety and worry. I needed to get myself in gear and do something proactive to address the issues I was worrying about, and so I did. I feel so much better now. Drawing this card was full of synchronicity in meaning for me today.


The Nine of Swords sure looks like it's game over for this poor sop, with those Furies, the creatures  overhead, that pursue and threaten him with swords. It is the card of the nightmare. The initial impression one might have, would be impending death and destruction, signifying the end of life as we know it. We are likely to be inclined to react with the emotion of overwhelming anxiety and fear of what awaits us in the future.

However, Swords are the suit that represents the intellect, not emotion. Swords cut through muddled thought, in spite of our head being filled with worried thoughts, causing us to loose sleep at night, resulting in more stress, fear and anxiety that affects our mind, body and spirit. Action is the best antidote to our mental malaise. Yes life can hand out some real shit sandwiches, but the good news is we don't have to eat them!

Nine of Swords Vs 21 Years of Recovery

I really don't like seeing on the Nine of Swords the menacing wrath of these Furies toward Orestes, with their threatening presence.
Considering however today, January 2nd, 2015, being my 21 year A.A. anniversary of contented sobriety, it really gave me pause to reflect on my days before sobriety. I was like Orestes, tormented, often full of great fear and anxiety with feelings of impending doom, that did not necessarily manifest itself,  nonetheless it was both frightening and painful. The fear of destruction caused me to have all kinds of free floating anxiety and fantasy at times. I felt pursued by guilt and shame, which I thought would no doubt end in a terrible future, even if these fears where not based on reality. Of this however, I am quite convinced; had  I continued to drink, these fears would have eventually become self-fulling prophecies.

I thank God I came to understand the reason for my fear and guilt, which provided insight once I got sober through the 12 Step Fellowship.

I can not say I am completely free from worry, or never feel moments of fear and anxiety, but so does everyone. The difference today is, I no longer have to, nor choose to pick up a drink to cope. Today my antidote to worry is action and prayer.
Reality suits me just fine, no matter what happens in life today, and for that I am very grateful.