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Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Ten of Wands - Rug Wrassling and Even My Coffee Needs a Coffee







The initial impression you get from the Ten of Wands is a very bleak one. Jason is in a bad way psychologically. He imprisoned really, surrounded by burning wands, with his grand ship the Argos in the background damaged and run aground on the shoreline.

Jason finally, after all his obstacles struggles, in his quest for the Golden Fleece, is now in his possession. He doesn't however, appreciate his great accomplishments and is feeling despondent and dissatisfied with life in general, wondering what he can do now. You could also say, he's feeling sorry for himself.

We can all feel this way a some point in our lives. The adventure and quest is what is often more appealing to us. The Adrenalin rush that comes from accomplishment can be addictive, leaving us wanting more.  Once the goal has been achieved and completed there can be an anti-climatic reaction, and we're left feeling let down and burdened, perhaps with feelings of self-doubt. a loss of identity and with feelings of self-pity.

Taking responsibility for our attitude, turning our feelings of frustration, disappointment, and burden into a positive experience, enables personal growth, if we are determined to be propelled forward in doing so.

Yesterday I was given the opportunity to do something I really didn't think I wanted to take on as I wasn't certain I was qualified. Part of me felt I could do this because I've had enough life experience, but my fear of failure and responsibility made me rather hesitant, so I said initially no, when asked. But I decided to step up and do the right thing for myself and for everyone else concerned. I'm happy I accepted the challenge, and I'm looking forward to it, determined with confidence and optimism.

Now this takes me to today, when I spent a good part of the morning and afternoon rug wrasslin' with this huge rug I spot cleaned clean by hand, using baking soda, vinegar and dish soap and then rinsed with my garden hose. Then i tried drying it over the railing of my deck. I had to drag it into the house, because it was giving rain later tonight.

The thing was way too big, heavy, and cumbersome trying to hang it over the banister in the hall. So then I again dragged it back outside thinking I'd attempt to hang it on my clothes line. Nope, clothes broke. I fixed the clothes line with a handy new mini-winch gizmo I've had in my junk drawer forever. The reason I'd never replaced it, was because I was doubting I'd be able to replace the antique rusted winch, after all don't you need a man to fix this, so I never bothered. But now I had to fix my clothes line regardless, cause a single country gal can't live with out her clothes line and there's no man to be found!

When you live alone, you end up having to do it yourself much of the time. It can create a lot of anxiety. You can feel burdened, mostly by over whelming negative feelings of self-doubt, that can translate into wanting to just through in the towel. Some folks might say that's strength, but for me I think it has a lot to do with my stubborn nature.

So long story. I have a enviable clothes line, a clean rug hung over my perfect Maple tree! No sign of rain with a beautiful breeze.

What I continue to learn is, I never know what I can accomplish, big and small, if I just  bravely embrace and open myself to new experiences. This makes me stronger when I take responsibility to complete the tasks at hand, and unburden myself. And coffee always helps!





2 comments:

thesycamoretree said...

Heehee, I have those kind of coffee days too. :D Good on you for jumping in and giving things a try and finding out you could do them!
Jason's dilemma reminds me of a meeting topic: contentment. We chase the next pleasure and excitement, thinking it is a feeling instead of realizing what will fill the ache is something more fulfilling.

Catherine Meyers said...

Thank you Bev <3

So true that's an important realization about chasing pleasure and excitement.

My old friend in the program said to me when she was early in recovery she thought she was bored but what she came to understand what she was experiencing was contentment.

Certainly the definition of addiction, when we're always searching for that thing that will fill the hole in the soul.